Morag said she had to tell Amy something and Matt, Alexis and Amy's faces say it all. Photo / Discovery
We kicked off with "yes" week, where one partner got all the control and the other partner had to do what they say.
Obviously, there are a few couples who were destined to fail.
I'm looking at you Franky, the 1950s control freak who has never heard of feminism, and his lovely wife Marilyse.
But there was a bit of drama to sort through first.
If you cast your mind back to last week, Bob found out his wife Megan cheated on him by kissing a lad who we shall not name.
As it turned out, infidelity was the best thing to happen to their marriage. "The way Bob dealt with last night was the most attractive thing I've seen him do in this whole process," Megan told the confession cam and it was only up from there with the two seeming to gel a lot better than they had the entire experiment.
For other couples yes week only highlighted their differences.
Amy wasn't coping with Josh having all the power – it honestly didn't look too bad except for the raw egg green smoothie and constant workout sessions, so she decided to take it off him mid-week for a spiritual cleanse.
He hated it.
Marilyse was in charge of Franky and made him cook her dinner but she wasn't impressed with the result: "Franky confuses me a bit because one minute he can be really considerate and kind and the next he can be quite defensive".
While Morag and Luke finally found their groove and after a brutally honest conversation where Morag once again told Luke she wasn't attracted to him, she finally figured out it upset him and organised a very sweet dinner for him. The sweetness was followed up by a hot and heavy striptease from Luke.
"Tonight I fancy Luke like I genuinely fancy him and I can't wait for you guys to f*** off so Luke and I can have a really good night."
In the words of Austin Powers, "yeah baby".
Dinner party number two also took place this week and it was a lot calmer than last week but there was still a hell of a shock.
Alexis, who was the wife of the guy Megan cheated with, returned to the experiment with Ant, the guy who hated being a husband to Nikita – the divvy who should have been on Geordie Shore.
Everyone was stoked to see them except for Megan who knew the elephant had just entered the room.
Yikes.
Meanwhile, Adam upset his wife Tayah. She announced they would be pregnant this time next year and he made it look like it was the first he had heard of it.
"I need words with you. You've pissed me off." She told him but what I heard was off to the dog box. It's the couch for you tonight darl.
Franky told Marilyse she has a 0.01 per cent lazy eye but it's okay because he finds it attractive.
And he felt the need to mention that because?
Thankfully the dinner party saw Adam and Tayah make up, as well as Megan and Alexis. "There's no grudge there. I'm over it." Alexis told her. "As long as you don't take Ant off me." She giggled.
A clear sign there was still a grudge and she was in fact not over it.
Amy started crying because her hubby Josh wasn't showering her in affection like the goddam queen she thinks she is and he was as clueless as ever – sadly the spiritual cleansing didn't open his third eye.
While Megan and Bob ended the night with a KISS!
Houston, we have take off.
The day after the dinner party, we saw Daniel and his husband Matt, eat broccoli, raw. It did slightly disturb me because I can't imagine broccoli being very nice raw but c'est la vie.
After I recovered from my shock, I tuned in again to find out it was commitment ceremony time and here are the hot takes:
Amy and Josh: The messiest hot mess I've ever seen. Amy wants them to be literally married while Josh is like ah, we have only known each other three weeks Darlin. Anyway, Josh decided to stay and after admitting she was about to leave, Amy said she would stay as well.
Marilyse and Franky: Marilyse mentioned they had an argument the previous night and Franky slept in the other room, when it came to a resolution, it seemed they hadn't solved the issue. Yikes, sounds like she is realising he's a d-bag. They both decided to stay.
Morag and Luke: "We're really good." Morag grinned. The experts ask if they love each other and it wasn't a hard no, but it wasn't a yes, they both have feelings for each other, so they decided to stay.
Megan and Bob: Megan admitted she was only there for Bob's sake not her own. So really, what's the point? Then she said, "I need to stop putting Bob's needs before my own." And everyone was thinking to themselves, hang on, when did Bob say he needed you to kiss someone else. But they both decided to stay.
Tayah and Adam: The Disney fairytale couple obviously decided to stay.
Alexis and Ant: Alexis said she would have expected a kiss by now and Ant was kind of awks about it. Could this be a friend zone situation?
Dan and Matt: They haven't said I love you as such but these two are well on their way. They both decided to stay.
The final ep this week was a boys and girls day out. It looked very lush and easily enjoyable but because it's MAFS UK, it was clearly a trap and place to air dirty laundry.
Alexis started off by saying to Megan "I have to speak my truth, I don't trust you." Following up by saying "Not everything's about you."
Megan was like holy heck babe, I thought we were over this.
Alexis left the table saying Megan had wound her up but honestly Megan barely said a word. After Alexis returned you may have gotten whiplash because she did a full 180. "I actually don't want an apology from you because I forgive you."
Over at the lads day out, Franky asked how many sexual partners they have all had, which was a very exciting time for me as I got to see whose ego was the most fragile.
No surprise to find out it was Franky.
All the lads said they had about 40 to 50 sexual partners and before I got the chance to call them out, Luke did it for me "No one was honest." When it came time for Franky to answer he said he wouldn't say but it was more than anyone else.
See what I mean about fragile ego?
Later, Ant announced to the lads he isn't into Alexis the way he thought he was and it's just friends while at the girl's table, Morag announced to Amy that pre-experiment, Amy's hubby Josh had snuck into Morag's DMs.
She made it sound way worse than what it probably was but safe to say Amy will be asking about it later.
We ended the week with Megan and Bob chatting in their apartment agreeing to build on what they have and Megan giving us this pearler of a line. "There has been way more good than bad."
I am yet to see the good but sure queen, keep that wool over your eyes.
Come back next week to see which couples stay together.
• Married at First Sight UK screens Tuesday-Friday, 7.30 on Three.
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