Rebecca Barry: The local hopefuls who prefer to shy away

There was an amusing moment on The Apprentice recently when one of the contestants put his hand up to be fired. And he was fired.

The next night on Masterchef, three contestants volunteered themselves for the chop.

You can bet if this was the US or Australia, no matter how badly they'd screwed up or let down their fellow competitors, they would have fought to stay in the competition.

We don't like to rock the boat in New Zealand. Why win if it means putting someone else down? Why win if you're not as good as your fellow contestants, at least in your mind?

When self-doubt sets in, it's the beginning of the end. Even Peter Gordon, celebrity chef who regularly cooks for London's cognoscenti and whose Auckland restaurant Dine celebrates five years this week, couldn't believe the Masterchef contestants had to make a chocolate marquis.

"That's the kind of thing even a top chef would screw up," he said.

As for The Apprentice, none of the remaining contestants appear to be obvious winners, let alone in possession of that elusive TV talent phenomenon known as the "x factor".

Even Dan, the person who seemed most likely to become Terry Serepisos' right hand man, ruled himself out of contention with a silly blunder. The following week, Nicky, another strong competitor, decided her heart just wasn't in it.

It's amazing the producers of both these shows found people willing to be on them in the first place.

At the other end of the spectrum comes the news that Oprah Winfrey, America's icon of confessional TV, is leaving her successful format behind in the wake of dwindling ratings, after more than 20 years on air. See her announce her "retirement" on Friday at 1.30pm on TV3.

Do we care? Part of the fun of watching her talk show, aside from her A-list interviews with couch-jumping actors, commentary on big-news events, the hugely influential book club, frequent large-scale gifts for audience members, constant advice for fans (every woman must own a pair of leopard-print flats, apparently), is witnessing the freak show that is America's tell-all culture.

Last year, she featured a gunman apologising to his robbery victim, five women who'd slept with the same man and the children of a serial killer.

There appears to be more hype surrounding the launch of the unauthorised biography on Oprah by celebrity author Kitty Kelley. Not that Kelley will put a dent in her empire.

Oprah demonstrated her enormous power when the likes of Barbara Walters, Larry King and David Letterman refused to interview Kelley about the book (which appears not to be particularly scandalous, other than pointing out that one of the world's most powerful women who has made her living out of other people's stories is fiercely protective about her own private life, save the sad childhood stories she tells that suit her purposes).

Poor old uber-rich Oprah will box on. She plans to invest in her cable network OWN (Oprah Winfrey Network) and is in talks to launch a global evening show, a sort of travelmentary, no doubt spliced with advice for soul-searchers, much as her online seminars and life-affirming, self-help magazine will continue to do.

What a shame she doesn't retire to New Zealand to start a show here. We're poaching all our other TV ideas from abroad. Why not a host too? Who else would play Oprah? Carol Hirschfeld? Carly Flynn now that Sunrise has been axed? Sarah Bradley?

Even with a host in place, finding talent to appear on the couch would be almost impossible. If you're lucky, you might get one woman who has discovered her dead husband's mistresses without it being all over the rest of the news. And on today's show, we are proud to bring you an exclusive interview with ... Gilda Kirkpatrick.

Without the backing of an O-shaped beneficiary, it wouldn't make financial sense for New Zealand to film a live studio audience broadcast at lunchtime.

You could argue we already have two primetime talk shows in Campbell Live and Close Up. But if we were game enough to parade ourselves on national TV, answering personal questions about our private lives and our problems, be they financial, emotional, spiritual or otherwise, what would become of us?

We'd end up asking the host to fire us from the interview.