Emotions run high on tonight's episode of Celebrity Treasure Island. Photo / TVNZ
Emotions run high on tonight's episode of Celebrity Treasure Island. Photo / TVNZ
REVIEW:
At the start of yesterday’s episode, Dunkedon Garner provided fish for Wētā's breakfast. At the start of this episode, he provides a shoulder to lean on in a touching moment of male bonding with James Rolleston.
They have been stranded on the North Island for (checks notes) three days.
Team Aihe enjoy the breakfast of champions. Photo / TVNZ
Nevertheless! We must leave Camp Wētā to their bonding and join the reinvigorated Camp Aihe. Having just scoffed down an ill-gotten yet scrumptious breakfast, they’re excited to face their first Charity Challenge.
The task is simply to make each other laugh. They’re divided into teams of three and start telling jokes. Old jokes, knock-knock jokes, Dad jokes and jokes about Wētā's Dunkedon Garner.
“Who looks like they have gout but they’re not Tongan?” JP Foliaki asks, metaphorically leaping through the air like Michael Jordan to deliver his slam dunk punchline; “Duncan Garner!”
Team Aihe roars with laughter. Foliaki is through to the Sudden Death final, facing off against dad joke enthusiast Millen Baird and pro-comedian Janaye Henry.
Who will crack first? Photo / TVNZ
This is the winning joke of the Charity Challenge:
Q: What do you call a religious vampire?
A: Christian Cullen.
Did you laugh? Chuckle? Smile? Smirk? Snicker?
Neither does anybody else. The silence is deafening as Henry worries her Twilight-referencing joke sucked more than a thirsty vampire. Until Foliaki turns to look at Cullen. Their eyes meet. Cullen flashes a grin. Foliaki cracks. Henry takes the win.
No one is laughing at Camp Wētā either, the celebs are still salty about Aihe’s Suzanne Paul swiping their rightful gourmet breakfast. Spankie Jackzon calls a group meeting to harness Wētā's bubbling, boiling anger.
Comedian Janaye Henry takes the win. Photo / TVNZ
“I said to her, ‘We’re coming for you,” Spankie Jackzon tells his teammates. “And I meant it.”
With the flames of resentment stoked, Jackzon leads the pack in a group twerk to prepare for war.
Wētā are psyched and standing staunch as they wait for Aihe to join them at the team challenge.
“They look like they’re ready for real battle,” co-host Lance Savali gulps.
While Wētā pull their best battle faces, Aihe’s Cullen engages in some amateur sports psychology.
“When Spankie’s dressed as Spankie, he’s quite intimidating,” he says, puzzled. “But when he’s dressed as a bloke, he’s not.”
Today’s challenge has the teams on the sea in inflatable rings playing water hockey. They paddle onto the course and the game begins. Langstone correctly asserts that “it’s an absolute shambles”.
An absolute shambles. Photo / TVNZ
In the chaos, Wētā secure an early lead when captain Wairangi Koopu pulls off a Hail Mary pass to Casey Kopua, who outmanoeuvres Mea Motu. She shoots. She scores!
With the heart of a champion, Motu fights for the ball, flicking it to Langstone who drifts past Kopua’s defence and passes to Cullen. The Paekakariki Express powers out of the station, steams towards the goal and slips a short pass to Coffey. He shoots. He scores!
Score: 2-1.
Things get messy on the water as Aihe’s underdogs scrap the possession. Coffey emerges with the ball. Still looking for redemption for past crimes, he shoots wildly. Back of the net!
Aihe enter the second half boosted as Wētā deflate. They can’t go one-on-one against their stronger opposition, so rely on quick passing to get the ball to Coffey, who’s now buoyed not by his inflatable, but by his ever-growing confidence. He shoots. Hat-trick!
Score: 2-3.
Wētā regroup and barge straight towards the goal. Kopua gets the ball, brute forces her way clear and, with all the time in the world, shoots. Goal!
Score: 3-3.
The game enters sudden death as Heart versus Brawn. Aihe come out splashing, getting the ball to Coffey who crumbles under pressure from Kopua. Wētā's Dunkedon Garner scoops the ball, clears it but only succeeds in passing straight to Aihe’s Motu who feeds it to Langstone to deliver to Coffey who shoots …
It’s a real Cinderella story as Aihe claim their first victory of the season and Coffey completes his redemption arc. Full of grace and humility, the ever-modest Coffey says, “Everyone’s gonna be thinking, ‘Tāmati’s the man!’.”
Following the loss, Wētā's mood is as miserable as the beans they have for dinner. Jackzon and Rolleston worry their trash-talking at Paul could see her selecting them for the elimination challenge.
But Paul wants to keep Wētā on edge and discounts the obvious picks. She wants to cripple Wētā by targeting their muscle. The feisty Motu volunteers to face Kopua, but Paul has other ideas. She asks if the similar height Baird would brave the challenge. Yes, he says, as long as it’s not puzzle-based.
The challenge consists of two puzzles, a hand maze and a jigsaw. Baird looks utterly bewildered as Savali explains the rules. He looks utterly shook when Paul calls his name.
“Is ‘e gonna be strong enough to take on Casey?” she muses. With an air of cold indifference reminiscent of Game of Thrones’ ruthless Cersei Lannister, she shrugs and says, “Per’aps”.
The actor blitzes the maze but is swiftly stumped by the puzzle. His considerable lead of Kopua evaporates. For 20 long minutes, the pair push and slide their blocks, praying to stumble into the win.
Frustrated, Kopua bangs and crashes her pieces as Baird enters a state of zen. He’s hypnotised by the blocks, peacefully gliding them into various configurations of failure.
You can almost hear the choir of angels when the correct path is revealed to him. With unhurried purpose, he smoothly manipulates the pieces to solve the puzzle. He takes the win and eliminates the mighty Kopua from the competition.
The celebs say goodbye to Casey Kopua. Photo / TVNZ
Paul’s bold, risky strategy to weaken Wētā has paid off handsomely, their physical advantage stripped away and leaving them two players down. Her self-satisfied smirk speaks volumes.
