They're a couple of characters in the Auckland Museum's Secrets Revealed exhibition who have been let out of storage for the first time in yonks. And boy, do they have stories to tell ...
KEY POINTS:
Gentlemen, please introduce yourselves ...
J: Hi there, my name is Jerry Jaxon and some people may say I'm the new kid on this block, but I have to say, I've been round the block a few times and I know a thing or two!
My, what
a chatty fellow. And you, my non-feathered friend ... what's your story?
B: Are you familiar with the lesser-known bald kiwi? Thought not. No one's too sure how I lost my feathers. Well, no one's really cared much, either. I've been stuck on a shelf in the Land Vertebrates storage section for about 30 years. It's not so bad - I like the dark, after all.
Oh, would you like to both explain what you're wearing ...
J: Here in the museum I'm dressed in my Air Force uniform, but my former wardrobe was quite extensive as I had to rub shoulders with all the important people. I must say that the work I did during World War Two was pretty important so I'm quite happy to stay in uniform, and you know what they say about men in uniform!
Quite. Same question Baldy, but in your case it's a matter of what you're not wearing. Sorry, just realised "in your case" is an unfortunate turn of phrase. But aren't you cold?
B: I know I stand out, and I've tried to find out how I lost my feathers. My curator says that they were eaten by insects - chomped by clothes moths when I spent time out in country schools, on display for children living too far away to visit the museum in Auckland. I'm not so sure - I've been out and about in the collections trolley lately, and I've noticed there are quite a few feathered objects in this museum that sure aren't birds. Like that Victorian muff or all those fancy cloaks in storage. Plucked if I know how I got this way, but at least you can see that I really do have wings.
Well, if that's the case, at least they've been put to good use ...
B: It's one thing to use a bird's feathers after death, but it's quite another to swoop on a kiwi sleeping in the light of day, to take his natural covering and leave him naked and defenceless. My curator is pleased that my nudity has revealed my vestigial wings. He says that at least the public can see how small they are, and imagine how much larger they would have been when kiwis could still fly. Of course, he's not the one with a hard disc of cardboard in his armpit - or the creature left shivering on the shelf when the air-conditioning drops to arctic levels.
And Jerry, despite appearances, it would seem you're no dummy ...
J: During the war I had a very important role. Can you guess? Well my task was keeping people happy! I had a regular slot at the Auckland 1ZB studio, but I also travelled around the country - in Dunedin I even received an honorary diploma. And I became a bit of a pin-up boy. I was right alongside Betty Grable.
Er, really?
J: Modest, no, that's not a word I'm familiar with, but I have to admit that I didn't do this all by myself. George Tollerton was always on hand, or should I say that he lent me a hand, and generally I felt quite speechless without him. We had some great times together, and to be truthful I miss him dreadfully. But, that's enough looking back. Here I am at the museum and I'm ready to cheer you up.
But what about after the exhibition Baldy ... are you considering retiring somewhere warm?
B: When this exhibition is over, I'm making sure I get a shelving upgrade - to one of those comfy cushions the huias are lying on. Unless, of course, they're only for extinction class. Otherwise, a well-insulated acid-free box will do, as long as I can share it with my shelf-mates. Put in a good word for me, if you get the chance.
LOWDOWN
What: Secrets Revealed: the backstage mysteries of your museum exhibition
Where: Auckland Museum's Special Exhibitions Hall
When: Opens Saturday