Cassie Roma wasn't too pleased about Te Kohe Tuhaka's assertiveness. Photo / TVNZ
REVIEW:
Do you know what my favourite thing about Celebrity Treasure Island is?
Learning the talents of the cast.
Mangō's Te Kohe Tuhaka can catch a crab with his eyes (almost) closed, Dylan Schmidt can do the splits and Courtenay Louise? Well, she can attempt a handstand, fail, then brush it off as a really awkward version of the worm.
If only this was the most entertaining part of tonight's episode. Buckle in Kiwis, the drama is just starting.
After the unofficial talent show, we kick the episode off with a challenge that can only be described as spiderweb netball.
I was about to skip ahead because anything spider related gives me the chills but then host Matt Chisholm tells the celebs that the winning team will get a fishing kit and wait for it … Dame Susan Devoy.
Yes, our favourite squash player and the first intruder is ready to enter the game and she's stoked, I'm stoked, everyone is stoked ... well almost everyone but more on that soon.
Devoy is happy because not only did she say sayonara to mental health advocate Mike King and former All-Black Rob Cribb - who were probably doing her head in with their bro chat - but she is also entering the game as a captain.
Chisholm explains that whichever team wins the challenge will decide what team Devoy joins and therefore becomes captain of.
It's a move that has everyone's feathers ruffled – all except Kuaka's comedian Guy Montgomery who looked like Santa Clause had just arrived.
"This woman is a weapon," he enthusiastically grinned.
Mangō wins the challenge and they - sorry, Tuhaka, decide Devoy will join Kauri which kicks their captain Lynette Forday and her sassy sparkly scarf to the side and surprisingly upsets both Melodie Robinson and Devoy.
"They probably thought let's throw another stroppy woman into a team that's already got a whole lot of stroppy women and see how that turns out," Devoy told the confession cam.
As for why Robinson is down in the dumps about her new teammate, it is revealed over at camp Kuaka by radio host, Alex King that Devoy and Robinson have butted heads once or twice.
"So knowing Mel outside of the show, I know that she's had some disagreements with Dame Susan Devoy, and I also think TK knew that as well." she smized.
But before we get to any Mean Girls-style confrontation, Mangō has some scores to settle.
Businesswoman Cassie Roma gets back to camp and instantly goes in on Tuhaka because he voiced the team's decision instead of their captain, Boss Babe, Iyia Liu and all I can think of is how Mangō is very similar to District two in the Hunger Games.
No room for egos when you're in the Hunger Games or whatever President Snow said.
"It was important for me to take ownership," Tuhaka says but Roma isn't having it. She pulls Louise and Liu for a chat and sternly tells her captain, "Take everyone's opinion but you get to make a call."
Louise quickly realises it's time to ditch her vocation as an amateur dancer and slip into her new role as a hype girl, "We will back you." She says to Liu.
While it was intended to be a very women-empowering women chat, Liu didn't exactly appreciate being told what to do. She is a boss babe, after all, and knows exactly how to handle her staff – sorry, teammates.
Speaking to the confession cam she admits, "I think Cassie was very quick to defend me but if I actually did want to talk I would have said something."
"And that's how a boss babe does it," I write in my notebook.
Finally, the producers give us what we want and pan back to team Kauri to see how the newest team member is settling in.
The answer? Well, the jury is still out.
Devoy waltzed into the camp with her captain stick and, without a second thought, she eats the team's last can of spaghetti. Cue the tragic music.
Dancer Elvis Lopeti is internally crying while ZM's Cam Mansel is getting nervous. He knows he is surrounded by a bunch of strong-headed women, and he doesn't know what will happen next.
"Are they all going to butt heads? That's the biggest question on our minds right now," he nervously laughs to the confession cam.
But it's very chill. Robinson grabs Devoy and they take a lovely stroll along the beach. Just two old frenemies catching up and plotting against everyone.
Got to keep your friends close and your enemies closer. I see you, Devoy, I see you.
We conclude the game with a captains' challenge where the three captains are read a fact, and they have to guess who it's about.
Everyone was expecting Devoy to lose because she is so new to the game and barely knows anyone but come on team, she's a Dame. That entitles her to FBI-level knowledge on every single one of you.
"What is she, a blimmin detective? She's come to arrest us or something?" Kuaka's Shimpal Lelisi said.
He's going to sleep with one eye open from now on, I can tell.
Devoy wins the challenge and gains her team the opportunity to steal a winning team's reward.
"Snaps for Susan," Lopeti sasses.
• Celebrity Treasure Island airs weekly, Mon-Wed, 7.30PM on TVNZ2 and TVNZ+.
The host has been spotted across the Atlantic post-election.