KEY POINTS:
Two decades ago the Tyler family suffered some unmentionable trauma that turned them into the deliriously dysfunctional clan we met in last night's first episode of the Brit drama True Dare Kiss (UKTV, Thursdays, 9.30pm).
Written by northern drama queen Debbie Horsfield (Cutting It), TDK is a fine foray into what could be described as modern Manchester gothic.
It's got the creepy atmosphere in spades, from those spooky wasteland trees in the opening credits to a gloomy old pile the Addams family would be proud to call home. It even has a dark and dingy cellar.
Within these fetid walls lurks dour, wheezing old Dad, played by the actor everybody speed-dials when a repulsive, phlegm-clogged old fart is needed, David Bradley (see numerous costume dramas and the Harry Potter movies).
Yes, Bradley is always a paragon of decrepitude and emphysema. Dad's scion and heir, a mascara-wearing bundle of gay grudgery called Dennis, is the only family member to have stuck by him.
The four daughters, whom Dennis calls the harpies, have kept a good, safe distance for years. Mum went to pot in Marrakesh even earlier.
True Dare Kiss has its indulgences, but employs what now seems to be a sadly neglected technique - revelation. It was well into the first episode before we learned that the old house daughter Nita was trying to get her claws on for her property developer husband was the family seat, and the old bloke she was trying to frighten out of the place was her old man. Too bad her scheme worked so well, killing Dad off by heart attack.
All the characters are dysfunctional in their own special way. Control freak Nita is the kind of 40-something fright who speaks in teen talk - "how cool is that!" - and is forever flashing her horribly buffed midriff.
Needless to say, her behaviour keeps her teenage kids in a perpetual state of mortification.
Sister Alice is stuck in a state of childhood, plagued by nightmares. Beth is the family drunk, always at the pub trying single-handedly to uphold Britain's reputation for football fan hooliganism.
Phil is the prodigal sister, who escaped to London. Her return for Dad's funeral is all it takes to really get those skeletons rattling in their closets. For starters, Nita's husband is Phil's ex and pretty keen to catch up with his former flame.
But the girls aren't a patch on dodgy Dennis, who is plotting some elaborate revenge on his sisters. Keep a close eye next week on the stuffed stoat and ferret.
True Dare Kiss is so packed with melodrama it could easily descend into farce. But the characters are so well played (Paul McGann and Dervla Kirwan are in the class cast), you feel confident they'll keep this dark family saga on the rails.
And if the first episode is anything to go by, the script promises much intrigue on the way to finding out what really happened all those years ago in the stairwell.
Dad's death lit the blue touch paper. Sit back and watch it all explode.
