Karl Puschmann: Are the new X Factor judges any good?

Like it or not this season of The X Factor has created New Zealand television history. How the hell do you follow that up? That's what the country was tuning in to find out.

The first order of business was to acknowledge the global controversy whipped up by departed judges Nasty Natalia Kills and Wicked Willy Moon. Sombre black and white footage reminding us of the moment we've not been allowed to forget.

And there she was; just a brief snippet of Kills in full flight, verbose and posturing, and tearing strips of a teary Joe Irvine. The monochrome filter working desperately to add seriousness and gravitas to the most entertaining moment that X Factor NZ has ever produced.

And then she was gone. Replaced firstly with empty words and then, a little later, with empty judges.

The show had decided it was time to look back and take stock. Words filled the screen: "It's time to get back to the music". Host Dominic Bowden flapped onto screen, "It's time to get back to what's important, our finalists."

And then the moment people had been waiting for; the new judges took the stage. Of course the moment had been spoiled somewhat by the prior announcement of Natalie Bassingthwaighte and Shelton Woolright's appointment in the highly desired roles. I can only assume this was to give people enough time to Google them.

Bowden, gesticulating like a man possessed promised, "drama, excitement and some comedy," which sounds exactly like the kind of programme I'd like to watch. Sadly, I was instead lumbered with two hours of X Factor.

It wasn't his first lie of the evening. Dishonest Dom followed up that first whopper with a second even more outrageous lie by describing Bassingthwaighte and Woolright as "new and improved judges" before warning that they were "brutal".

The truth of the matter is that they were neither. They were boring and bland and as such slotted right in with the other two perfectly.

Basically X Factor followed up last week's X-plosive television with a love in. The four judges petrified to criticise lest they get booed out of a job.

"You're perfect," beamed the sugary Bassingthwaighte.

"You're annoying... because you sound so good," smiled Stan Walker.

"You're voice is, like, phenomenal," gushed Melanie Blatt.

"You smashed it," grunted Woolright.

And that was the entirety of their judgements for the entirety of the show's 120 minute running time.

The wholesome foursome overcompensating massively for last week's terrific, terrible, train wreck. And dear gawd was it ever boring.

The real tragedy is that this season of the X-Factor had discovered some real talent. It had discovered a star. It had genuinely found someone with the X Factor. Even if it wasn't the sort they were looking for.

Sadly New Zealand voted her off and she left the country last week.