REVIEW:
“I’m a pussycat. I’ve got nine lives.” Is it activist Tāme Iti talking about his life of mystery and intrigue, or Celebrity Treasure Island returning for another season? If you answered both, congratulations.
That’s right New Zealand, NSYNC is back, Backstreet is always back and guess what else? Celebrity Treasure Island is back baby.
The popular TVNZ show is finally here, I’m your official Herald recapper and like broadcaster Mel Homer I too am caught saying, “Why am I here? I think it’s a midlife crisis”.
Taking us through from the chilly start of spring to the (hopefully) warm end, the show has pulled a Madonna and much like the It girl she is, it’s had the ultimate glow-up. We’ve got a brand new cast, a brand new location and surprise surprise, some brand new twists and turns.
If that doesn’t breathe life back into your cold, post-winter soul, I truly don’t know what will.
But with a slightly different format and a whole mixture of personalities, will the show pack the punch and drama of seasons past? Or, will it be just another Kiwi reality show you can’t help but turn off after three episodes? There’s only one way to find out.
We start this season in a fairly unique way - not because of the budget’s large cash injection catering for several helicopters - but because of the location. This time the show isn’t in luxurious Fiji, nor the mighty Northland, instead it is the breathtaking Te Waipounamu - or more specifically, an idyllic location just outside of Wānaka.
As a Central Otago local, I feel seen, I feel heard and, naturally, I will spend this season mentioning my hometown more than mental health advocate Jazz Thornton mentions her TikTok fame.
Too far? Guess we’ll only know if the TikTokers “destroy me”.
Continuing with the Fans v Faves format in the sense that there are only two teams, the celebs learn very quickly that bingeing the last couple of seasons of the show was of benefit to absolutely no one except TVNZ’s ratings.
It’s also where our first major format difference reveals itself because, this season, hosts Bree Tomasel and Jayden Daniels explain to the teams they won’t meet each other until they have completed their first challenge and the winner has been crowned captain.
Hang on. You mean there isn’t a challenge where the winning team gets to lean into their pettiness and pick the captains of the other teams? I know, I wasn’t expecting it either. Bring back the high school drama.
We kick things off with Tomasel greeting team green aka - Kārearea and host Jayden Daniels greeting team purple - aka Tohorā - for their respective challenges.
As you already know from last week’s cast announcement, there are some iconic names in these groups but just in case a few of you didn’t do your homework, let me catch you up.
In team Tohorā, we have the legends that are Matilda Green, Matt Gibb, Steve Price, Turia Schmidt-Peke, Grant Lobban, Homer, Laura Daniel and the man who needs no introduction, Iti.
It’s the team that is destined to give us the giggles this season. If Iti’s warm persona hasn’t sparked your intrigue already, don’t worry, Mustapic and Schmidt-Peke’s hilarious hot takes prove there are plenty of lol moments to come.
Meanwhile, over in team Kārearea, we have Blair Strang, Eli Matthewson, Thornton, Jordan Vandermade, Nick Afoa, Mary Lambie, Megan Alatini, Miriama Smith and the beautiful, Courtney Dawson.
Maybe it’s because green feels like a less fun colour than purple, but this team is a serious clan. They are the oldest sibling, the one who must succeed and have no fun while doing it. As child number one, I understand, but as a reality TV viewer, I want drama, not a noogie.
Thankfully, things take a positive turn in the form of Mustapic. He’s chic, he’s unintentionally funny and he’s going down as the unexpected star of the show because while he may have been a personality hire, he’s the spice Treasure Island has been missing.
Upon being told the castaway who wins the first challenge becomes the captain of their team, the comedian gives a sly look to the camera before sharing in his confessional, “I really want to be captain so I can send other b**ches up for elimination,” Just give him the $100,000 now.
I promise that the last time I treat Mustapic like my favourite child - at least until tomorrow’s recap. So, like the castaways, let’s make moves.
Climbing onto a wall, our celebs hang onto pegs and try to stay there for as long as they can, which sounds horrifying and then it gets worse.
Tomasel and Daniels say they will roll a dice and if a castaway is clinging onto a peg in the wall with the number it lands on, say sayonara legend. Throw it out of the wall and test your balancing skills.
Including some fairly relatable faces and comments, the challenge is a new fresh hell plotted by the black cat producers but gives a great indication of who may come out on top further down the track, it also reveals our captains.
For Tohorā, it comes down to Gibb and Green but ultimately The Bachelor star takes it out with a show of incredible strength of the pelvic floor. An obvious slay, we love a female lead. For Kārearea, Vandermade lands the top spot and he instantly gives us a “rich boy who has returned ‘awakened’ from Bali”.
The next 10 minutes of the episode include some introductions that are honestly so boring I refuse to waste my time or yours but then there is also the first team face-off. It’s competitive, it’s bold and it’s hilariously awkward because Captain Green forgets the name of her teammate, Lobban. Unfortunately, I spent the entire challenge rolling around on the floor laughing that I simply cannot recap it except to tell you Kārearea won.
Now, off to the final challenge of the episode.
Enter the Captain’s coup - which is also new. This season, there will be no captain’s challenges but rather a coup which is exactly what it sounds like.
The winning team of the day get to pick a member from the losing team to go up against their own captain. If the captain loses, they are stripped of their captaincy and it’s given to their teammate. If they win, they get to keep it. Treasure Island, you are naughty for this.
Tonight, Kārearea are in charge and in an ironic twist of fate, they call for Tohorā's captain, Green to go up against Gibb - who almost beats her earlier in the day.
The classic Kumara game is back seeing the two castaways play a guessing game of whether or not a Kumara is in a box and the challenge is as frustrating as it is hilarious as we hear Gibb and Green say Kumara so many times that it doesn’t even sound like a real word.
Ultimately, Gibb is no match for Green who continues to hold onto her captaincy and proves women can do anything. It’s the exact energy I will be taking into the next eight-ish weeks of recapping - looks cute, but causes chaos.
Celebrity Treasure Island airs weekly, Mon-Wed, 7.30PM on TVNZ 2 and TVNZ +.
Lillie Rohan is an Auckland-based reporter covering lifestyle and entertainment stories who joined the Herald in 2020. She specialises in all things relationships and dating, great Taylor Swift ticket wars and TV shows you simply cannot miss out on.
The much-loved 90s band kicked off their reunion tour in Cardiff, thrilling 74,000 fans.