News.com.au's James Weir recaps the trainwreck television that is Married at First Sight Australia.
Now that Davina has quit Married At First Sight, we thought the marriage of Dean and Tracey would return to a more familiar level of dysfunction — and it did, until Dean refused to admit one small thing.
On Monday night we jet off to the ladies' homes for the week. In their overdecorated rooms, we find ourselves surrounded by too many candles and those white timber signs that spell out words like "breathe" and "dream".
The waves continue to crash down on Tracey in the wake of her husband's affair. And the pressure of meeting her closest friends only pushes their troubles to the surface.
And just when we least expect it, the rules of the experiment are flouted yet again when one man decides he's so not keen on his wife that they just exit the series.
With Davina gone, I'm about 600 words down tonight and the vending machine in this office is broken, so please bear with me.
How about we start with the major issue of the night?
Down in Melbourne, there's still no romantic connection between Carly and Justin and it's probably because Justin insists on cutting his hair like this.
So you walk into the hairdresser and you ask for ... what? Photo / Channel 9
Gab and Nasser's bedroom problems are as bad as Justin's hair.
They're up in North Sydney at a rental apartment and I can only assume it's because Gab lives in a dive that's in such disarray producers deemed it offensive to air on television. And if there is actually a job on this show that is just a person pulling up outside contestants' houses and saying "Nup", then I would like that job.
All Gab wants is to have sex with Nasser, but he's not interested. When they go to bed, there's not even a hint of passionate movement. The still, dead weight of their bodies means the mass load isn't being distributed evenly and their lack of sex actually breaks the bed.
That's exactly what happened. Photo / Channel 9
Speaking of hot sex, let's check in with Tracey and Dean.
Davina really missed out. Photo / Channel 9
In Brisbane, Ashley is getting schooled about marriage by her know-it-all older sister.
"I have been married for TWO years," she says smugly and, sorry Ash's sister, but statistics show most marriages don't begin to break down until about the three-year mark, so let's check back in with you in 12 months.
"Are you being ... nice to him?" Ashley's sister asks. The question opens Ashley's mind. She's never thought about being nice before.
"Oh my god ... No," she says as the revelation explodes in her brain.
Back in Sydney, Blair and Sean have not left for their home visit week. She's still reeling after Sean revealed last night he'd like to leave please.
"I think if he hangs around and sees my life, he'll change his mind!" she desperately tells us. He won't.
At Sunday's commitment ceremony, even though Sean chose to leave, her decision to stay technically means they both have to remain in the experiment and actively participate. But Sean has other plans.
"I'm heartbroken. I don't think he deserves me anymore," she wails. I love when contestants who have been dumped say they're leaving because the other person doesn't deserve them. Like, bitch, you were dumped, don't lie to me.
"That's me done, finished. I feel really betrayed right now. And I'm pissed off," she tells us.
So, I guess they're out forever now? It's not clear. Especially since Ryan was made to stay all last week even though he wanted desperately to leave right away.
Over in Perth, we assume things are going terrific for Dean and Tracey. Davina's out of the picture and they can move on with their life. But the resentment still festers.
As they chill on some patio furniture, Tracey tells Dean her friends will probably be angry that he cheated. And Dean's thrown by the term.
Tracey's so shocked by Dean's lack of awareness she jolts up on the day bed and the outdoor blanket she had wrapped herself in falls to the floor.
"It was emotional cheating. They'll see it as an absolute betrayal!" she tells him.
But Dean won't accept being labelled a cheater.
"Whatever. I've made some mistakes, I've apologised … as far as I'm concerned I just did what I did," he says. "I wasn't happy after the first week [and] I told you that at the first commitment ceremony."
Tracey can't believe he's about to meet her friends and he still doesn't realise the impact of his actions.
"Why are you so angry?" he asks, which is one of the most annoying thing a boyfriend could say in an argument.
"Because I think it's absolute bullsh-t!" she blasts. "When you say sh-t like that I'm like, 'Why did I take you back if that's how you really feel?'"
Like most couples, they agree to put their fight on hold while they go meet friends for dinner and everything's great until one of the partner's decides to be a troll and expose the fight mid-entree.
Tracey makes a sideways comment which forces Dean to explain everything.
"I met up with this girl for a drink. That girl expressed a pretty intense interest in leaving her husband and being with me," he tells Tracey's friends. "And I did also express some interest in being with her. We talked about leaving our partners and getting together."
Somehow, Dean still doesn't see how he comes across in this story.
"I think they were quite understanding," he tells us.
But Tracey's friend who loves scarfs is not understanding.
"That's horrible," the lady who loves scarfs says. "Its just another layer of humiliation."
And we agree. What Dean did was reckless and selfish and he needs to take ownership of his actions. Tracey was left humiliated. The only thing more embarrassing would be if Dean cheated on Tracey, revealed it in front of everyone and then cut Tracey's hair to look like this in her sleep.
