KEY POINTS:
Why should we see your show?
Hmmm. I hate hype as it inevitably leads to disappointment, so I'm reluctant to big my show up too much here. I can make some modest claims for it though. Come! You will be indoors and dry! That seems reasonable. You will probably get to sit down! At the very least, there will be nice pre-show music! You could be sitting beside a hottie!
Tell us a joke in 25 words or less.
New Zealand Herald, I'm not sure you have quite the right expectations here. I mean if I were to write down any 25 words of my show here, the effect would be so spectacularly underwhelming that those few people who had tickets already would immediately set them on fire, put the ashes into a small, lubed lozenge shaped container and lodge it into the guts of a rare and angry animal so that others would be spared the pain of attendance.
Who is the funniest person you know and why?
I always laugh at people with funny names. A man came to my show the other night called Neil Downward. That was his actual name! I made him show me ID. There's a guy in the Dublin telephone directory who runs a floor coverings depot who calls himself Lino Richie. I see his van sometimes. I think he might be the funniest.
If you were a Conchord, which one would you be and why? (Brett or Jemaine)
As I can't sing very well or play the guitar, I doubt the Conchords would have had the success they've had with me as either of them. So if I was one, I would have been a kind of background Sid Vicious figure, all attitude and swagger but turned down at the live gigs and omitted from the recordings.
Have you ever died on stage? What happened?
Many, many times. In front of children, in front of a bus load of elderly Americans in Dublin who had thought they were going to see Christian/country and western artist Daniel O'Donnell, in front of nuns, once at a punk gig, once in front of nerds who had stayed up for the launch of a Harry Potter book, at half time in a football match. I die, but I always come back. I'm the Pac-man of comedy.
What were you like as a child?
Smaller, and in less control of my bowels. I was the youngest by seven years so I never had anything smart to add to my siblings' grown up conversations. Instead I would stick my head into the jelly, gaffa tape the dog to a skateboard, that kind of thing. Anything to get some attention. I suppose that's how I ended up doing this.
If you weren't a comedian you'd be...
I'd be an experimental physicist or an astronaut or a world leader of some kind. Maybe a combination of all three. Damn you stand up comedy for holding me back.
AUCKLAND
Where: Herald Theatre, Aotea Centre
When: April 22 - 26
WELLINGTON
Where: San Francisco Bathouse, 171 Cuba Street, Wellington
When: April 29 - May 3
