"I don't really know what to say here … just feels so weird to pretend nothing happened in this online world but feel like utter sh*t in real life," the model wrote in a caption next to an image showing Teigen's living room from her perspective.
"Going outside sucks and doesn't feel right, being at home alone with my mind makes my depressed head race. But I do know that however I'm handling this now isn't the right answer. I feel lost and need to find my place again, I need to snap out of this, I desperately wanna communicate with you guys instead of pretending everything is okay. I'm not used to any other way!"
Teigen went on to say: "Cancel club is a fascinating thing and I have learned a whollllle lot. Only a few understand it and it's impossible to know 'til you're in it. And it's hard to talk about it in that sense because obviously you sound whiny when you've clearly done something wrong. It just sucks. There is no winning. But there never is here anyhow. All I know is I love you guys, I miss you guys, and I just needed an honest moment with you because I'm just … tired of being sick with myself all day. I don't even know if it's good to say any of this because it's gonna get brutally picked apart but I dunno."
She concluded her post by giving a shout-out.
"I can't do this silent sh*t anymore! If you or someone you know has also been cancelled please let me know if there is a cancel club reunion because I could use some time off my couch! Thank u and goodbye I love u."
Teigen first shared a lengthy public apology in June stating: "Not a day, not a single moment has passed where I haven't felt the crushing weight of regret for the things I've said in the past."
The wife of John Legend came under fire after tweets originally written in 2011 resurfaced online including one suggesting a then 16-year-old Courtney Stodden take a "dirt nap" (slang for die).
Lindsay Lohan was also targeted by Teigen. In 2011, she wrote: "Lindsay adds a few more slits to her wrists when she sees Emma Stone."
Designer Michael Costello accused Teigen and her stylist, Monica Rose, of blacklisting him which he said brought on suicidal thoughts. But Teigen hit back at Costello, claiming the designer was lying about the accusations.
Where to get help:
• Lifeline: 0800 543 354 (available 24/7)
• Suicide Crisis Helpline: 0508 828 865 (0508 TAUTOKO) (available 24/7)
• Youth services: (06) 3555 906
• Youthline: 0800 376 633
• Kidsline: 0800 543 754 (available 24/7)
• Whatsup: 0800 942 8787 (1pm to 11pm)
• Depression helpline: 0800 111 757 (available 24/7)
• Rainbow Youth: (09) 376 4155
• CASPER Suicide Prevention
If it is an emergency and you feel like you or someone else is at risk, call 111.
