KEY POINTS:
If I was a resident of Ponsonby I'd be taking umbrage at the clichéd characterisations of the suburb and its denizens in Rude Awakenings, if last night's slow-moving feature-length debut on TV One is an indication of what is to follow.
The alleged satirical drama sets out, according to its makers, to show "the differences and tribal conflicts" between two families in Ponsonby: the Rushes, who have just moved in from a lifestyle block in Kumeu, and the Shorts, long-time renters representing old Ponsonby.
To set the scene, the Rushes, dominated by brittle matriarch Dimity (Danielle Cormack), were shown in Kumeu on the eve of their departure, with Dim spouting lines like, "It's the beginning of a new dream ... I'm ready to take flight in Ponsonby".
Later, on arrival at their sparkling renovated villa in Ginger St, someone says to Dim, "There are some very rich people around here," to which she coos, "Oh, you can feel it". Give us a break. Real people don't speak like that, even in Ponsonby.
Next door, the Shorts' rundown villa has just come on to the market, and the day the Rushes move in, Dimity (with Cormack's eyes darting around like a demented chipmunk) is over there like a shot sizing it up as an investment purchase. Isn't she exhausted enough by the process of moving? But the Shorts don't want to leave, and are determined to buy it themselves, even if they have no immediate source of (legitimate) money.
The difference between the two families is spelled out by the state of their homes. The Rush villa is all gleaming surfaces, flash furniture - and empty heart. The Shorts live in untidy chaos, the father Arthur Short (played likeably by Paddy Wilson) wounded by being abandoned by his wife, who's run off with another woman. His two teenage daughters are Amber, a goth-dance student, and Constance, a vaguely weird young lady who likes to dress in a uniform and video everything. Echoes of Outrageous Fortune's Loretta there.
The Short girls are a mirror to the two Rush boys, moody teenager Julian, who has issues with school and adolescent love, and Ollie, of whom we saw little last night.
The central, and vital, difficulty with Rude Awakenings is Dimity, as played by Cormack. Like a shark, Dimity's central belief is that "the minute you stop changing, you die". She takes twitchy self-obsession to new lows, stalking around her new suburb like a yuppie on speed, a lemon-sucking caricature of a Ponsonby lady who lunches and shops, indifferent to her family and rude to her old Kumeu friend Bonnie (played by Fiona Samuels, who co-wrote the production with Stephanie Johnson). Dimity also entirely lacks a sense of humour; she's a Dim-wit.
It's also hard to believe she has a job as an HR manager, such is her lack of empathy with the human race, and her immediate attraction to her new personal trainer simply doesn't ring true although, groan, the training looks likely to get more personal in future episodes.
However, the series does have positive things going for it, beginning foremost with Wilson's understated portrayal of a man under suburban siege; you want him to win the battle against the bitch he calls - to her face - Lucrezia Borgia.
Dimity's husband Stuart is acting out his own rebellion against his wife's ambitions by botching fatally on the job at the hospital, while the teens from both households may find their own way of overcoming the bile between their parents.
But when you've got Dimity saying things like, "I need time to refresh myself ... I want something in my world that is just for me", the bile rises. I don't believe in Dimity as a character. She is a caricature. As she is the lead, that is a big hurdle to overcome. And the plinky-plonk muzak running relentlessly through the show? Almost as annoying as Dimity herself.
What: Rude Awakenings.
Where: TV One, last night.
