MAFS' producers helpfully hand Bec an iPhone so she can can call Samantha on loudspeaker and dig for more dirt on Bleep! Photo / Channel 9
The Married At First Sight cast have gone full-blown FBI after they made a special phone call to the outside world in order to get to the bottom of the two-timing groom and his alleged girlfriend, who will forever be known as... Bleep!
The show censor most certainly has RSI after being tasked with bleeping out the mystery woman's name every time it's mentioned throughout the episode. We feel so sorry for Bryce's wife Melissa but we also sympathise with Bleep! What if Bleep! has no idea Bryce is in a committed relationship?
Wait, apparently she does. At last week's girls' night when Samantha revealed the identity of Bleep!, she made it clear that Bleep! knew Bryce had been recruited onto this freak show and that they made a deal to resume their relationship on the outside after the experiment. If this is true, then they're both a couple of bleeping bleeps.
Melissa has barely slept a wink since finding out about the existence of Bleep! Mel decides to blime-fibe her husband over breakfast.
"Well, that's news to me," Bryce snaps as he stands up from the couch and threatens to leave the experiment. "I'm going back to Canberra today. If Melissa doesn't wanna come with me, I guess the relationship's over."
But when the petty threats fail and Melissa fires more questions, Bryce is forced to use the final tool at his disposal: fake tears.
"I wanna go home. I can't do this any more," he curls up in the foetal position while covering his face and making sobbing noises.
Just like that, Melissa's back on side. "This shows me what our relationship means to him. You can't fake emotion like that," she concedes.
Oh Melissa. Yes, you can fake emotion like that — especially when you're guilty and you've just been busted.
We're pained but not surprised that she sides with him yet again. And we just know the angry mob will have lots of thoughts about this that they'll politely hurl across the dinner table later tonight when they find out.
But when we arrive at the cocktail party, we're informed Bryce and Melissa are no-shows. They're missing!
Bryce thinks he has the upper hand by not showing up. In his mind, by tapping out, he escapes all judgment and questions. And that's fine with us. This is Married At First Sight — where, in the absence of facts, we just talk about the accused behind their backs and draw our own conclusions from the vague rumours we've helped spread.
Producers think on their feet and helpfully hand Bec an iPhone so she can call Samantha on loudspeaker and dig for more dirt about Bleep!
"Have you been able to get in contact with Bleep!?" Bec asks, not even trying to hide her excitement.
Samantha fulfils her duty as Budget Gossip Girl.
"Basically Bryce has been on the phone to everyone today and basically told everyone to shut up. He said he needs to come on the show to do it for publicity for his career. And I've heard that from two other people as well."
Of course, expert John Aiken feels the need to mansplain this information back to us.
"So, if this is true, Bryce has basically stayed the course the whole experiment and lied about it," he says slowly.
Thanks, Jonathan. It's amazing you were able to explain this complicated situation without the use of props and visual aids.
By now, everyone's drunk and they abuse their iPhone privileges by prank-calling Dr Trish. As punishment, the experts deliver a Sledge Box. You know the drill: The Sledge Box is also known as The Honesty Box and it's filled with intentionally inflammatory questions that target each contestant's specific vulnerabilities in order to stir trouble.
First up, Pat's question for Belinda: "Are you in love with me?"
Patrick, you just got a handy one week ago — love ain't there yet.
"My response would be … not yet?" Belinda replies.
Ouch. That's a sledge to the gut. Next!
Georgia's question for Liam: "Would your friends and brother and sister accept me into your life?"
This is a no-brainer. Georgia's a lovely girl. Of course Liam's family will accep-
"No," he states. "At the start, they will not accept you. I know that hands down."
Georgia's winded by the response. It's as if someone just broke into her wardrobe, burned all her pink clothes and replaced them with black ones.
Oh, and Liam's not finished: "Some people are not going to gel with you. [Like with] The girls here — you cannot say that when you first met Georgia that you were a fan."
Georgia can't breathe. Her eyes well up and she's lost for words — which is fine because Liam still has lots more negative things to say.
"I know my friends. When they first meet Georgia, hands down, they will judge her," he continues. "Am I going to break up with you because they hate you? No."