Kidman's minder in 'pap attack' shocker, Tom Cruise's Scientology birthday video leaked

Bat-faced stick insect Nicole Kidman isn't exactly flavour of the month at the moment.
But this time it's not just her that we're wasting precious water cooler gossip time over - it's her bully boy minder.
I opened my inbox this morning and found this gem of a video of Kidman's minder going bats*** as he attacks a paparazzi black and blue.
The video captures Nicole Kidman's long-time bodyguard, David Micheal Garris, smacking the proverbial out of a French photographer.
The pap in question, known only as Jeremy, was reportedly tailing Kidman and her bodyguard in Santa Monica as they were making their way to the gym, when the bodyguard steps out of his car and proceeds to beat the photog to a pulp.
Word has it that Kidman's personal trainer allegedly attacked a 53-year-old photographer while they were jogging on Wednesday last week.
*Caution: The following video contains strong language and scenes of a violent nature. Those of a weak disposition and high morals should not view it*
Pap goes ape here.
Reports claim that Kidman was seated in another car in front of the bodyguard, and later left once the scuffle was over.
I abhor physical violence of any kind, and this beefcake's display of wanton violence is sickening to witness.
Sure, paparazzi do behave like a pack of wolves when it comes to tailing celebrities, and they do often cross the line - but this is certainly not justified.
Violence begets violence.
Watch and judge for yourselves.
Madonna's marriage 'over'
Madonna and Guy Richie's eight-year marriage is on the rocks, news reports claim.
But, rather bizarrely, they won't be making an announcement about the split for another 18 months.
Rumours that their tempestuous marriage is in trouble were fuelled when hubby Richie, 39, failed to accompany Madge, 49, to a ceremony last week as she was inducted into the Rock 'n' Roll Hall of Fame in America.
But his no-show at the event is apparently merely the tip of the iceberg.
A source says: "Madonna and Guy are over. Its all very amicable. They've just fallen out of love with each other.
"They just think it's for the best as after some great years together they've been going their separate ways
"Madonna's been recording her new album Hard Candy and Guy has been trying to focus on putting a decent film out, so they are heading down different paths."
The same source added: "Guy has failed to show up at events which are important to Madge. He just hasn't taken as much interest as he has previously in what she's doing."
Tongues have been wagging and speculating that all is not well in camp Madonna for ages - ever since they married in 2000, to be exact.
And the fact that the pair hasn't been photographed together since their 'make-or-break' trip to India in January seems to have sealed their fate.
Word has it that Madonna will eventually move back to New York with kids Lourdes, 11, Rocco, seven, and adopted Malawian David, two.
Another pal close to the couple says: "They'll try to keep things under wraps for the moment, but Guy will remain living in London and Madonna is set for New York with the kids.
"Guy will get as much access as he wants because there hasn't been a massive falling-out.
"They're agreeing to part on the best of terms.
"She has finally made the decision to go to America and has instructed her staff to prepare for the move. Everything will go - except Guy."
The News of The World reports that Madge is now in talks with her PR people to concoct a plan to minimise any bad press the split will create.
Sources: notw.co.uk, showbizspy.com
Her marriage may be flat lining, but her career's on the up and up.
Click here to have a butchers at Madge's new album cover. Talk about fierce.
Posing in a wrestling belt and black leotard to promote new album Hard Candy, Madge promises to 'kick ass' - not half.
Sultry, it isn't - neither is it shocking. We're so used to her tactics by now. Her in-your-face crotch shots and 'up yours' attitude is very 90s. Change gear, grandma.
The old dame's also unleashed a teaser website to promote her new album. Lots of tick-tocks and number fours. WTF?
Hard Candy is released internationally on Monday, April 28.
What do you think of the album cover?
Idiot alert
Jackass idiot Steve-O uploaded a sick video to his YouTube page over the weekend. And it's positively the nuttiest thing I've ever seen on the site.
The guy is obviously seriously deranged and is apparently currently receiving mental health treatment.
Witness as the twit clowns around for the camera, complete with conspicuous white powder up his nose.
It's insane. The guy's off his chops.
Watch the clown in action here.
Instant Karma
Remember John Gibson? He was the callous fool who poked fun at the demise of Heath Ledger.
Well, guess what, folks? Karma's come around and bitten the news reporter right on the ass - he's been fired.
What goes around, comes around, boyo. Read all about it here.
Papa's gonna preach
Trash purveyor The National Enquirer is reporting that Eddie Murphy is refusing to see his love child with Spice Girl Melanie Brown - because he believes he was tricked into fatherhood.
The mag claims that Murphy was told by Brown that she was on the pill when they were seeing each other, so he consented to having sex with her - all of three times, apparently.
Wow, you stallion!
Brown maintains that daughter Angel Iris Murphy Brown is the product of some sinister money-making scheme to ensnare him.
The magazine's source said:"What was supposed to be a casual relationship ended with her having his baby and taking him to court for millions."
It takes two to tango, baby. It's all very well crying wolf and pointing the finger once the deed is done.
Game over.
Now THIS is performance
Watch in amazement as this hot tranny goes to town and shows what real show(wo)manship is all about.
My eyes popped out of their sockets at arout the 27 second mark - amazing!
There's also another jaw-dropping moment at about the 2 mins 13 secs mark.
Miss Tandi Dupree, we salute you!
Peeping Tom
Pop mogul Simon Cowell is a bit of a perv, if you ask me.
The American Idol judge has confessed that he likes nothing better than to snoop at his neighbours' antics - using a telescope.
Cowell is such a voyeur that he's now installed a telescope in his kitchen after seeing the film 10, starring bumbling comic Dudley Moore as he uses a telescope to spy on his Beverly Hills neighbour, a porn producer who regularly hosts parties with nude girls.
Cowell tells the Mirror newspaper: "I saw that Dudley Moore film and it was great.
Afterwards, I got a telescope installed in my kitchen so I can spy on people.
"I look out over the Hollywood Hills into my neighbours' gardens. It's an amazing view. It isn't powerful enough to see into their homes - so you can't see them in the shower - but you can see into their gardens.
"It's great fun. I just like to keep an eye on what is happening."
Perv. One day you're going to see something you shouldn't. Rear Window, anyone?
Creepy Tom
I'm hardly his number one fan, but after seeing yet another vomit-inducing video of diminutive alien lover Tom Cruise in full-on smarm-mode, he's even higher up my s*** list.
Tiny Tom Cruise celebrated his birthday by inviting a load of his creepy Scientologist mates for a sing-song and general back-slapping shindig.
The result is a cringe-worthy demonstration of just how conceited and slimy this bloke really is.
Watch this leaked video of the birthday bash that the Scientologists will undoubtedly love to hate.
Talking of The Others...
The Church of Scientology has issued this damning video as a retort to action group Anonymous' plot to disband the religion.
Warning: contains swearing and claims that will make your brain freeze.
Six week itch
Forget about throwing a pity party for Brad Pitt over his break up with Jennifer Aniston.
Heatworld.co.uk says a pal close to Pitt has claimed that the actor began to 'despise' the Friends actress within six weeks of marrying her in 2000.
Comedian Omid Djalili, who co-starred with Brad in the 2000 movie Spy Game, says: "I chatted to Brad for hours, giving him advice about the three stages of marriage. Stage one is perfection, but stage two can be tricky because you start to despise everything about her. If you can deal with that, then you can get to stage three - a harmonious marriage."
Pal Djalili adds: "After six weeks Brad came up to me and said, 'I'm definitely in stage two, Omid!"
So was the writing on the wall for the doomed couple so early on? Or was Angelina Jolie really to blame for their split? I'm opting for the Jolie angle - it's dirtier.
Tanty time
So jobless actress Lindsay Lohan allegedly walks onto the set of a credit card commercial she was filming in LA and throws an almighty tanty - because a wayward onion had found its way into her lunchtime snack.
She reportedly ranted at her mini-me who had been handed the unenviable role of attending to her every whim, screaming "I didn't f***ing order this!"
A source adds, "Everyone was just looking at each other with open mouths.
"It was a minor thing but she caused such a scene - no one could believe it."
Source: mirror.co.uk
Just because...
Monday's are a hard grind, so here's some light relief.
News reporters do have it tough, as this hilarious video clip demonstrates.
Imaginary monologue...
Who can come up with the best monologue for what's being said between these two Presley relics?
Answers on a postcard please...
McCartney divorce deal
Gold-digger and estranged wife of Sir Paul McCartney has got exactly what she wished for - a slice of the former Beatle's money pie.
News reports claim that Heather (aka Mucca because of her alleged porn past) has inherited a whopping 20 million pounds (NZ$62 million) as part of her divorce settlement.
Details of the settlement - which equates to roughly $10million for every year Mucca was married to the 65-year-old music legend - emerged on Friday.
The official verdict will be handed down today (Monday), reports London's Evening Standard newspaper, quoting a source close to the case which has dragged on for two years. "The judgment has been made," he said.
Another source says:"The parties involved received their copies this week. On an analysis of the case law Mills was always going to receive around 25 million pounds. It's fair to say the judge has not erred from that."
Macca and Mucca married in 2002, four years after his first wife, Linda, died from breast cancer. The marriage was over by May 2006.
Where there's money, there's Mucca. Let's hope this is the last we hear of old peg leg and her attention-seeking ways. You've got your dosh, now hop on your broomstick and make way for egomaniac island - population one.
Sources: Mirror.co.uk, showbizspy.com, dailymail.co.uk
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Fast gossip
Give me five minutes and I'll tell you everything...
* Cameron Diaz nose job: City Rag
* Charlize Theron is boring: Celebitchy
* Neverland is going nowhere: OMG!
* Is Jamie Lynn even knocked up? Popsugar
* Edward Norton is a diva: IDLYITW
* Anne Hathaway would like you to know she's a good girl: AIW
* Your pants are falling down: TB
* Miley Cyrus discovers sarcasm: Glitterati
* Lindsay Lohan's lesbian ban: CelebEdge
* Who's roughing up Courtney Cox? Dlisted
* Tired J-Lo and hubby step out for the first time since having twins: Page Six
* nzherald.co.nz is not responsible for the content of external websites.