KEY POINTS:
It makes some strange sense, in the parallel world that is Hollywood, that Victoria Beckham - who becomes more and more like a parody of a woman - should play a parody of herself on Ugly Betty.
The problem is, that because she doesn't know she's already playing a parody of herself, people aren't going to know that she's playing a parody of herself on Ugly Betty. She just came across as herself: an attention-seeking ditz obsessed with silly fashion, appearing in a show about silly fashion which doesn't take fashion seriously. Maybe she really does do all that pouting and posing to take the piss out of herself, but it's hard to believe. So when she pouts and poses on a telly show, it's not a heightened version of herself she's presenting, it's just silly.
As in, "what tosh, it's Posh," or, "oh my God, it's Perfect Spice." The show's resident gay fop (even shows about silly fashion which don't take fashion seriously have to have one) was able to say: "She made me feel tingly where no girl has ever made me feel tingly."
Posh is supposed to be some of gay icon, but you can't image anyone really thinks Barbra Streisand is a gay icon in the way that might make a gay fashion fop feel tingly.
Having Posh guest-starring is a gimmick, and if the show's any good it shouldn't need that sort of gimmick. But then I've long thought that Ugly Betty was a one-gag show.
Jamie Oliver's idea of a gag is to say to his Australian mate and chef, Toby, "you raving Aussie pervert". This is mateship. Toby is the chef who gets to set up 15 in Melbourne. I'm not quite sure why this programme is called Jamie's Kitchen Australia. I assume he'll get to Australia at some stage but the concept, like the show, is looking more like a fast-food franchise. Jamie's name is on the tent but he doesn't pick the trainees or design the menu or pick the restaurant space. He won't fry the chicken any more than the Colonel does but he does the job of selling the not-so-secret herbs and spices that go into the Jamie Oliver 15 mix.
I've never been able to figure put why anyone would want to go and eat in a restaurant where the attraction is that the food is cooked by a bunch of kids who were formerly delinquents or druggies or losers. Of course in any restaurant you go to, there's a chance the food might be cooked by any of the above but that's not why you go there.
If the attraction is Jamie, (there are some strange people out there who think Jamie is just lovely and a saint and I know who you all are by now, so don't bother sending another boring email), guess what? He hasn't picked the kids, designed the menu or picked the restaurant space. So, just a guess, but it's a bit unlikely he'll actually be in the restaurant.
He's not on Jamie's Kitchen Australia much. He's in England. I just hope, for anyone who does go to eat at 15 in Melbourne that his raving Aussie pervert mate has got a better notion of quality control than the people who made this series. If I'd just wandered into the lounge when the first episode was on, I'd have thought I'd come across a show about social workers assessing clients for their suitability to work in a kitchen.
"There's no shortage of need amongst the candidates," droned the voice-over. "It's all part of the journey," droned an interviewer. As entertainment goes, its more boring than a televised social workers' conference - with Posh giving the keynote speech.
