OPINION:
This week on Married At First Sight Australia, we are served a piping hot dish of drama. There are three new couples (who knew we needed more), a cow paddock meltdown, and the most heated dinner party to date. So, grab some snacks, and settle in, it’s commitment ceremony time.
We start the night with Ellie who further discredits Ben by telling the experts that he claimed he wasn’t a good fit for her. The experts are shocked, but we can’t help but wonder, are these two compatible at all?
Lucinda and Timothy are up next on the couch because obviously, we’re trying to get all the drama out of the way as soon as possible. As soon as they start talking, Lucinda says she’s “humiliated” because he dates 23-year-olds, criticising other marriages and his lack of humility.
Timothy finally admits he is “a disaster” and delivers a line that the Gen Z’s will immortalise on TikTok “I’ve got more baggage than Qantas.”
The rest get crumbs of screentime before the last couple on the couch, Sara and Tim.
Tim claims that because the two of them have been having problems, he has been feeling less enthusiastic and is reluctant to talk to her for fear of upsetting her. Tim claims he only wants to “give it a crack” and “a bit of warmth,” but Sara is clearly fuming behind his closed doors.
It felt like a mic drop but Tim’s not done yet and claims that because the two of them have been having problems, he has been feeling less enthusiastic and is reluctant to talk to her for fear of upsetting her. Tim claims he only wants to “give it a crack” and “a bit of warmth,” but Sara is clearly fuming behind his closed doors.
Then, a decision must be made. Tim writes “stay” and states that even though this has been a difficult week, he still sees possibilities. Sara writes ‘STAY’ and adds that she wants to give the relationship another try.
Fortunately, there’s nothing quite like a wedding to rekindle romantic optimism and we have three to prove love might exist on this show.
We are firstly reunited with Michael, who was forced to leave the experiment before it became after his future groom did a runner. Thankfully to MAFS gods, he has a new boo, a Fabio-looking man with a smile to die for.
Despite the scar over his eye from a childhood car crash and luscious locks giving him the ultimate bad boy vibe, Stephen is looking for his “white picket fence dreams” and to settle down.
When I tell you this pairing gives me goosebumps, I mean it.
We are then introduced to our next couple, one half of which is former Home and Away star and psychic medium, Madeleine.
The other half of the match is Ash, who describes him as “kind”, he seems like a lovely chap. The experts think this pairing will be a good fit due to Madeleine’s need for compassion and Ash’s nurturing nature. But there is a lot of work to do based on those grin-less wedding photos.
Madeleine’s face doesn’t brighten until Ash informs her that he was probably plagued by a demon the previous evening.
We all heard that right?
Finally, it’s on to our third new couple. We met the last couple to get married on Tuesday starting with Jade, a 26-year-old executive assistant who is seeking a tall, dark-haired male with tattoos. She is also a mum whose daughter’s dad cheated on her with her best friend while her daughter was one month old.
We cut to her future beau Ridge and his friends, who can’t stop screaming they want a “deece” girl — a term that seems to mean “decent.” Jade talks about how difficult it is to date when she’s a single mother, and at this point, we have to wonder if a guy who says “deece” is her best option.
Ridge claims he “can’t get hard” for a personality. Thankfully, he remarks that Jade is “deece” as she walks down the aisle, which is, I suppose, a sign of approval.
After hearing Ridge repeat “deece” about 50 more times, Jade shares at the reception that she has a kid.
He seemed unphased by the revelation and said his mum was also a single mother.
Before we can indulge in any more cringy banter, it’s onto Madeleine who is bawling in a field of cows after eating steak for dinner last night. The montage during all this might be the funniest or most relatable moment in reality TV history, you decide.
If this did not completely baffle Ash, the couple’s next meal sure did, as she begins to speak to the spirits at the dinner table, “Things are good and then she starts hearing voices and they’re talking about me,” Ash says in a confessional.
Ash, we see you, we hear you, but unlike the spirits, we have to go. We’ve sniffed out some drama in the form of Wednesday’s dinner party.
It is revealed Jack had told Jono he was keen on a bit of partner swapping. I wish I could say I was surprised.
“Jack is a misogynist,” Lauren says in a confessional. “Sexist, degrading ... loose lips sink ships, and this ship is about to go down.”
As dinner begins, Lauren and Jack waste no time staring each other down before everything kicks off.
Jack says it was a joke and Jono’s like, yeah nah. Tori sits there silently and Jack doubles down and says, “Nah, I’d actually say this in front of Tori, so it’s totally fine.”
After some tense back and forth, with Lauren saying he is not attracted to Tori which Jack denies and Jack comes out with a foul, foul comment, “Can you muzzle your woman?”
Excuse me?
The rest of the cast responds, completely destroying Jack for making the sexist comment, and Jono says right away that Jack can’t speak to her in that way.
And as Lauren walks out, we are left with our jaws on the floor wondering if she will stick with her brittle-spined man and if Jack and Tori will make it through yet another explosive drama in Sunday’s commitment ceremony.
MAFS airs on Three from Sundays to Wednesdays at 7pm and is available to stream on ThreeNow.