Jay-Jay Harvey falls during her Dancing With the Stars performance last night. Photo/TV3
Jay-Jay Harvey falls during her Dancing With the Stars performance last night. Photo/TV3
Colin Mathura-Jeffree gets cornrows, Pam Corkery gets in party mode and Jay-Jay Feeney's snake fails to slither. It's this week's Dancing With the Stars wrap.
Week three, and it really does seem as if these celebrities are just going to keep coming back to dance on the television every Sunday night until somebody tells them to stop.
Last week Dominic Bowden had to tell Maz Quinn to his face: "Please go away and never come back".
Siobhan Marshall and Charlie Billington perform on Dancing with the Stars.
Kicking off the week - and Latin Night - with a 'sexy samba', Siobhan finds herself in the weird and unenviable position of being a little bit too good at dancing for this show. The judges can barely contain their annoyance at another week's competent performance. This isn't good narrative - you're supposed to be bad at dancing and get slightly better, not make the whole thing look effortless from the start. If Siobhan isn't careful Julie Christie is going to have to kneecap her in the parking lot.
Judges' score: 24
Shane Cameron & Nerida Cortese
Shane Cameron and Nerida Lister perform on Dancing with the Stars.
Someone accidentally left the TV at the gym on Sky Movies Classics this week and Shane Cameron saw Pulp Fiction for the very first time. "I want to do that," he said, gesturing his enormous meaty hands at the screen when it got to the dance bit. How could Nerida say no? Their jive to Land of 1000 Dances is probably the most delightfully corny thing anyone has ever seen in the history of television, and Shane is a 100 per cent perfect DWTS contestant.
Simon Barnett and Vanessa Cole perform on Dancing with the Stars.
The show's editors have been putting in overtime through the week to compile a dramatic multi-angle slow-motion montage of the exact moment Simon's knee fell off last Sunday. It feels like pre-game State of Origin, and his rhumba to Sam Smith's sookie cover of How Will I Know is every bit as gripping as the first hitup. After surviving the dance Simon lifts up his trouser leg and pulls back a flap of skin over his knee to reveal the wirings of a new, fully robotic patella. He's more machine now than man.
Judges' score: 24
Chrystal Chenery & Jonny Williams
Chrystal Chenery and Jonny Williams perform in the latest episode of Dancing with the Stars.
The week's first and only pasadoble, a dance which predominantly involves Chrystal being dragged along the floor like a swiffer mop. It feels like watching a very elaborate and convincing infomercial, but just like the Abflex and Ginsu knives, dragging your partner across the floor to a cool mariachi cover of Olly Murs is probably one of those things that looks better on TV than it is in real life.
Judges' score: 22
Colin Mathura-Jeffree & Kristie Williams
Colin Mathura-Jeffree and Kristie Williams perform on Dancing with the Stars.
My notes for this dance just say: 'cornrows'. What kind of dance did Colin do? What was the song? What did the judges think? Sorry, all we know and all that really matters is that for some reason Colin got cornrows this week. For one-and-a-half minutes time stood still and a cold wind of change blew through the country. Like it or not, we are living in the Colin Mathura-Jeffree cornrows era now.
Judges' score: 19
Pam Corkery & Matt Tatton Brown
Pam Corkery and Matt Tatton Brown perform on Dancing with the Stars.
"I'm in the car and I think: 'I'm going dancing ...' and I start to laugh hysterically" reveals Pam in her pre-dance interview. This seems ... not good? This week Party Pam is in full, glorious mum-at-the-wedding mode, samba-ing to a late-era No Doubt banger with her new Brazilian son-in-law. If this was New Zealand's Next Top Mum she would score a perfect 30. But it's not, and she's scored 12.
Judges' score: 12
Teuila Blakely & Scott Cole
Teuila Blakely and Scott Cole perform on Dancing with the Stars.
If I'm the TAB (and I most assuredly am not) then Teuila is at very short odds after this week's incredibly sensual rhumba to an incredibly sensual rights-free cover of Ed Sheeran's Thinking Out Loud. The former ED charge nurse is the full DWTS package - compellingly good at dancing, but also hugely relatable and big-hearted.
Ben Barrington and Krystal Stewart perform on Dancing with the Stars.
Norse God Ben Barrington has the constant air of someone enthusiastically taking part in a viral video craze two weeks past its peak. Doesn't he realise he's on a deadly serious dancing competition? The judges hate him and his goofy cha-cha to Party Rock Anthem, but it tickles Dominic Bowden, who requests an encore of the Running Man.
Judges' score: 15
Jay-Jay Harvey & Enrique Johns
Jay-Jay Harvey and Enrique Johns perform on Dancing with the Stars.
Jay-Jay and her husband Enrique are the final couple and 17th rhumba of the night. Unlike the others this one begins with Enrique carrying Jay-Jay on stage like a corpse and ends with Jay-Jay sliding down Enrique's leg like Bridget Jones on a fireman's pole. The rhumba is 'the sexiest dance of them all' and on tonight's evidence it's very easy to see why. But it didn't all go to plan ...
Oops. That was not what I hoped! Eek. Loved my dance, sad about the Snake. But thank u so much for the awesome support!! #DWTSNZ
