Lynette Forday was called out for cheating. Photo / TVNZ
REVIEW:
An intruder has arrived on Celebrity Treasure Island - and no, it's not Mike King or Ron Cribb.
It's an unbothered, nocturnal, spider pig-like possum nicknamed Sleep Deprivation Sally.
Despite being warned about pesky possums invading CTI campsites, Kauri chose to live in ignorant bliss, they didn't believe it would happen to them. And then it did.
I swear this team will give us every single drop of drama this season, even if it's out of their control.
After the dramatic night of no sleep, team Kauri – naturally - decided to get the day started with a rap and no one was more embarrassed about it than Melodie Robinson.
Joel Rindelaub led the charge and while his island bestie, Cam Mansel was enthusiastic at first, he was also realistic.
"I love the chant but I never want this chant to be something that we do in front of anyone else," Mansel joked but his face said it all. He was already making an escape plan. He won't be able to return to ZM if they see him performing the amateur rap.
With that, we chop to the next team challenge and after Kuaka's Shimpal Lelisi drools over the prize – a big breakfast complete with coffee and custard-filled pastries – we set our sights on the first piece of nasty behaviour.
Only five players per team can play in this round so Kauri's Lynette Forday takes advantage of her spot on the sideline and attempts to give the team some sneaky hints.
She would have gotten away with it too if the police weren't also on the sideline. Kuaka's Karen O'Leary channels her beloved character Office O'Leary and shouts at Forday, "That's cheating!"
Does it bother Forday? Not in the slightest. She is a rebel, an outlaw if you will.
"This game is all about cheating" she shrugs to the confession cam, appearing about as unbothered as Sleep Deprivation Sally was.
Meanwhile, I sassily flick my Forday-inspired sequin scarf to the side in solidarity. Rules are meant to be broken anyway.
The game concludes with Kauri taking out the win and while they're all smiles over at Kuaka, Guy Montgomery is feeling very low and blaming himself for his team's loss.
"I'll wear it for a minute and then I'll be fine. I feel like was my responsibility."
Montgomery is like a puppy, he's adorable, a sweetheart. Far too precious for a game like CTI. Thankfully before I ended up crying because of my empathy for Montgomery, Kauri took one for the teams and did what had to be done.
Yes, much to Mansel's dismay, they performed their team rap and frankly, it deserves an Oscar. Top-tier entertainment and I think the celebs agree because they were gobsmacked. No words were said, it was that good.
Back at camp Mangō, Courtenay Louise and Cassie Roma sneak away for a very honest chat.
"I definitely think there is a divide between the sexes," Louise smizes to the confession cam. "I'm unsure if the guys are aware of that and at the moment I would like to keep that on the D-low. I don't want them to start thinking that there is a female alliance going on."
But it turns out it's not just men they are hiding the alliance from. They also keep Boss Babe and team captain, Iyia Liu out of the loop.
That's not very female alliance of you, Louise and Roma.
Over at Kauri, alliances aren't even a thought. They are too busy giving us the 2000s-style reality TV we deserve.
Dame Susan Devoy calls out Forday for her cheating during the challenge. Forday quickly gets her hackles up, while Mansel watches on with his tail between his legs and everyone else looks like they would rather be anywhere but there.
We end the episode with our first elimination and it sucks. It actually sucks. I feel like the chick in Mean Girls who wants everyone to bake a cake and live happily ever after.
But alas, this is not primary school and not everyone gets a gold star so in what is an endurance, strength, and fitness challenge that rivalled the beep test, Kuaka's Montgomery went up against Mango's Te Kohe Tuhaka and ultimately lost.
Montgomery said it's "embarrassing" to get out first but honestly didn't look too upset about going home and missing out on more funds for his charity Auckland City Mission.
Tuhaka on the other hand? He had literal tears, "the thing that really got me because we haven't talked about it much was to hear him say who his charity was."
Cest la vie, Montgomery and Kia Ora to the official start of CTI.
The game doesn't start until someone is sent home.
• Celebrity Treasure Island airs weekly, Mon-Wed, 7.30PM on TVNZ2 and TVNZ+.
The host has been spotted across the Atlantic post-election.