Grab your drink bottles, your sunblock and write your type down on paper, Kiwis, because Love Island is back.
The first episode of season 10 hit TVNZ+ last night and it confirmed two things: there’s no shortage of wannabe influencers in the UK and you’re about to give them exactly what they want by getting far too invested in their love lives.
The dating show follows virtually the exact same format from years gone by and has a new cast every season - so you can pick up from wherever you want and easily slip into the seasonal Love Island banter with your pals.
Hosted by Maya Jama and narrated by Iain Stirling, the first episode kicks off exactly how you would expect, with cringy introductions to each islander.
Between shirtless closeups, dancing with inflatable pool toys and staged flirting that will absolutely give you secondhand embarrassment, you can’t help but decide which ones are going to be your favourites – looking at you, Molly and Mitchell.
Love Island season 10 cast. Photo / TVNZ
But what comes after that in season 10 is a bit of a surprise for seasonal Island watchers. Where in the past the female contestants enter the villa before meeting the lads much later, this time, a select few males and females mingle in the drool-worthy Mallorca villa.
It’s spicy, confusing and really ticked the boxes of Daily Mail writers who couldn’t help but report on the “shock new twist” this week.
As for the islanders, they’re wondering if they’re on the right show because never before in Love Island history has this happened. Thankfully, Jama turns up in an enviable white crochet dress and tells them everything is fine. This puts them at ease long enough for them to back to flexing their muscles and getting their graft on.
But moments later, the coupling up ensues and it’s immediately clear the casting team has just hit copy and paste from seasons past. It feels like we are just watching 2022′s cast of Indiyah, Luca and Tasha return for round two.
Is it funny? Yes. Is it confronting? Also yes. We really need to stop putting all our eggs in one societal beauty standard basket, but that’s a problem for another day.
After nine successful seasons, Love Island has pretty much nailed the show format. We start with introductions – but not for too long because that’s boring.
We have Stirling narrating, which is more like an affectionate roast of the show and cast and kind of sounds like your own internal monologue. Then there is Jama popping her head in every so often to remind the Islanders that even though they think they’re in charge of their love lives, they really aren’t.
It's only night one but Molly and Mitchell are already getting close. Photo / ITV
This much is clear by the end of episode one when every single Islander’s jaw is on the floor. Jama asked the girls if they were happy with the boy they were coupled up with - at the choice of the public - and two stepped forward indicating they could be happier. Instead of handing them a box of tissues and a sympathetic look, Love Island does what Love Island does best and in the very first bombshell, Zachariah waltzes right on into the villa.
He has arrogance, he has confidence and he’s winking at every single one of the girls. It’s the exact energy you expect from a bombshell whose main intention is, of course, to “find love” but mainly to choose violence. Major, breakup-worthy, tear-inducing, Mr (or Miss) steal yo girl (or guy) violence.
Jama announces to the islanders that tomorrow he will get to choose which one of the females he wants to couple up with and my feelings are on shuffle - and the happily coupled up girls are shaking. SHAKING.
This is the exact reason I came back for season 10 because another major storyline of the show is testing every single couple in the villa. It’s petty and it’s what we as reality show viewers deserve.
If you think your favourite couple is happy, boom - a bombshell who is their “type on paper” walks in. If they’re feeling insecure, boom - a problematic challenge when they have to kiss other people takes place. If you think they’re about to break up, boom - they get a night in the hideaway allowing them to be intimate away from the prying eyes in the bedroom they share with the other islanders.
It’s a constant battle for happiness in that villa and the toxicity in me loves it.
So, I for one will be clearing my schedule for Thursday night, Friday night and every single night for the next eight weeks. My friends may not provide me with the hot girl summer stories this winter, but Love Island sure will.
The new season of Love Island UK is streaming on TVNZ+.
