Tonight, Wairangi Koopu turns on his allies. Photo / TVNZ
REVIEW
Host Bree Tomasel is working overtime. She’s whooping and hollering with barely containable enthusiasm as the celebs jostle to crush the cans tied to each other’s feet.
“It is carnage!” she bellows.
“That was pure chaos!” she shouts.
“This is some Tomb Raider s**t!” she exclaims.
“What an absolute showdown!” she reflects when it is all over.
It’s fair to say she has oversold what I can only loosely refer to as “the action” of today’s Charity Challenge. There is not much to say aside from Wairangi Koopu and his steel-capped boots crushed the most cans to win.
The Face-Off battle is a different story. It favours no player and all players. It is a mix of balance, aim, puzzle-solving and good old-fashioned luck. The players need to spin themselves out of a spool and then run across a balance beam. Then they must throw a ball through a target to pull down a bag of puzzle pieces, which must then be assembled in the correct order.
The challenge begins. Dunkedon Garner pirouettes with all the grace of a brick to immediately tumble to the ground. Millen Baird wobbles slowly across his beam. James Rolleston is seemingly unaffected by dizziness and charges full speed across the beam.
Despite his lead, Koopu is close behind. And then caught up. And then in front, hitting his target and retrieving his puzzle pieces. His lead is short-lived, however, as Dunkedon Garner stages a mighty comeback, hitting the target on his first try.
JP Foliaki is right behind them. The others, however, are going nowhere.
“This is frustrating to watch!” co-host Lance Savali shouts, as the remainder of the group misses shot after shot after shot.
Eventually, everyone – bar Shoddy-Shot Solomona – gets their pieces. But without a miracle, they have no hope of catching up. Dunkedon Garner remains neck and neck with Koopu. But there are no miracles to be found.
“Wairangi! Wins! Again!” Savali shouts as Koopu slots his final piece into place.
“Arrrgh!” wails Dunkedon Garner in despair, tumbling to the ground for the second time.
But his frown turns upside down when Koopu selects him, along with Bubbah, Foliaki and Rolleston, to join him for his reward; a luxury yacht cruise. Solomona, Baird and Christian Cullen are left behind, signposting who he’ll be selecting for elimination.
Unless that miracle does show up after all …
The five sailors have just demolished a fresh seafood feast out on the ocean when an unwanted visitor speeds towards them.
“It’s not a party without me!” Savali shouts, climbing aboard.
“This can’t be good,” Koopu mutters.
But Savali is nothing but care and smiles and is being suspiciously nice. Bubbah cracks.
“It’s lovely to have you here,” she says flatly. “It’s just so random. I’m nervous.”
“Thank you,” Savali shouts, before revealing the true purpose of his visit. “The elimination battle is going to happen right here, right now!”
Koopu’s face drains of colour as he realises he will have to put up two of his allies for elimination.
“I feel like I’ve been cornered,” Koopu admits quietly, reeling at the nasty surprise. “This is a dark place for me.”
His first pick is Rolleston.
“He knows it’s not personal,” Koopu says, justifying the pick. But Rolleston wasn’t expecting to be selected.
“I’m a bit shook by that,” he says.
“Your second person will be?” Savali shouts.
Bubbah, Foliaki and Dunkedon Garner anxiously stare at Koopu all willing him not to call their name. He doesn’t.
“Me,” Koopu says.
Shouty Savali is rendered speechless for the first time this season.
“I am responsible for this situation that I’ve put them in,” Koopu says. “I’ll do the honourable thing and take that responsibility on.”
“Wow,” Savali exhales. “It is very, very risky Wai.”
“I’m going to take that risk.”
The challenge is simple. The pair need to walk the plank. The first to fall in the water is eliminated. As they balance on their planks, the nature of their relationship becomes clear. They’ve known each other since Rolleston was a boy growing up in Ōpōtiki. They’re like family. After Rolleston’s serious car accident, Koopu was there.
“I visited James in the hospital when they were going to turn his life support machine off,” Koopu says.
“I’ve seen photos,” Rolleston says. “So I know Wairangi was there. I was in a coma for about 3½ weeks. I was put on life support. It was an induced coma so they could operate on my legs and other broken bones in my body and stuff, but I ended up staying in the coma for a bit too long. Because I suffered a traumatic brain injury I think my brain and my body was in too much shock. My brain stopped showing activity for some time. They actually did consider turning my life support off. But I had people watching over me. God was on my side. As he is always.”
Then Rolleston says, “It wasn’t my time.”
After nine long minutes of balancing on the planks, the pair are instructed to step on to the narrow end. They both wobble, arms flailing to correct their balance. Rolleston overcorrects, leans forward to counter and splashes down into the water.
Wairangi wins. But it is a hollow victory.
“Eliminating little bro out of the game doesn’t feel great,” he says sadly. “I feel pretty guilty.”
The mood is glum as Savali tells them the remaining players will be spending the night on this luxurious boat.
“James is like my little brother,” Dunkedon Garner says. “I feel like a little heartbeat’s been ripped out of me.”
Everyone’s upset. Everyone except Rolleston.
“This is a massive win for myself,” he says. “There was a whole lot of things I was doubting myself prior to coming on the show. But I made it this far.”
Then he smiles and says, “I was able to overcome a lot of those things.”
His time is up.
Celebrity Treasure Island airs Mondays to Wednesdays at 7.30pm on TVNZ 2 and is available on TVNZ+.
Karl Puschmann is an entertainment columnist for the Herald. His fascination lies in finding out what drives and inspires creative people.
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