KEY POINTS:
Katie Holmes is unhappy.
As if the stress of a multimillion-dollar marriage to Tom Cruise was not enough, the poor girl has just spent a honeymoon-from-hell in the Maldives.
Both New Idea and the Woman's Weekly have details of the getaway.
Things got off to a bad start when Tom brought his professional entourage along, and are understood to have plotted a downward trajectory from there.
The couple's boat - a refitted icebreaker once owned by Aussie mogul Kerry Packer and considered the world's ugliest yacht - provided no shelter for baby Suri, who was suffering a bout of prickly heat, posits the Weekly.
The yacht's reinforced hull likely made for uncomfortable sailing, particularly during the typhoons that hit the islands during the couple's visit.
And that's not the worst of it, apparently.
Cruise is a member of the Church of Scientology, whose founder L. Ron Hubbard reckoned all humans were immortal spiritual beings known as Thetans.
But Tom proved he is more cretin than Thetan by taking along his religious mentor and best man, David Miscavige.
Now it seems Katie is starting to think Tom is putting his faith ahead of her.
"The wedding was a spectacular success - but the honeymoon has been a nightmare," one of Katie's close friends confides to Idea.
Not much sign of the Cruises in this week's Woman's Day, but Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee get a few paragraphs.
The former couple have been snapped kissing, and possibly making up.
"They were kissing and hugging most of the afternoon," one insider said.
Pam's cuddling up to Tommy so soon after the collapse of her 121-day marriage to Kid Rock shows it takes more than the collapse of a long-term relationship to keep her down. Word is Tommy was ecstatic at news of Pam's filing for divorce from Kid.
The Rockstar: Supernova judge - who has proved repeatedly throughout his career that he is all class - apparently hit the phone as soon as he heard.
"He said, 'Is it true? If it is, what are you doing later?'," gushes Pamela to the Day's correspondent.
In other news, TV3 weather presenter Toni Marsh has revealed to the Weekly exactly what she wants for Christmas - a Tickle Me Elmo toy.
If ever there was a toy to roll around on the floor with, Tickle Me Elmo is the one, says Toni in this week's edition.
Thomas the Tank Engine is understood to be livid.
