KEY POINTS:
Why should we see your show?
Figjam: Because we are the only Maori show in history without funding so we need the numbers.
Andre King: Because you never know when you might need some small measure of knowledge/ experience with marae protocol. It's a dangerous enough world we live in without the need to further run the risk of being attacked by a large brown man in a skirt with a stick, poking tongues at you.
Tell us a joke in 25 words or less.
Figjam: Sorry, due to a lack of funding, no free jokes from me.
King: My mother asked if I'd done anything particularly "Maori" for Waitangi day, I said, "I didn't go to work ... "
Who is the funniest person you know and why?
Figjam: Father Ted, it was just too good to last.
King: I don't "know" anyone really funny. But I know who I like (comedy-wise) and I just do my best to be as funny as they are.
Borat - yay or nay? Why?
Figjam: Yay, he's clever, but I don't think he'll survive long term, characters never do, at some point the novelty wears off. Sacha Baron Cohen, however, will be making us laugh for years to come.
King: I really enjoyed the film and have been a fan of Cohen's for years. We may even be related (my great uncle Sebastian once traced our family tree back to Jesus).
When were you last embarrassed?
Figjam: The previous America's Cup, that was a shocka!
King: 1972 when I pooped in my pants for the very first time. It's less embarrassing now.
What's the worst line you've ever delivered?
Figjam: Delivered? Mmm, received a bad one: "It's 3am, the bar is closing and I'm the only girl left, so how'bout it?" She was ugly as all hell, but she was also right ... I miss living in Hamilton.
King: See above. That or: "When a street preacher pointed at me and said 'Jesus died on the cross for YOU!' I replied, 'He didn't die! If he had they'd call it a crucifact.' ... no one's ever laughed at it but me. Yes, I'm laughing at my own joke. I don't care if it's embarrassing. It's not as embarrassing as that time in 1972.
What were you like as a child?
Figjam: Sneaky and a bit of a smart arse.
King: My parents cut my hair short and regularly scanned my scalp for the tell tale 666 - enough said. I was never intentionally cruel, who says cats need tails anyway?
If you weren't a comedian you'd be?
Figjam: Living in the Far North.
King: Probably living with Fig in the Far north, photocopying and amending his rent receipts so they looked like I'd paid. And chasing his cat with a Stanley knife (not to hurt the cat, just to wind Figgie up - I know now cats really do need their tails).
* Whakas' show - Maori Protocol for dummies ... hosted by dummies - starts tonight at the Comedy Underground, 105 Queen St, and plays until Saturday, 10pm.
