KEY POINTS:
The Scottish-Indian comedian whose 14-date NZ tour starts in Wellington today. He performs at the Civic, Auckland from Wednesday-Friday.
You must know NZ pretty well by now. I actually came here on holiday this year and familiarised myself because on tour I never get a chance to stop and take in the scenery. I went to the Bay of Islands and thought it was just amazing. I hired a fishing boat and went out for a couple of days. The skipper didn't say much - which I liked. And I also didn't say much, which I also liked. It was two days of sitting there with the rod in the water. The fish were incidental.
What do you pack when you're on tour?
I used to take a spare dressing gown in case my first one deteriorated and then I realised this was ludicrous. I know that when I get to New Zealand it's pretty good for clothes shopping. I tend to pack quite light.
How many pairs of flares have you brought this time?
Funny you should mention that because I've stopped wearing flares. This is huge news, a massive exclusive for you. Partly because I looked back at my DVD and thought, why am I always wearing flares? And my manager looked at me as if to say, I've been telling you this for years. I now wear normal jeans or trousers, straight up and down and they go from the top of my legs to the bottom of my legs and they don't deviate. I tell you, I cannot get rid of the women now.
How hard is it being an Asian in Glasgow at the moment?
I've got a bit of material I'm going to try tonight about the Glasgow attacks. I fly out of Glasgow quite a bit and it's just incredible how one instant like that, however botched and ridiculous it was, can change the whole psyche of a place. I noticed a huge difference when I flew out last time. People I know at the airport, friends of mine who I'd usually toss a line to and then walk through. Suddenly it's, 'Sorry I'm going to have to search you'. I remember the good old days when you could soar into the air with a martini in one hand and a mobile phone in the other ...
When was the last time you got in trouble with the boss (being you)? Well I frequently berate myself. On a daily basis I have shouting matches and throw stationery at myself and say, 'Ai! This isn't good enough'. Basically I'm a paranoid schizophrenic. I chuck myself out of bars at night. I'm pretty hard on myself.
We hear you fell off the stage at a gig in Ballarat. How badly did you hurt yourself?
I pulled all the muscles in my right arm. I've got a new beginning to my show, it's quite cool, very Scottish rock'n'roll. It requires the stage to fill up with smoke and bright lights, but if the smoke is too much and the light is too bright, I can't see so I've got to judge where the end of the stage is. On this occasion, I walked too far forward.
[Kids' entertainer] Humphrey B Bear did that on the same stage. Yeah, I was told his head had come flying off. I'd never heard of him. I said, Jesus Christ, this guy's head came off? This is ridiculous. Then I found out a week later it was a big, giant bear which I was fairly relieved about. I'd gone around for a week going, you're not going to believe this but one guy's head came off. Yeah I'm pretty lucky, I just ripped my shoulder off.
