Coolio had one job at the I Love the 90s tour, but he didn't quite get it done. Photo / Supplied
There was lots to love about last night's throwback rap show - and one thing that wasn't so good. Chris Schulz was there.
Matching outfits that included neon jackets, camo pants, overalls with one side hanging loose, green hightops, Adidas tracksuits and ripped fishnet jackets - fans crammed into Trusts Stadium came dressed for the occasion, and it felt like being inside one of those hyper real MTV music shows from the 90s.
Too legit to quit, Auckland. Respect.
They're in their 50s now but the Oklohoma trio didn't act like it, busting out their best co-ordinated dance moves for a short but sweet set that ended with their 1992 hit I Wanna Sex You Up. They still hit those high notes too.
He had one job, and one job only: to nail his massive hit Gangster's Paradise. He absolutely, totally butchered it. With a terrible saxophone riff droning throughout the entire song, Compton rapper Coolio played a slower, weirder version of his bonafide rap classic.
It quickly went from, "Hell yes!" to "Oh hell no". But he almost saved things by changing the line, "I'm 23, will I live to see 24?" to, "I'm 53, will I live to see 54?" Yes, Coolio is 53 years old. Way to make us feel old, buddy.
The night's longest set was also the most relevant. New York trio Salt, Pepa and DJ Spinderella nailed it, performing brash, bold, groundbreaking singles Push It, I Wanna Sex You Up and Expression next to two often shirtless male dancers - and it couldn't have felt fresher or more timely.
Their girl power passion had all the confidence and sass and class of their peak. And they got the biggest ovation of the night for doing something I've never seen at a hip-hop show before - getting men up on stage, and objectifying them.
Take that, Nicki Minaj.
Why the 90s one-hit-wonder was headliner was anyone's guess - especially after Salt N Pepa had already performed what felt like an unstoppable show-closer.
He delivered the weirdest, strangest thing to hit a music stage in Auckland in a long time: with two clowns dancing side of stage, and a giant, blow-up gorilla behind him, "the coldest rapper in the game" - his words - started with a dubstep banger straight from the bowels of 2013, played his Ninja Turtle anthem Go Ninja, Go Ninja GO!, ripped through Ice Ice Baby, then just yelped about parties over a mashed-up medley of more recent dance tracks.
It ended with him yelling, "There's still beer in the keg...the party's over here" repeatedly, excessively at the crowd.
Actually, Vanilla Ice pretending to be relevant was an apt way to end the show. It's how the '90s ended too.
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