Former Black Fern Melodie Robinson knows how to play the field. Photo / TVNZ
REVIEW:
We are in week two of Celebrity Treasure Island and there is an important matter to deal with.
Emotions.
Kuaka's Alex King starts the day with a (very understandable) sob about missing her family and feeling the pressure of not wanting to let down her father.
Mangō's Te Kohe Tuhaka is missing his heavily pregnant wife, so much so, that tears start welling. And then there is Dylan Schmidt.
Ah Schmitty, the Olympic trampolinist. Yes, it's his heartfelt admission that steals the heart of Kuaka's Karen O'Leary.
"I spend pretty much every day of my life jumping on a trampoline so being here and not being able to do that is really hard."
He is almost in tears as he talks about his beloved trampoline, and so is O'Leary.
"The way that he talks about his trampoline is just ..." she pauses, wondering if she should drop the C-bomb, "endearingly cute", she says, gushing over the sweet sportsman.
However, the time for sobbing is quickly over and it's not long before Schmidt finds the spring in his step once more and shows lightning-quick running skills in the team challenge.
Ka-chow.
With a plate of fully loaded nachos on the line, the team challenge started off with a hiss and a roar but things quickly simmered down as the celebs got stuck on the puzzle section.
What felt like 100 years later, we finally have our winner. Mangō - but did they really win?
That's yet to be decided, because in comes mental health advocate and our second intruder, Mike King.
He, who I shall now refer to as King Snr, made his presence known by quickly taking over the role as captain of the winning team.
King Jnr was in shock, "You've got to be kidding me," she sighed, "it's my dad," and I could tell she instantly regretted crying about her dad earlier in the episode.
Meanwhile, King Snr walked into the game and chose conflict. Instead of winning friends and influencing people - like bringing a mini trampoline for Schmidt - King Snr instead went straight for it.
Like insulting his new teammate, Courtenay Louise.
"I have no clue who Courtenay is, she comes up and is like laaa laaa laaa. I thought oh Jesus, she's one of those," King tells the confession cam.
"I thought 'oh could you just - wow - okay, I gotta spend time with you?'" he laughed - but his sigh said it all.
He has had enough. He is more fed up than King Charles was when the aides wouldn't move his pen box and inkwell.
Speaking of winning friends and influencing people, over at Kauri, Lynette Forday makes a joke about how she's glad they didn't end up with King Snr on their team.
"We couldn't have 5000 people in here trying to be the leader again," she cracks up laughing and instantly points at team captain Dame Susan Devoy, "that was my joke on you."
Of course, the joke (dig) goes down like a lead balloon and Devoy swipes back, "explain yourself".
Cam Mansel looks like a deer in the headlights as he holds on to his seat, wondering if his bestie and host, Bree Tomasel, could do him a solid and help him switch teams.
Over at Mangō, Louise pulls her teammate and secret alliance buddy Cassie Roma for a cha, where they spill the tea. And Kauri's Melodie Robinson agreed to be in the all-female alliance.
But don't be fooled, this former Black Fern made a career out of playing the field and it's not long before she begins phase two of her two-faced plan.
She and Elvis Lopeti head over to team Kauaka, where they offer captain King Jnr a basket of food in exchange for her to throw the captain's test.
Through drool, she and the team decide to say no - after all, nothing tastes as good as winning feels, but then Lopeti whispers to King Jnr all is not what it seems.
Robinson and Lopeti actually want an alliance with King Jnr and her alliance buddies, Shimpal Lelisi and Eds Erimiha.
It is sly, it is slick, and it is the alliance proposal they thought no one would pick.
Only they did. Does no one know Officer O'Leary is standing right there? I mean, come on you rookies.
"I watch things and I observe things, I watch how long each conversation took, I heard the relaying of what each apparent conversation was and they just didn't match up to me. I haven't worked out what's going on yet but I will," O'Leary says.
Goosebumps.
We end the episode with a captain's test and King Snr beats his daughter and Devoy.
"Of course he just waltzes on in, he gets captaincy, wins the captain's test, congratulations", King Jnr sarcastically jokes to the confession cam, still upset she has to share the spotlight with her dad.
Meanwhile, King Snr is conspiring.
"Mel is the threat," he smiles, but you'll have to wait until tomorrow night to find out what exactly he's got planned.
• Celebrity Treasure Island airs weekly, Mon-Wed, 7.30pm on TVNZ2 and TVNZ+.
'It is a project that was of great importance to Malcolm.'