A Married At First Sight wife recoils on Wednesday night when her new husband fails to display the same ambition and work ethic that she exudes in her career as a ... make-up vlogger.
Being on the same page about money and professional aspirations is so important when looking for a new life partner. Especially when you’re a power player in the high-stakes world of make-up vlogging.
The work is physically demanding and the expectations are 24-7. But the pressures go beyond that. When you’re looking for love as a make-up vlogger, how do you know if people love you for you … or if they’re just taking advantage of your access to free Clinique samples?
“Hey guys! Today I’m gonna show you one of my FAVOURITE looks EVER!” Janelle beams to her half-million followers on TikTok.
Her voice is peppy and her pores are non-existent, but the hole in her heart is gaping — almost as if it has been exfoliated away by an AHA/BHA acid serum.
Now seems like a good time to meet the guy she’s matched with. Adam is a 35-year-old gentleman who wears Politix suits and chunky gold watches while talking nonsense about whiskey.
Uh-oh. We see guys like him all the time on this show. They’re all the same. Adam is an “entrepreneur”, he informs us.
The entrepreneur uniform. Photo / Supplied
Entrepreneurs are the worst. It’s just a fancy way of saying they’re a guy who sits around listening to “get rich quick” podcasts while re-posting motivational quote memes on Instagram about how they’re a boss and a baller.
“I’m an entrepreneur with my own online start-up I founded over in London with a business partner,” Adam tells us. “It is in the crypto space. I’m tryna build myself a little empire. And I’ve got some really big plans for this business.”
Sounds like this vague, non-specific venture is going to take the world by storm. Watch out Richard Branson!
The glitz and glamour of Adam’s life becomes too much for us to handle, so we jet off to check in with Bronte and Harrison on their honeymoon. Last time we saw them, Bronte’s mate Jess was derailing the wedding by accusing Harrison of having a secret girlfriend outside the experiment. Tonight, new claims come to light.
Bronte receives an urgent FaceTime call from her sister Kira, who breathlessly presents a twist: Jess only spread that rumour at the wedding because she was annoyed she wasn’t asked to be a bridesmaid.
Archived footage shows Jess sitting behind the bridesmaids at the ceremony, looking bitter and vengeful. You can basically see the scheme formulating in her head.
Just moments before the rumour was spread. Photo / Supplied
“Jess has had a conversation with the bridal party stating that she was confused as to why she wasn’t a bridesmaid,” Kira says.
“So she stirred up sh*t with my new husband of just two hours because she couldn’t handle the fact this wasn’t about her?!” she screams. “She gets so much attention — I don’t understand the problem. This is MY day. Everyone gets their own wedding day! Why are you making this about you! And my poor husband has been absolutely annihilated!”
Bronte now wholeheartedly believes Harrison is good and pure. This will be completely reversed in a matter of days, when yet another piece of evidence is exposed and the marriage implodes for the third time in a week.
“Jess just bombarded our entire day for five minutes of fame,” Bronte fumes. “Like, there’s other ways to do that.”
Yeah! Like getting married on a reality show.
Brace yourself, Bronte — it’s only day three. Photo / Supplied
Meanwhile, the experts introduce a Gen Z couple to the experiment — mainly to ensure there’s always someone on set to fix their iPhones.
Tahnee is a 27-year-old PR manager from Sydney who’s fed up with the modern dating world.
“I haven’t lived a perfect life — I’ve done things I regretted,” Adam says in his vows. “I’ve made mistakes. And I’ve lost myself along the way. But they’ve all taught me lessons.”
Ominous. What could he be referring to? Hopefully not anything too serious.
“I think he’s been arrested,” one of Janelle’s brothers declares.
Reasonable assumption. Photo / Supplied
But Adam’s potentially dark past is the furthest thing from Janelle’s mind. She’s more concerned with getting to the bottom of what exactly an entrepreneur does.
“You said you ran a business?” she squints as they arrive at the reception.
He nods confidently. “Over in the UK, me and my mate started up our competition business,” he says. “It’s, like, online. And we have, like, cool prizes — like, TVs and tickets to festivals.”
So, to clarify: He collects used TVs from Council Kerbside Collection and then raffles them off on the internet for a small profit. But that’s not all.
“I was also gonna launch a podcast. I really wanna do that,” he nods.
Wow. All of that makes complete sense. No follow-up questions from us.
“I don’t know exactly what his career is,” says the make-up vlogger.
Look, not everyone can be a lawyer or accountant or make-up vlogger. Photo / Supplied
To make matters worse, Adam keeps walking around to Janelle’s family and saying things that make it sound like he just got out of the big house.
“I haven’t lived the perfect life,” he shakes his head. “I am who I am. But I know what’s right and wrong.”
Janelle’s two brothers decide to interrogate him and get to the bottom of his dark past. For protection, they’ve brought a shiv that has been crudely carved out of a toothbrush. Then they ask Adam point-blank about his troubles and whether he’s about to be the subject of an upcoming series of Underbelly.
‘Did you know Melissa Caddick?’ Photo / Supplied
Turns out, Adam hasn’t been to jail. Phew! But he did cheat on his ex-girlfriend. The brothers warn Janelle but she’s still trying to come to terms with her new husband’s absurd career.
“Currently, he’s doing some kind of competition-giveaway-website thing. Oh, and he also wants to do a podcast,” she furrows her brow.
“Is that … stable?” one brother asks.
“Hustler’s University,” the other comments.
Janelle confronts Adam and digs for more answers. Does he have, like, a LinkedIn profile she can view?
“For me, I’m a big believer in manifestation and all that type of stuff and I just believe that what you’re meant to have is what you’re supposed to have, when you’re supposed to have it. I want good things — I know they’re comin’ for me.”
He definitely read that on a motivational quote meme.
Janelle looks down. “Mmmm,” she sighs.
The next morning, in the harsh light of day, the tension grows. Janelle is even more concerned — and Adam still doesn’t have a real job.
“You told me what you do for work but you’ve never gone into details about what you do for work ... Can you tell me?” she asks him as they wake up.
Janelle, we really don’t understand why you’re struggling to wrap your mind around this. He raffles TVs on the internet. He’s basically the CEO of JB Hi-Fi.
Adam sighs and re-explains his career. “A friend of mine, we started a little competition business. We’ve sorta put it a bit on the back burner at the minute but that’s definitely gonna be somethin’ I’m gonna pick up as soon as we get outta here.”
Janelle rubs her forehead. “So … currently, do you have ANY stream of income?”
Adam shoots up out of bed. “What … are you worried I don’t have money or something?”
Yeah, Janelle. You seem a little sceptical about the wildly lucrative online raffle industry.
Adam can’t believe his new wife would question his validity as an entrepreneur. Has she not seen the Politix suit?
She should consider herself lucky that she even gets to lie next to an online raffle mogul. Photo / Supplied
“I’ve told her what I’ve done for work and what my profession is! She knows exactly what I do!” he fumes to us. “She’s a hundred per cent stuck in her own head. It’s definitely not attractive to me at all. It’s actually a bit of a turn-off.”
Right on! As payback, you should troll her make-up vlog.
“She’s treatin’ me like I got no money — like I’m just sleepin’ bus stop to bus stop.”
Yeah! It’s crazy. As if he lives at a bus stop, Janelle! Where the hell would he keep all the televisions he’s raffling off?
Thankfully, not all the weddings are ending in doom and gloom. Ollie and Tahnee are in absolute heaven together. They jet off on their honeymoon to Fiji and quickly realise they have a lot in common. Like, they’ve both never seen a world map.
She’s really got that post-chuff glow. Photo / Supplied
“Fiji! Is it, like, past Bali and stuff?” Tahnee muses. “I feel like … it’s up in that area … that region.”
Ollie nods. “Yeah it’s north … yeah … like, north … north west … slightly above there.”
While bonding over their love of geography, one thing leads to another and they seal the deal on their marriage. The producers demand Tahnee talk about it in a piece-to-camera interview the following morning.
“Yeah, we were both really chuffed about it,” she beams.
Wow. That’s beautiful. And, really, who isn’t chuffed after they get … chuffed?
