Courtenay Louise breaks down all in the name of manipulation. Photo / TVNZ
REVIEW:
It's off-brand for these recaps but Kuaka's charity challenge today is too good to skim past.
Between Melodie Robinson's excitement to be tied up, Cam Mansel's competitive streak shining through and Jesse Tuke's half-worm, half-elephant seal d-floor move, I'm at a loss for my favourite moment.
Tuke takes out the win earning his charity Live Ocean $5000, but as it turns out, he's won a lot more than just that. He's also scored the heart of Robinson.
"I mean he's amazing, smart, charming, incredible, great at sport," the sports star gushes. Ladies, take notes because it's exactly what you are going to tell your boyfriend's mum at Christmas dinner. "But you've got to be blind to think the navigator and someone as talented as him is not a threat."
I take back everything I said.
Over at Mangō the scheming continues with Courtenay Louise and Ron Cribb sneaking away from the group to have a pre-game chat. All that's missing is the Powerade and beans on toast.
Cribb tells Louise they absolutely must win the face-off against the Wallabies... sorry, Kuaka, so they can pick the elimination battle because it's time to get rid of Joel Rindelaub.
The team face-off is once again rowing in those pesky boats everyone hates and Kuaka takes off with a hiss and a roar. They are convinced the lamb roast prize is theirs but they've forgotten the All Blacks are trained to make a surprise comeback at halftime.
Mangō's Cribb channels his scrum skills and jumps out of the boat pushing his team to shore and I'm half convinced he's going to do the haka just to scare Kuaka.
Alas, there is no time for a haka, and he goes straight to his team to help them secure the win. If you take anything from the iconic moment, let it be to never get in between a man and his lamb roast.
The teams start walking back to camp, and Louise tries her best to slip a note to Robinson warning her of the impending elimination round. Unfortunately for the actress, her teammate, Elvis Lopeti, is watching her "like a hawk", leaving her no choice but to abort the mission.
Back at Kuaka, the team come to the conclusion Robinson will be put up for elimination and Tuke plants the seed that Louise may save Robinson with her mercy card.
The former Black Fern is feeling as happy as a kid who just got a pair of Crocs – yes, they're back in fashion – but she's completely forgotten that Tuke has his own advantage card and an agenda.
"I'm thinking in my head if Courtenay puts someone else from her own team do I use my own advantage to swap Mel in tonight?" he says to the confession cam.
At Mangō, Louise is feeling a little bit guilty about wanting to put Rindelaub up for elimination because she really likes him as a mate, but then she realises they are actually in a game, and the only way to win is to manipulate everyone around her.
She and Cribb decide to con the team to vote for who goes up for elimination, giving them a choice between Cribb and Rindelaub. What's cheeky about this, though is that they know they have at least four votes for the scientist.
The plan is in motion, and Louise sits down with the team, instantly bursting into tears, "I just feel so bad," she says. It was at this moment Cribb realised how terrifying women can be, "It's scary, I was actually confused," he tells the confession cam.
But there is one person who sees through the crocodile tears and it's our sassy saviour, Lopeti, "Oh, shush and save it. I know what they're doing here," he tells the confession cam. "They want to put Joel up, that's just the honest truth. This election is so rigged."
Finally, it's time for the elimination, and Louise unsurprisingly decides to put up Melodie Robinson from Kuaka, who is competing for the Rugby foundation and Joel Rindelaub from Mangō, who is competing for South Auckland House of Science.
Halfway through the elimination and Robinson is losing so badly that it's causing Louise to have a full-on breakdown. She may have to use her mercy card to save Robinson, thus exposing her secret alliance.
So she does what any damsel in distress does and makes it someone else's problem. She catches the eye of her ally - Kuaka's Mansel, who tells her not to save Robinson. It's not exactly the answer she wants. "What the hell?" Louise tells the confession cam.
While the stress is building for Louise, Tuke may as well be parked up in a Lazy Boy with a beer and a bag of popcorn. "I'm barely even watching the game, I'm just zoning into what's happening around me," he tells the confession cam.
Louise quietly begs Tuke for help, but he gives her nothing. "I'm still giving her the most unhelpful hints," he laughs to the confession cam. Meanwhile, Cribb is whispering, "trust me", and telling her to save Robinson.
So Mansel is telling her not to save Robinson, Tuke is shrugging his shoulders and Cribb is telling her save the former Black Fern? If Louise doesn't have stress pimples yet, I certainly do. Where is the Neutrogena?
Rindelaub takes out the win, and I never thought I'd say this, but the episode ends on a very welcome cliffhanger.
I need to go put on a face mask.
Celebrity Treasure Island airs weekly, Mon-Wed, 7.30pm on TVNZ2 and TVNZ +.
'Sometimes you can't plan unpredictability and fun, it has to just happen.'