Jennifer Ludlam plays the character Leanne on Shortland Street.
Jennifer Ludlam has been appearing on stage and screen both here and across the Tasman for over 50 years. Playing the character Leanne on Shortland Street, Ludlam is proud to be part of the ground-breaking soap's 30-year celebrations.
I was born into a working-class family in Taumarunui, the middle of three and the only girl. Our parents loved us all unconditionally, and whatever we did, whether it was my brother's cycling, or my drama or running, they were right behind us.
Taumarunui was thriving in the 50s and 60s. There were no fences, backdoors weren't locked and kids roamed everywhere, but when the sawmills and meatworks closed, the town became quite depressed.
My great grandparents on my mother's side used to set up tearooms in front of the main trunk line as it was being built. They got as far as Raurimu but decided they liked Taumarunui better so came back and opened The Ideal Tearooms on the main street. Dad grew up in Stratford, the only boy of eight. He left school at 12 to work on the railways, shovelling coal. He met my mum at a dance in Taumarunui and they were married and had the wedding reception at the tearooms.
My grandfather on mum's side was a builder who worked with one of his sons, mum's brother. They were building a house, and granddad told dad about a nice piece of land next door. God knows how dad paid for half an acre back then, but dad bought it, and even though he wasn't a builder, he copied the house granddad was building. There are still two identical houses on Hillview Crescent.
After that dad got a ladder, a bike and a pot of paint and became a painter and paper hanger. He later landed some big contracts and ended up employing up to 14 blokes. Dad also dug out our swimming pool by hand. Our neighbours were better off than us, so their pool was dug with a grader and was deeper than ours, which only came up to my waist. I was so envious of their pool, but as we got older dad put blocks on the edges of ours to make it deeper.
At school, I thought about being a policewoman, a dental assistant, a phys-ed teacher, or a radio announcer. Then one holidays in sixth form, I went to a residential drama school at Rathekeale in Masterton. I met some actors there from The Children's Art Theatre, a professional group that toured the lower half of the North Island. In the middle of seventh form, I got a phone call. Someone had pulled out of the company, would I join? So Dad dropped me off in National Park in the middle of winter to join this group of travelling players.
Carmen came from Taumarunui, but you never came across any gay women there, so it never entered mind that I might be "one of those". Then, when I started falling in love with women, I thought okay, that's just what's happening right now. I went from moment to moment, thinking I'll get married later, until fancying women became a bit of a pattern.
Sometimes I'd go home with a partner and my parents probably thought we were just very good friends. I was in the kitchen with Mum once - our family had been going through a big emotional time - and she was folding sheets when she said, "I know you'll never get married, Jenny. That you're married to the theatre." I told her she was right. She cried a little bit, but that was it. They were so accepting. I knew people whose parents didn't speak to them or threw them out when they found out their children were gay.
I met Cath in 1980. I was in the Mercury Theatre Company and she was touring her show The Case of Katherine Mansfield. After I saw the show - which won all sorts of awards - I was so impressed I wrote her a fan letter. I've only ever written two fan letters, the other was to Raymond Hawthorne. When Cath and I met up, we quickly fell in love, only she was going back to Australia for work. I'd always wanted to be part of The Mercury, and I loved it, but I dropped everything and went with her. I knew I had to go, and it was such good timing.
The year I arrived, the Australian Arts Council gave women's theatre a big boost by committing funding to more female directors, playwrights and actors. I did a lot of theatre and was also in several television series including Sons and Daughters and Prisoner. I was even a Playschool presenter.
My parents were very proud of me. I often did publicity just so they could see my photo in the paper, and Mum kept a scrapbook of all my clippings. They weren't theatre people but they'd come to all my plays. When I was working at the Four Seasons, Mum would drive her little Mini over those awful roads to Whanganui. I made them come to Farewell Speech, a play about Kate Shepherd. It was quite dry and I didn't think they liked it, but a few years later Dad said it was his favourite of all the things I'd done. But they especially loved Roger Hall. When dad came to see Social Climbers at Circa, afterwards he said, "there'd have to be something wrong with you if you didn't like that".
Mum watched Shortland Street from the moment it started. She'd have dinner nice and early and watch Paul Holmes, then record Shortland Street and watch it after she'd done the dishes. She was so pleased when I was cast as Leanne. The sad thing is, she died before I went on air but at least she knew I was going to be in it.
I've been full-time on Shortland Street for eight years, having first come on as a guest, playing Sally Martin's homophobic mother. The writers think it's funny that I should be homophobic. They probably also think it's funny for the tables to turn, because Leanne's latest "love" is with Ros, played by Theresa Healey.
Acting can be hard, and freelancing can make you feel quite bleak at times. You think that nothing will ever happen again. But then something wonderful usually does happen. Luck comes into it too. Being in the right place at the right time. I've never been good at networking, but I have had a certain amount of luck.
In Auckland, in the 1970s, I was quite involved in women's lib, and gay liberation. Back then a lot of the women would come over from Waiheke on the slow ferry. After living in Eastbourne for many years, Cath and I were trying to decide where to live in New Zealand and because we like islands - we used to go to Bali every year - we thought Waiheke felt right.
There have been lulls, but I've managed to keep going. Partly because I've said yes to everything, If you say yes to everything something good will always come out of it, even if it's just to learn you should have said no.
If ever I need to make myself feel better, I'll go outside. I'll go into the garden. Or I'll walk our little dog. Sweeping the path makes me feel good, even hanging out the washing.
I'm so incredibly lucky to be an actor. If people ask me, when am I going to retire, I tell them I don't want to. How many other jobs do you get to laugh every day? A lot of people never get to laugh at work. But we get to play and laugh. Of course, I sometimes find Shortland Street a bit of a slog. When I have a 6.30am call, or a lot of lines to learn. But I'm never going to retire. If anything I want to do more, especially theatre. I want to work until I fall down.
'I found out about it this morning.' (This article contains spoilers).