Mike King has a personal vendetta against Kauri's Melodie Robinson. Photo / TVNZ
REVIEW:
It wasn't on my Celebrity Treasure Island 2022 bingo card but it's happened. The islanders have their very own pumping room.
I know what you're thinking, pumping for what? Pumping water? Have they created their own water cleansing system?
No, I'm talking about breast pumping. Because feminism has done what feminism does best and proved that women can do anything and they always find a way.
Kauri's Siobhan Marshall showcases her strength in tonight's episode when she admits that it's the first time she has been away from her two young children since they were born.
The former Outrageous Fortune star has an 8-month-old bub and is still breastfeeding but it's taking its toll. Through tears, the new mum tells her teammates that she is really struggling being away from her kids.
But as all mothers do, she prevails. We stan a strong woman.
Meanwhile, over at Mangō, Cassie Roma tells Mike King about the all-female alliance and it provokes a cunning plan.
Using his cuppa tea voucher that he won yesterday, King Snr decides to have posh pastries and oat milk lattes with his daughter, Kuaka's Alex King and Kauri's Melodie Robinson.
And then it's all on. The scheming begins.
"The only person in my team I care about is Cassie, f*** the rest." cut-throat King Snr tells his coffee pals.
The cuppa tea team decide to form an alliance called Team Waru (eight) and in it is Kauri's Robinson and Elvis Lopeti, Kuaka's King Jnr, Shimpal Lelisi, Eds Eramiha and Mangō's Courtenay Louise and Roma.
But to keep anyone off their scent, they tell their teams King Snr is actually in favour of an all-female alliance. Instead of the story throwing everyone off their scent like they thought it would, it actually gives the celebs something to giggle about.
"Do you know how bad that sounds? Mike Kings' women's alliance," Lelisi and Eramiha joke when King Jnr explains the plan. "I don't buy it," Lelisi tells the confession cam.
While some are laughing, others are fuming. Robinson tells Kauri about the all-female alliance and it provokes some feelings.
"Personally I believe in quality for all and I think it's pretty crap that they're just going to try to pick people off just because they're boys," Cam Mansel says.
Yeah, call them out Mansel. Feminism is all about equality. But also, am I mad about a theoretical female alliance? Not really.
After the morning chaos, we finally get a confession cam moment with King Snr. He's ready for his close up and with his natural blowout, he delivers some steaming hot tea, "Mel's team's the biggest threat, we want to get rid of Joel and Mel eventually."
Mwah ha ha. The master of master plans comes out, leaving me with just one question. Is King Snr a mental health advocate or a chaos king? You do the math. I would but I failed math.
The team challenge comes and goes with Kauri taking out the win, meaning they get to pick who will be going up for elimination.
Susan Devoy, the captain, the strict camp mum and our favourite Dame listens to everyone's opinion and while Robinson thought she was being super coy about protecting her super secret alliance, Team Waru, Devoy has got her number.
"She's clever Melodie, I've got her on my radar," she says suspiciously.
Despite all odds, we finally make it to the elimination and Devoy puts up Mangō's Schmidt, who is competing for his chosen charity Special Olympics NZ and Kuaka's Eramiha, who is competing for his chosen charity, NZ Mental Health Organisation.
I know what you're all thinking, Eramiha is obviously going to take out the win. He's got at least a head-on Schmidt and he kind of looks like Jason Momoa so everyone at home wants to keep him on their TV screens for an extra week.
But this is not the time to be fooled by good looks. Schmidt is an Olympic athlete. Sure, he might miss his trampoline and his protein shakes but competitive is his middle name. He trains for this ... kind of.
Schmidt wins, I win a bet against my flatmate and King Snr is fuming at Robinson.
"You cow, you had one job," he tells the confession cam. "he [Eramiha] was the one person that was looking after my girl. Now it's personal."
Yikes. I'm getting divorced parents vibes.
Eramiha is bummed, and so is his bestie Mango Te Kohe Tuhaka who gives his pal a heartbreaking send-off.
Standing tall the Mangō team member performs an eye-watering haka. Eramiha is crying, King Jnr is crying, and I'm definitely close to crying.
"I did not expect that from Te Kohe, I did not expect tears," Erahima says.
And if you listen very carefully you can hear King Snr plotting revenge against Robinson in the distance.
Celebrity Treasure Island airs weekly, Mon-Wed, 7:30PM on TVNZ 2 and TVNZ +.
The host has been spotted across the Atlantic post-election.