KEY POINTS:
Hello, it's quite noisy where you are.
I'm going to wander upstairs and get out of the office and then I can stand outside and have a cigarette and look cool. Because that's what the cool kids do. Stand around getting lung cancer, it's fantastic.
Shouldn't you be looking after your voice?
I have to [smoke] because otherwise I lose that sexy gravelly-ness. I'm suffering for my art. The nice thing is I get medical cover so when I do end up with full-blown emphysema I'm going to be okay.
You mentioned your old job is for grown-ups. Is the new one not?
Hell no, this is fun fun fun at C4, it's every teenager's dream. I get to go back to being footloose and fancy-free and enjoying the things that make me happy. Without sounding too much like a twit, I get to experience things and share them with other people. That's the great thing about this job.
How old are you?
29.
So if this is every teenager's dream, are you the right age for the job?
Oh my God, what did you have to bring that up for? I was having a perfectly good morning right up until then. Well it's a youth station.
Is 29 youthful?
Absolutely. They say your 30s are the new 20s, eh? We're still lucky enough to be able to run around and have a jolly good time. With age comes experience. I've been to hundreds of gigs and this sounds really wanky but I feel like a bit of an educator. I want to give the people watching C4 as many touch points as possible to get to know the music and the artists and the bands that are influencing their lives at the time.
So what are your favourite bands?
At the moment, my favourite Kiwi band of all time is Autozamm. I'm a big Beatles fan, a big Rolling Stones fan. My genre of choice is hard dance. I love hardcore rave, I love drum'n'bass but it's right across the board. This morning I was listening to Robbie Williams' Sing When You're Winning. I'm really enjoying listening to old stuff again - the Ramones, old-school rock. I'm re-establishing the things I listened to back when music meant so much to me, what got me involved in the first place.
What about new stuff, upcoming artists?
The new Robyn album. The Electric Confectionaires are an absolute darling band. Bless those little Taka boys and their crazy haircuts.
What has the radio chick had to learn about TV?
Standing still and making sense. I've always been a really kinetic, wavy-hand-type person and that's the biggest thing I've had to learn so far. I'm learning all the technical things which is mind-blowing. Lots of buttons to be pushed and knobs to be turned and slidey things to go up and down. I've done a bit of TV so being in front of the camera, the bright lights, I'm not finding that difficult at all, being able to share my opinions, getting to interview some amazing artists. Who wouldn't want to speak to Jose Gonzales and ask him how he keeps his nails strong enough to play the guitar the way he does? I'm not nervous about that.
You're obviously very outgoing. Phil is a pretty mellow guy. How's that going to work?
I think we complement each other really well. Jane and Phil are similar people and they worked together well because of that. Phil's quite thoughtful. He thinks before he speaks which will complement me because I have a tendency to say "whhhoooaar" and the verbal diarrhoea makes a mess and I have to spend a while cleaning it up.
So will you have to watch yourself, put the brakes on?
No because I genuinely find what he has to say really interesting. It's about respect. I think we're going to be BFFs. We're going to exchange friendship bracelets and then we're going to have girly nights in where we can do our hair and paint our nails and talk about boys.
Are you the female Joel Defries?
No, definitely not. Joel's a Jewish mockney from Muswell Hill. I'm the real f***ing deal, I'm just not Jewish.
How are your interview skills?
I love to talk to people. Although I need direction because otherwise the verbal diarrhoea takes over and I start asking inappropriate questions. But isn't that just a great way to get to know somebody?
LOWDOWN
Who: Helena McAlpine
What: Special Features
When and where: Returns Jan31, C4, 8.30pm.
