KEY POINTS:
What type of girl leaves her dog and boyfriend in New Zealand to escape the ever-so-suffocating place and the constant negative quips about her appearance? None other than Charlotte Dawson, who can't help but tell all in this week's New Idea.
The blonde just can't wait to pack her bags to be a judge on Australia's Next Top Model show to escape the gossip - for six months at least - with weekly transtasman visits to dog Harper and boyfriend Hayden Bryant.
"In Australia you can still have a life without having to be in the social pages. I'd rather be a small fish in a big pond again."
Yeah, right. Expect to hear lots more from this fading celebrity.
After those terribly romantic shots of Matthew Ridge and Rebecca Loos frolicking in Malta last week, the Woman's Weekly goes door-knocking his ex and comes up with a silly scoop about Sally Ridge .
The mother-of-four got the shock of her life to come home and find a fugitive being hauled from the garden shed by six burly cops.
"It was so surreal" must have come from the same book of quotes that Sally, Charlotte and the other listers look up to flog their wares.
The Weekly has a scoop with the revelation that Kelly (Astle), wife of Black Caps batsman Nathan Astle, was as surprised as the rest of the cricketing world to learn he was giving up the game.
Turns out the batsman, with 27 centuries, is a big softy when it comes to his young family and couldn't handle the pressure of his 2-year-old son Liam saying, "Bye, daddy".
Back to the world of the surreal and a Woman's Day report about Hollywood's weirdest friendship, "the Posh and Katie show", where Katie and Tom open doors for Posh and David in Hollywood as part of a so-called lure into the Church of Scientology.
Long ago, Scientology's late founder L. Ron Hubbard reportedly cooked up his theories guzzling rum and pills and realised the value of high-profile disciples.
Snaring Posh and David to go with Tom and Katie would surely prove the theory that rum and pills do mix. Apparently Posh is vulnerable to the cult but David is dead against it.
Oh, for a dose of the royals. There's Camilla rocking the socks off American high society in the Weekly. In the Day, Princess Beatrice is snapped in the snow in St Moritz with beau of five months Dave Clark (who looks a morph of Prince Harry and Prince Andrew). And Fergie cooing: "I love my curves".
Talking of curves, photographs of Tyra "porkchop" Banks in Sydney are splashed near the back of the Day.
For women trying to control their curves, the Weekly has a five-day menu to get back the body they want. Five days for a new body. Now that's got to be worth the price of a magazine.
