KEY POINTS:
"The problem with this year's line up," a colleague announced, "is that there are no real plonkers. No Rodney or Holmesy."
She has a point. It's hard to get excited about this year's in-take of Dancing With the Stars contestants, when they are all so tame.
Where's the
one you love-to-hate? Who is this year's dancing potato?
Sure, Peter Urlich is annoying and Martin Devlin talks a lot of rubbish. But they're no Rodney.
Part of the problem is the lack of politicians in this year's line up. With elections looming in spring, Beehivers don't have time to campaign for both their electorate and the show.
Instead, we have three sports stars - Monty Betham, Cory Hutchings and Temepara George; two radio hosts - Urlich and Devlin (well, former radio host); a singer - Tina Cross; an actress - Miriama Smith; and Geeling Ng, aka David Bowie's China Girl.
Last night's debut episode saw the contestants firmly establish their roles in the series, which returns to TV One for its fourth season.
Martin Devlin is the joker.
Promising a "train-wreck", the motormouth presenter spent the evening pulling faces and cracking jokes.
In fact, his dancing wasn't that bad, when he finally shut up long enough to dance.
Cory Hutchings and Monty Betham are the guy candy. Hence the lycra tops and tight fitting trousers.
The judges claimed Hutchings needed to work on his upper body movement.
It's a miracle they noticed. The rest of the audience was glued to Hutchings' bottom end, wriggling and writhing in those ridiculous trousers.
Tina Cross is the natural and a serious contender for the title.
The judges know this and were deliberately, and openly, harsh on her. Despite delivering the best dance of the night, she only scored the third highest score, because, according to the judges, they "expect more from her".
Miriama Smith is teacher's pet, earning praise from all four experts and the top score of 35.
Whether Smith is actually the best dancer is debateable. Rather, it seemed the judges became more lenient as the night wore on and Smith was the final contestant.
Peter Urlich is the wildcard of the competition.
The usually jovial radio host donned a serious game face for last night's debut, delivering a stern-faced waltz that wowed the judges with its "heart". But last night's performance had the distinct feel of a one-hit wonder.
Temepara George is the one with the best partner.
Was she any good? Who knows? The dance certainly looked flash but whether that was solely down to Stefano Oliveri's fancy footwork is open to debate. Judge Paul Mercurio certainly seemed to think so.
Which just leaves our little China Girl, Geeling Ng, who appeared to be the loser of the pack.
She wasn't terrible, but it definitely wasn't good.
And without a dancing potato to divert attention, it seems Ng will be the first to hang up her dancing shoes.
