Forward Thinking: Awards forum for star turns

Marton's Chad Chambers, the winner of Maori Television's Homai Te Pakipaki. Photo / Supplied

"Darkness, imprisoning me
All that I see
Absolute horror
I cannot live
I cannot die ..."

Mmm ... I'm not sure how well One by Metallica would go down on karaoke show Homai Te Pakipaki. Still, the whanau are a pretty accepting and responsive lot, so One is what I'd sing - and I'm sure they'd take me under their wings.

But it's a competition more suited to Rod Stewart, Elvis and Leo Sayer songs. Although what was Gisborne's Phillip Tarawa thinking doing Sayer's You Make Me Feel Like Dancing with that off-putting, not to mention hard to pull off, falsetto spoiling any chance he had of higher honours?

He looked like he was having fun though, and that's what the Maori Television show is all about. Well, that and the chance of winning $10,000 and a special cooker that "hangis, smokes, and bakes" your food. A big kia ora to that whanau.

It was a Bob Marley-meets-bro-like rendition of Rod's I Don't Want To Talk About It by Marton's Chad Chambers that won him this year's competition. While he has a beautiful, garage-party sing-along voice, what was most striking about his performance was his white gumboots (seemingly fresh from the freezing works).

Hey, every star needs a gimmick, just ask Lady Gaga, who has her male alter-ego Jo Calderone (like a 50s greaser-meets-Joe Pesci), or Katy Perry who's taken to wearing a bright yellow box on her head.

While Chad's gummies might be gimmicky, Homai Te Pakipaki really is a lovely, down-to-earth competition. My favourite was David Curtis - with a voice like the Righteous Brothers-meets-Inia Te Wiata - who got into trouble with his family the last time he appeared on the show because he mentioned only nine of his many children.

The whanau on Homai Te Pakipaki sure are salt-of-the-earth folk, which is more than can be said for the MTV Video Music Awards (the VMAs) held this week. Yes, it is a spectacular TV event with star-pulling power, but it's also an exercise in bottom-kissing bravado and showing off.

There was rich-little-pipsqueak Justin Bieber thumping his chest, big upping Chris Brown as the singer and Rihanna-basher did his best Cirque Du Soleil impression, flinging himself around the venue suspended from wires.

Young rapper upstart and troublemaker Tyler, The Creator, said something that was almost entirely bleeped out. And Jay-Z and Kanye did their double act where they come out on stage and take turns at shouting and pointing at people.

I feel for Beyonce, especially now that she's pregnant. Imagine having to put up with Kanye and his ego coming over on the weekend for a play date with your husband.

Another person I feel sorry for in show business this week is NZ's Next Top Model contestant Rosanagh. She has supposedly led a deceptive double-life. Well, all I can say on that front is, leave the girl alone. She's 17 and if you can't be a little bit naughty at that age, then what can you do? Besides, from what I've seen of the show this year, she's the one with her head screwed on the most.

This Top Model game is like the shenanigans that goes on at the VMAs. Rosanagh has the serene, slightly wide-eyed amazement and natural talent of Adele, Bianca is the oddball Lady Gaga and Brigette, well, if she was black, she'd be Beyonce.

And now, girls, it's time to paki up.

- TimeOut