Jaquie Brown: More fabulous than funny

Jaquie Brown at the launch of her new book and the second season of The Jaquie Brown Diaries. Photo / Norrie Montgomery

The thing with comedians is that they are always expected to be funny.

"Say something funny! Now!" you want to blurt. "Again!" As if they are some sort of performing seal for our own sad amusement.

But when you meet comedians in the flesh, they are, invariably either incredibly shy wallflowers who are most often found sitting in the corner at a party texting (Rhys Darby), or self-aware glamourpuss fashion plates with steadfast ambition who don't want to offend their loved ones (Jaquie Brown).

Flat out funny, all the time, they most often are not.

I have watched with admiration the powerhouse Jaquie Brown has become.

She is the first lady of New Zealand comedy and rightly so. I am a big fan. Huge fan. Always have been.

But it's a long way from the klutzy girl on Campbell Live interviewing subjects most often dressed as a tomato or such thing in order to scrape a few laughs.

Now she is Jaquie Brown Inc. She is swathed in designer clothes; the subject of cover stories in lifestyle magazines; and on her way to becoming a household name outside of our little place.

On Monday night at the 42 Below bar in Auckland's Britomart, Jaqs (in killer heels and a sexy satin sheath in regal purple) launched the second season of her TV show The Jaquie Brown Diaries and her new book Jaquie Brown's Guide to Everything and Recipes and Quizzes. Is there anything this woman can't do?

Social acronym

Forget texting short-hand or tweeting 140-characters, the new code language du jour is the social anagram. It's all the rage for time-poor sloths. Celebs and society queens from Primrose Hill to Parnell and the Upper East Side are all conversing in social anagram speak, invariably in a badmouthing manner.

If you too want to ascribe a succinct secret moniker (or translate what someone has said about you), then you better learn the lingo too. Here's some handy social acronyms you need to know:

LOMBARD = Loads Of Money, But A Real Dickhead

HOUR = Handbag of Über Rich

SNOB = Secretary Now, Ostentatious Bride Later

BOBFOC = Body Off Baywatch, Face Off Crimewatch

FBFF = Fake Boobs, Fake Hair, Fake Friends

BADHAPP = Blonde, Acts Demure, Has Active Porn Past

JOOW = Jealous Of Other Women

PHWOAR = Philandering Husband, Will Overlook Affairs, Addicted To Riches

HEIR = He's An Egotistical, Idiotic, Rich-Boy

FISHA = Failed In Sydney, Skived Home To Auckland

FLOCAP = Flogs Life-Story Often, Craves Attention And Publicity

ORCHID = One Recent Child, Hideously In Debt

PORFAM = Puts Out Regularly For Aged Millionaires

LIMBCHR = Lives In Meadowbank, But Calls Home Remuera

TMMTCM = Too Much Money, Too Little Cerebral Mass

- Rachel Glucina

Pictured above: Jaquie Brown at the launch of her new book and the second season of The Jaquie Brown Diaries. Photo / Norrie Montgomery