Ladyhawke and Madeleine Sami’s split: How hard is it being a public couple?

Many couples are choosing to keep their relationship out of the spotlight. Photos / Getty Images and Instagram

OPINION

Kim Kardashian recently spoke about the difficulties of dating as a celebrity.

Referring to her past relationship with comedian Pete Davidson, the reality star said “You obviously learn from every situation and the one thing I learned from the last situation was the media made me feel like I was in a very serious relationship so quickly.”

Now, she’s decided to keep her budding new relationship out of the spotlight.

Elsewhere, Kiwi-born director Taika Waititi and UK pop star Rita Ora have kept details of their relationship largely a secret.

While rumours of their nuptials made headlines last year, it wasn’t until January that Ora confirmed they were true and it wasn’t until last week that the couple appeared to have broken a rule never to speak about their relationship in media interviews. Appearing on the cover of Vogue Australia, the couple shared previously unheard details of their life away from the cameras.

Closer to home, Kiwi fans were shocked yesterday to learn singer Ladyhawke and actor and comedian Madeleine Sami have separated. But perhaps the biggest shock of all was learning they ever dated in the first place.

The two kept their relationship under wraps and away from the cameras, with few social media posts together and a minimal amount of news articles referencing their relationship.

Madeleine Sami and Ladyhaw announced their split earlier this week.

It begs the question, why are so many celebrity couples keeping their relationships out of the spotlight? What benefits does this have? And are high-profile couples more likely to separate?

The Herald speaks to Bridgette Jackson, a CDC-certified Divorce/Separation Coach to answer these questions and find out what pressures celebrities face when dating.

What are the extra pressures a couple in the public eye face?

“There is a huge pressure, especially with social media, people are instantly accessible,” Jackson says.

“As someone in the public eye, they are looked up to. When there is an end to a marriage or long-term relationship this can take a heavy toll on them and also their close friends, family and children. The emotional cost can be even greater when private information surrounding a breakup or split is there for the public to see.

“The key for the couple is to avoid venting on social media and in other forums that can become public. Instead, it is better for them and their inner circle to never make angry remarks or accusations about the other, even out of frustration, as they can be made public and also potentially used against them later.”

Kim Kardashian recently spoke about the pressures she faced while dating Pete Davidson. Photo / Instagram

She goes on to note that less is more when it comes to privacy for people in the public eye, and sharing as few details as possible about the split with the public will ultimately benefit them.

“This approach helps to foster a better relationship with their former partner, any children that might be involved and their families,” she says.

“When a public-facing couple, breakup and frustration or venting plays out in the public eye, there can be negative personal and professional ramifications for a long time to come.”

Jackson states that the end of a relationship is already difficult, which is why instead of sharing details with fans or followers, the former couple should focus on a peaceful and private process, which “also allows them to be able to move on quicker and in a better emotional state”.

Are public couples more likely to split?

According to Jackson’s research, current statistics reveal nearly 40 per cent of marriages are ending in divorce. For celebrities, that rate is even higher and she states that despite claiming they are “everyday people”, their divorces or breakups are more complex than for your average couple.

“There are multiple factors that contribute to the complexity of a public-facing couple,” she says, noting that conflicting schedules create demands for both parties, public opinion and interest can create not only a lack of privacy but stress and as celebrity couples often have competing schedules, they can go long periods of time apart in different cities or even countries.

A prime example of this was seen in Reese Witherspoon and her ex-husband Jim Toth’s separation, which was announced in March this year. Sources close to the couple claimed it wasn’t a dramatic divorce but rather their busy schedules saw them living completely separate lives.

The Daily Mail reported the two would “go days without interacting” due to Witherspoon being such an in-demand Hollywood star, and it came to a point where the couple would only interact if they had to discuss family matters.

“Jim is hardly ever with her,” another source told RadarOnline. “It’s always like that”.

Jim Toth and Reese Witherspoon announced their split earlier this year. Photo / Getty Images

Jackson also spoke of the complexities that public-facing couples are forced to confront when going through a divorce or breakup.

“Conflicting schedules that can see them out of town, or out of time zone. Elsewhere they face the dividing of Intellectual property rights This can include such things as royalties on work during the relationship and shortly thereafter and other intellectual property considerations, that could be deemed as subject to division.”

While on the topic of property division, Jackson said separating their assets, finances and things purchased while together can be “financially complex”, even if there is a prenuptial agreement - and it is even more complicated if they have been together for a long time.

One couple who faced a financially complex divorce were Johnny Depp and Amber Heard. When the couple wed in 2014 they did not have a prenup and it later resulted in a costly battle. Ultimately, Depp was ordered by the court to pay the Aquaman actress a US$7 million ($11.5m) divorce settlement.

In terms of privacy, the Kiwi divorce coach said public separations can be difficult, as each person can work through them in different ways,

“Some may struggle with their privacy and the opportunity to work through it without the public gaze or the feeling of the public eye.” However, even if the separation is worked through privately, there are still a lot more people involved compared to a suburban couple separating, she added.

“Consider each person’s representatives, agents and for some their business, staff and future projects. If there is not an alignment on what that looks like, this could bring tension and frustration.”

Johnny Depp and Amber Heard married without a prenup, resulting in a messy and expensive divorce. Photo / AP

How much pressure would public attention put on a relationship?

Jackon states that those who live their life in the public eye in any regard are likely there because they put themselves and their talent on display to the masses.

“They are considered on display, they are elevated and consumed 24/7. At times, every word, action is there for assessment and judgment. This is a lot to take on for anyone, let alone a couple.

“They are vulnerable to the personal evaluations of other people and it is these people who ultimately control whether their career continues. This is huge pressure for anyone to be under, let alone a couple who are trying to work through any issues they may have as a couple, including the complexities of, their conflicting schedules, public opinion and potentially less time spent together.”

Many celebrities have opened up about the pressure they feel while in the spotlight, including actor Brad Pitt. The star said that at the time of the films Seven (1995) and Fight Club (1999), he spent most of his time hiding out and smoking marijuana to escape the pressure of fame.

Are there dangers in announcing a split via a statement?

With social media being used as the main platform of communication in the modern world, we have become used to celebrities announcing their separation with a statement on Instagram, Twitter or their personal websites. This has been seen with many famous people, including Bill Gates and his wife Melinda,, who announced their separation on their foundation website, and Jackson says it’s “imperative” to do so.

“It is imperative to have a joint statement and or personal statement, as long as both are a measured approach and show alignment and being on the same page. To have a strategy and plan in place for the haters, potential escalation on social media, and in the media along with increased exposure and vulnerability for an extended period of time is crucial.”

Bill and Melinda Gates in 2019. "It was a great marriage," he says. "I wouldn't have changed it. I wouldn't choose to marry someone else." Photo / AP

She adds, “There will be an escalation in critics and an increase in negative social media and media attention for months on end. Unfortunately, everyone loves divorce and unfortunately, when it plays out in the public eye it will be reported. This is life.”

Jackson says reports on a separation go hand-in-hand with public curiosity which can cause negative social media and media attention “for months on end.” It may also create competition and criticism of a person’s career, with some people claiming they can’t focus on their job.

“This is why an announcement needs to be planned with consideration given to them both, their families and others as there could otherwise be negative impacts if not on the same page throughout the whole process,” Jackson says.

When celebrities or public figures go through a separation, Jackson says they should limit their time in the public eye: “They will naturally be vulnerable and just like everyone else need time to heal and process what has taken place.

“It can take three years to move through the divorce process, hence it is top of the stress continuum. It is the end of a life, and people need time to grieve and process that grief. It has been likened to the grief experienced after a bereavement of a loved one but the person (usually) is still around/alive.”

Regardless of whether you are a public-facing or a private couple, Jackson says the ending of a relationship is always difficult. There are a lot of emotions to process and every person will do this in their own unique way.

To keep things easier for everyone involved, she suggests only sharing your thoughts with your inner circle and avoiding venting on social media.

She also says a breakup can be all-encompassing, mentally, emotionally and physically and you will need time to find yourself again. You cannot rush the healing process.