Best Death Of The Year, Best Cross Gender Acting Of The Year, Best Pash of the Year - this is an awards ceremony like no other.
The second annual Hackman Theatre Awards were given out in Auckland last night, and while some accuse the theatre world of taking itself too seriously, these awards couldn't take themselves any less seriously.
One category - Best Practitioners of the Year - is decided by a dart being thrown from the balcony by a representative of Directors, Designers, Production, Miscellaneous - and last night's winners - Playwrights.
While the event is clearly quite a riot, one of the main goals of the night is to lampoon the fact that Auckland - a city that likes to see itself as a genuine rival to Wellington in the world of performing arts - has no awards for theatre.
"We want it to highlight the fact that there is a hole in the industry, and hopefully someone will feel the need to fill it," says awards producer Kip Chapman.
In another of the non-traditional categories, The Silo Theatre received the award for Best Technical F**k-up Of The Year, for video projectors overheating on the opening night of When The Rain Stops Falling.
"It was fixed for subsequent performances but for opening night they had to stop the play," says Chapman. "Everyone had to leave for five minutes, and then for the rest of the show it just kept beeping. It was outrageous."
The Hackman Theatre Awards for Wellington (Chapman Kip Awards) take place this Friday 3rd December - details here.
Full list of categories - winners in bold
Best Entrance of the Year
The Horse in Horseplay
Colin Garlick in Treasure Island
Stuart McKenzie in Biography of My Skin
Best Death of the Year
Sam Snedden in Mojo
Gypsy Kauta in The Office Xmas Party
Barnaby Fredric in The Irrefutable Truth about Petfood
Best Poster of the Year
The Irrefutable Truth about Petfood
The Vagina Monologues
Assassins
Best Costume of the Year
The pants that pissed themselves in That Face
Raising the Titanics
Miranda's body paint in Biography of my Skin
Smallest Part of the Year
Matt McDougall in The Lover
Edith Poor for That Face
Stuart Devenie in August: Osage Country
Best Cross Gender Acting of the Year
Jonathan Brugh in The Second Test
Samuel Christopher in The Masculine Monologues
Fleur Saville in The Giant Face
Best Accent of the Year
Jessica Joy Wood in Hotel
David Van Horn in Mojo
Kate Prior in My Name is Rachel Corrie
Best Break up of the Year
Jennifer Ward-Lealand and Alistair Browning in August: Osage County
Michael Whalley and Brooke Williams in Romeo and Juliet
Toni Potter in The Vagina Monologues
Best Technical F**k up of the Year
The SILO Theatre for When the Rain Stops Falling
-On opening night video projectors used in the production overheated, resulting in loud beeping throughout the night, and the performance being interrupted several times.
Best Dry of the Year [Dry is theatre jargon for someone forgetting their lines]
Renee Lyons in The Xmas Monologues
Stephen Butterworth in Songs for Guy
Oliver Driver in Thom Pain - was that a dramatic pause or a forgetful pause?
Best Weapon of the Year
Ben Farry in Romeo and Juliet
The Swords in Treasure Island
The Baking Tray in The Office Party
Award for an Actress/Actor playing a character with a disability/medical condition of the year
Andy Grainger in What to do about Dad? (Stroke)
Sophie Roberts in Broken China (Pregnancy)
Ryan Richards in Idiots: Back2School (Too many concussions)
Stage Manager of the Year
Fern Christie in Sweeny Todd
Lauren Wati for Happy Days
Pip Smith in Mojo
Best Line in a Kiwi Play
"I am an Anglican not an alcoholic and there is a stark difference - I have a drink to the lord at 9am and in my eyes that counts as communion." -Samuel Christopher for Masculine Monologues
"Should we change his Facebook status to Dead"
-Eli Kent for The Intricate Cart of Actually Caring
"Maybe he does have a container load of washing powder at his mates porn shop that he's going to distribute after displaying how a bunch of cardigans with pockets can be used to enable politicians and lawyers to discreetly purchase pornography and sex aids for a ten grand payout. But does it really matter?"
-Sam Berkley for The West Auckland Cardigan Appreciation Society
Best Newcomer of the Year
Director Sam Shore for The Idea of America
Eli Kent and Jack Shadbolt in The Intricate Art of Actually Caring
Ash Jones in The Importance of Being Ernest
Best Use of a Prop
Michael Hurst's Appendage in Cabaret
The Banana in Krapp's Last Tape
Robyn's handbag in Happy Days
Best Pash of the Year
Laurel Devenie and Lisa Chappel in The Importance of Being Ernest
Todd Emerson and Byron Coll in Dog Sees God
Michael Whalley and Brooke Williams in Romeo and Juliet
Outrageous Award for Best Performance of a pill poppn' hard drinking Grandmother with a family of philanders, pot heads and incest dabblers of the Year
Jennifer Ludlam
Best Ensemble Acting of the Year
The cast of The Vagina Monologues
The cast of The Suburban Murder
Morgana O'Reilly in The Height of the Eiffel Tower
Best Singing in a Play
The cast of Songs for Guy
The Cast in Raising the Titanics
The cast of Assassins
Best Dancing in a Play
Fiona Collins in My Penina
Greg Cooper in Heroic Faun Number .1
Gareth Reeves in Mojo
Best Comeback of the Year
Ian Hughes in Mojo
Michell Hine in The Idea of America
Tim Balme in Horseplay
Best Practitioners of the Year
Playwrights
Directors
Designers
Production
Misc.
Lifetime Achievement Award
Raymond Hawthorne
Hackman Awards highlight lack of theatre recognition in Auckland
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