Michele Hewitson: Taking the cheap shot

That Money Man's a right character, isn't he? Perfect for hard times. All you'd have to do is imagine him turning up in his little, vaguely military tent (what might be the use of that netting stuff on a suburban front lawn?), waving his vaguely menacing stick around to stop your wanton spending.

"I'm fighting the recession, one wallet at a time," he shouted. Quite why an ex-marine, whose real name is the mild-sounding Brendon Johnson, might be qualified to fight the recession is as much a mystery to me as the practical purpose of that netting stuff on the tent, but what would I know?

The other mystery is why anyone would let him go near their wallets, and watch him empty them out on telly to show them to be profligate spenders living in a fool's paradise.

I rather like Money Man (Tuesday, TV3, 8pm) because it's so silly and looks to be so cheaply made (a good advertisement for parsimony in these recessionary times) that it must beat going out and spending money. On things you don't need. Like having a good time.

I have a feeling the Money Man doesn't approve of good times. At least he doesn't approve of having them now. This week's couple were ticked off (by way of stick-waving and having their credit cards blown up in what must be the naffest explosion ever seen on television) for their habit of shouting their mates drinks. He gave them a nifty saying: "Times are tight; no rounds tonight" to use on their mates. "Time to grow up," he growled.

You can't imagine Money Man ever having been a child. He looks as though he came out of the womb wearing that vaguely military combat gear, waving

his stick, and ticking his parents off for going to the flicks once a year. He trims his bristly moustache himself. That must have saved thruppence ha'penny over a decade.

Did I say this is a silly show? Silly me. I meant it's a very serious and worthy show. And to show how seriously I take it, I'm going to blow up my credit cards just as soon as I can afford to buy a stick of dynamite.

Tomorrow night on Gok's Fashion Fix (TV1, 7.30pm) you can learn how to save money by buying cheap clothes and making them look like designer rags. Well, you can if you have a fashion designer living in your wardrobe (a bit like having Money Man living on your front lawn, and every bit as bossy.) Keep your eyes peeled for handy hints. You can, for example, put cheap necklaces on shoes and they will look like they cost thousands! Or like you've

put cheap necklaces on cheap shoes. But what the hell. Think of the savings.

I'm glad to see telly is taking this recession seriously.

What a shame, I've just had a brilliant idea. If I turned the telly off, I could save a lot of money! I think I'll write Money Man a letter telling him about this brilliant idea. And - see what a lot I've learnt - I won't put a stamp on the envelope. Fifty cents saved is 50c earned. Or something like that.