The castaways emotions are at all time high as Blair Strang pulls out super secret scroll. Video / TVNZ
OPINION:
There’s no time for formalities today, whānau, because we finally know what’s on that secret scroll. “Team swap,” Tohorā captain James Mustapic shouts.
My jaw? On the floor. My expectations? Exceeded. My intrigue? Piqued.
“The holder of this scroll must choose three people from each team to swap sides. The only people who cannot change teams are the captains. The swap is a permanent decision and will take place immediately.”
It’s a decision that leaves the teams gasping like a fish out of water, and they realise the producers are here for the plot and the plot only. I, for one, commend it - the castaways, not so much.
“Huge bomb just to chuck into the middle of the game,” Matt Gibb says. We’re not in Studio 2 anymore, Squirt.
If OMG was a facial expression. Photo / TVNZ
Mustapic is forced to think on his feet, much like when you’re explaining to your boss that the iced coffee in your hand is definitely not the reason you’re late to work, and tells Kārearea he has chosen Nick Afoa, Courtney Dawson and “Shorty Street guy”, AKA Blair Strang, AKA Zaddy Grylls, to join his team.
Letting us in on the slightly evil rationale of his choice, Mustapic tells the confession cam, “What I do like about this is that for ages I’ve been like, ‘Oh no, I have to put up someone from my team’, but now I’m like, ‘I’ll just chuck up all these Kārearea people’.”
As for who is heading to Kārearea, Mustapic decides on Matt Gibb, Mel Homer and Turia Schmidt-Peke. It’s a surprising choice considering his recent alliance with the actress, but all’s fair in love and war, baybay.
As for Gibb, he’s slightly upset about the whole thing, and if he wasn’t a golden retriever with a personality softer than a baby’s bottom (respectfully), we may just think he’s about to become the next villain. “He just knew he wanted to get rid of me. James, we’ll just see what happens with that,” he tells the confession cam.
Meanwhile, back at camp, the new Tohorā cohorts are gelling well, but we move on from that with pace - like the producers, we’re here for the plot, and it’s the super-secret game-changing advantage Mustapic won that we all want to see.
Mustapic holds all the power - yet he still can't get an appointment at the Treasure Island nail salon. Photo / TVNZ
“These scrolls have been the bane of my existence,” the comedian tells the confession cam, before giving us a little bedtime story. “The holder of this scroll can take a sneak peek at one face-off challenge - be it team or individual.”
Interesting.
At Kārearea, while Schmidt-Peke is struggling to fit in with her new team, Homer and Gibb are coming in hotter than a mince and cheese pie at smoko. “They’re already telling everyone about the clues Tohorā has and stuff. I was just like, ‘What are you doing?’”
When your bestie calls someone else their bestie. Photo / TVNZ
But that’s not the only place tea is being spilt. At Tohorā, Strang is ready to share the super-secret scroll he purposely hid from Vandermade - sorry, Kārearea. “I wanna go into the face-to-face challenge with a team that’s together and loyal and willing to fight for each other,” he tells the confession cam.
He reads out his scroll, but thanks to some editing dirtier than a Married At First Sight dinner party, we don’t get to hear it. Thankfully, Laura Daniel tells the confession cam exactly what it says. “His scroll, we’ve never seen it on the show before,” she says, before she’s cut off and we once again are left high and dry.
Treasure Island, I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed.
Off we head to the face-off, and it’s a grand entrance for Tohorā as Mustapic is sitting cosy on Afoa and Steve Price’s shoulders. “The dictator has arrived!” he shouts.
It’s bold, it’s chic, it’s made Kārearea’s knees weak... from laughter. But don’t tell Mustapic and his minions that.
Dictator Mustapic has arrived. Photo / TVNZ
In today’s face-off, the teams are basically partaking in an obstacle course, arcade game then netball. Every athletics box has been ticked, and the winners will get to choose who gets to go up in the elimination round as well as the Bluebird boredom-buster. Nom nom.
It’s a frustrating challenge, but Tohorā finally take it out and they are thriving, especially their (obviously) naturally platinum-haired dictator. “I feel great. It was almost too easy, though the other team hadn’t even started,” Mustapic tells the confession cam. “Sh**, are we unstoppable?”
It’s the same speech Kris Jenner gives herself in the mirror each day.
Back at Tohorā, they’re enjoying some delicious Bluebird chips and classic Kiwi dip when they have a lightbulb moment. It’s time for a chip sammie. Like a few sneaky kids after school, they slap some chips on a bit of white bread and mow down New Zealand’s greatest creation - until Price looks at them with utter confusion.
“I lived in New Zealand [for] 13 years, I don’t remember having a chip buttie,” he tells the confession cam before taking his first bite. “Oh my god, this is definitely something I’m going to be going home with.”
All is well in the world once more.
Same James, same. Photo / TVNZ
Alas, it couldn’t stay well for long and the vibe immediately changes as Mustapic is asked who he is putting up for elimination. “I’m feeling like we’ve kinda gotta get rid of the big strong players,” he tells the team, and Afoa has gone from nice guy to sad teen blasting The Fray’s How to Save a Life in his bedroom.
We’ve all been there.
“I feel very stressed about the decision I have to make, but I also love the power, so pros and cons.” Is it Mustapic, or me when I have to spend $200 on the very trendy Adidas Sambas? We’ll never know.
At the elimination round, he decides to put up Kārearea’s Jordan Vandermade, battling it out for Youthline, against Tohorā’s Nick Afoa, battling it out for the BBM Foundation/Just Move. It’s a challenge of endurance for the two men which sees them standing on a frame and holding on to the ropes above.
After a brutal, and I mean brutal, one hour and 45 minutes, Afoa is about to give up, but then a bumblebee appears. “My wife and I have had a few really strong moments in our past where things have shown up to remind us that God is with us,” he tells the confession cam, “and this might sound weird, but in the past, it’s been a bee - something clicks in and I just go to this place.”
Bless.
Taking 'just chilling' to a new level. Photo / TVNZ
Finally, Vandermade decides to eliminate himself, causing Afoa to burst into tears as they come off the frames, but the presenter has a look on his face similar to your brother’s after he cut all the hair off your Barbie dolls.
As if it was planned, Matthewson interrupts the elimination and decides to use the mercy card to save Vandermade. Where the heck is my stress ball when I need it?
“It is really amazing to stand there and see Eli come through with what he was saying he was going to do,” Vandermade tells the confession cam.
Oh, you thought Jordan didn't have a plan? Neither, to be honest. I'm as shocked as you. Photo / TVNZ
This is honestly worse than your friend saying “but when it’s good, it’s good” with regard to their toxic relationship, and just like the rest of that conversation, things take an even wilder turn as Strang pipes up. “Wait a second, Jayden,” he says to a silent arena. “It gives me no pleasure to do this.”
It’s at this moment my stress ball pops and the episode ends. See you tomorrow.
Celebrity Treasure Island airs weekly, Mon-Wed, 7.30PM on TVNZ 2 and TVNZ +.
Lillie Rohan is an Auckland-based reporter covering lifestyle and entertainment stories who joined the Herald in 2020. She specialises in all things relationships and dating, great Taylor Swift ticket wars and TV shows you simply cannot miss out on.
