Married At First Sight New Zealand: The many ways MAFS NZ doesn’t measure up to MAFS AU - Karl Puschmann

‘We’re like the dowdy cousin invited to the wedding but seated right at the back.' Photo / Warner Bros. Discovery

OPINION:

Karl Puschmann learned to love Married At First Sight, so what does he think of the latest instalment of our local show, and how does it compare to its cousin across the ditch?

It may sting our national pride to admit but Australia has us beat. This truth may be as unpalatable as a can of warm Foster’s but Married at First Sight New Zealand is outclassed, outplayed and outshone by Married at First Sight Australia. The worst part is that it’s not even close.

This isn’t to say we haven’t given it our all. We have. It’s just that our all is woeful in comparison. If MAFS Oz is the blushing bride, glamorous and dolled up to the nines, then MAFS NZ is the dowdy cousin invited to the wedding out of familial obligation and seated right at the back table, out of view and far away from the action.

Our version of the reality TV juggernaut franchise is lacking in a few ways. The most obvious being how cheap it is. Not just in how it looks but also in its actual production. You get used to the former, but the latter is detrimental to the quality of the finished product and is the chief root of all its failings.

It’s painfully obvious that MAFS NZ had a fraction of MAFS Oz’s budget. Even including the egregious and plentiful amount of product placement that pops up. While MAFS Oz wasn’t exactly subtle in its showcasing of food delivery options, for example, it didn’t stoop to having its couples eating icecreams with their morning coffee or awkwardly carrying bags of fast food when meeting their spouse’s parents for the first time.

It’s laughably bad. But in this cost-of-living crisis, you do what you can to get by. So fair enough. And while the producers of MAFS NZ have valiantly tried to replicate as much as they can from its better-resourced brethren, there’s no getting away from the fact that the shoestring budget has hamstrung the show.

This has had a domino effect on the show’s quality; MAFS NZ is decidedly no frills, with a much shorter season than MAFS Oz. This hugely cuts down on the opportunity for the couples to get on each other’s nerves, behave poorly and gossip amongst each other. This, in turn, cuts down on the amount of scandal and drama on the show which is what the majority of people are tuning in for.

The awful behaviour of social egotists is the good stuff that keeps you sitting through the boring well-adjusted stuff. Minimise that and what do you have left? People being nice to each other? Zzzz. Who the heck wants to watch that?

The lack of funds also massively impacts how much time the couples have together and as a full group. It certainly appears that compared to their Australian counterparts our couples didn’t spend nearly as much time together. Many of the best bits of MAFS Oz come about by constantly forcing them all together and simply letting the worst human instincts take over. And if they don’t, well, the producers aren’t above giving things a bit of a nudge to set people off against each other.

Comparatively, our producers are too nice. They’re seemingly caught in a moral tug-of-war between taking the dull high road of the experiment’s lofty, romantic goal of true love, or dancing gleefully down the scandalous low road that makes for arresting television.

MAFS Oz, on the other hand, is all in on the Mean Girls spirit. We’re all these weeks into MAFS NZ and I don’t think I’ve even seen any tears yet. What are we even doing here?

All of this leads directly to another problem: not nearly enough couples. MAFS NZ only has a lowly five pairings compared to the whopping 12 of MAFS Oz. Our low number, and less time together, means limited opportunity to encourage that delicious friction that occurs when a bunch of strangers are forced to spend a lot of time together in a completely unnatural environment that’s been meticulously crafted to create as much drama as possible.

This season's MAFS NZ brides - and their humble cheese board. Photo / Warner Bros. Discovery

And even when there has been drama on MAFS NZ, the lack of camera crews means much of it has gone unfilmed. Across the ditch, the cameras are locked on the couples at all times with every behind-the-back word, snarky comment or rolled eye being captured and filed away for use later in the season.

Whereas here, at least three major points of conflict between the couples went unfilmed because a camera crew simply wasn’t around. This unforgivably includes an absolutely horrendous first date that apparently saw one of the guys big-noting around Auckland bars trying to scab free drinks, then inviting his mate to join him and his bride as they got to know each other before triumphantly ending the night by calling his new wife “loopy”.

This is reality television gold. What a shame we didn’t get to see any of it.

But, credit where it’s due. Even with all its production shortcomings, the inherent gossipy nature of MAFS NZ has managed to maintain the franchise’s low-brow appeal. The pressure-cooker environment of the Australian version may have been reduced from a piping-hot boil to a tepid simmer, but MAFS NZ is still entertaining viewing in all the same grubby ways as its better-looking, more badly-behaved transtasman cousin.

The good news is that the show has been a ratings winner for Three and has captured the water cooler conversation of the nation. I sincerely hope that this means it not only gets another season but that Three’s bean counters also add a few extra beans to the show’s budget. This season was no frills. The next needs to have some flash to keep viewers choosing to stay, rather than leave.

After all, you only get married once but reality TV is forever.