The former talk show host revealed at her West Hollywood gig on Wednesday that she was “kicked out of show businesses” not once, but twice.
“There’s no mean people in show business. The ‘be kind’ girl wasn’t kind,” DeGeneres, 66, revealed on stage during her new comedy tour.
“I became this one-dimensional character who gave stuff away and danced up steps. Do you know how hard it is to dance up steps? Would a mean person dance up steps? Had I ended my show by saying, ‘Go f**k yourself,’ people would’ve been pleasantly surprised.”
DeGeneres recalled being kicked off of TV after she came out as gay, thus axing her eponymous sitcom Ellen at the end of the ‘90s.
“Eventually they’re going to kick me out for a third time because I’m mean, old, and gay,” she joked.
In 2020, Hollywood publicly shunned DeGeneres a second time when she was accused of creating a toxic workplace on The Ellen DeGeneres Show, which led to the firing of three top producers on the talk show.
“I’m giving stuff away … and I danced, then I was mean and they didn’t like me again,” she said at the stand-up show.
“It’s been such a toll on my ego and my self-esteem. There’s such extremes in this business, people either love you and idolise you or they hate you, and those people somehow are louder.”
Warner Bros. cancelled the show, which saw DeGeneres sit down and interview big-named celebrities, in 2022 following the controversy.
“This was a whole different thing,” she responded to an audience member while chatting to some of the attendees in the crowd. “This was like, ‘What is going on?’ It was so hurtful. I couldn’t gain perspective.
“I couldn’t do anything to make myself understand that it wasn’t personal,” she added. “I just thought, ‘Well this is not the way I wanted to end my career, but this is the way it’s ending.’”
“I just hated the way the show ended,” she expressed. “I love that show so much and I just hated that the last time people would see me is that way.”
DeGeneres and her wife, Portia de Rossi, confessed during the show that they both disappeared from the spotlight following the fallout, adding that it was tough on them both. However, they’re now ready to get back on the horse.
“It’s hard to dance when you’re crying,” DeGeneres told a fan in the crowd. “But I am dancing now.”