KEY POINTS:
Congratulations to Suzanne Paul for taking out New Zealand's national dance competition, Dancing with the Stars. I have always had a bit of a thing for Suzanne, and it's great that I can now admit it.
Speaking purely from a dancing perspective, I have to admit, I actually had my money on Megan Alatini, so it just goes to show, no matter how much experience you have in dance, you don't get it right all the time. I am not sure exactly where Megan went wrong, because I didn't watch the show. I don't get TV One where I live, and even if we did, we had friends over for a few drinks. To be honest, it was a great night that rapidly looked like it might turn into a bit of a swingers' party. We all threw our car keys into a bowl and swapped around, but the alarm in Dean's Hyundai Sonata went off, and all hell broke loose. This started a chain reaction, as all the cars were parked close together.
Soon all the car alarms were going off, and nobody could find the keys to de-activate them, we had the noise control officers around within minutes, and eventually the party was shut down.
But I digress. Back to the dancing.
Many of you may find this hard to believe, but I was actually asked to partake in the national dance competition this year. I am glad I didn't, as the standard was very high, and whenever I go to Wellington, I end up getting drunk and doing something I regret.
That's also the main reason I have never really gotten involved in politics. I told the organisers that if I was going to do the competition, I wanted to dance by myself and not be limited by a partner.
Whenever I dance at a party or at a function, I tend to dance by myself, and I don't want some professional dancer, regardless of how attractive they are, cramping my style with clichéd, over-cooked moves.
Dancing for me is a very personal thing; in fact, I think dance is one of the two best forms of self-expression and self-gratification.
The other way is also best done alone, but probably best not done in a crowded Avalon studio. That's another show, and one that the country probably isn't quite ready for yet.
But if I was put on the spot and had to choose a professional dance partner, I would choose Hayley Holt. I don't know why I mention that, but it can't hurt.
On a number of occasions, Dancing with the Stars winner Suzanne Paul stated that one of the main reasons she wanted to win the competition was so that she could kick-start her TV career, get heaps of cash and pay back all the people she owes money to.
In my very limited experience of TV budgets, I suggest that perhaps she would be better of cutting to the chase and making one of the people she owes money to her charity of choice. "Tonight, Jason, I will be dancing for this air conditioner company."
Incredibly, however, a new dance show is rumoured to be in development in The Netherlands that enables bankrupt businessmen to dance off their debts live on TV. It's called Dance for the Money and follows a similar format to Dancing with the Stars, only the judging panel is made up of a combination of hardened dance instructors and bankruptcy court judges.
All joking aside, I would like to wish Suzanne all the best in the future and to congratulate her once again on an incredible performance, fantastic legs and a well-deserved win.
In further news, a Samoan television company is rumoured to have bought the rights for Dancing with the Stars and is planning on starting its own exclusive televised dance show called Dancing with the Sas. We have no news on how the show would work, but August Lam, my personal trainer, tells me it would be going head to head with yet another dance programme entitled Do the Rugby Club Shuffle, a show in which drunk pakeha men with no rhythm whatsoever dance on the spot with their eyes closed and are judged by a panel of experts.
I will bring you more news from the world of dance this time next year, with another instalment of Dance News.
