Oh, you thought the tears would save you? Not from Courtenay Louise. Photo / TVNZ
REVIEW:
"I still think my biggest threat in this game is Mel," Kuaka's Jesse Tuke starts the episode strong.
Melodie Robinson was gifted immunity yesterday by Mangō's strategic captain Courtenay Louise, and while Robinson is thriving, others are plotting her downfall.
"We need to take her out," Dame Susan Devoy tells the confession cam. Not that this is anything we didn't already know. Their frenemy relationship dates back to that of cats and dogs.
Unfortunately for us drama-loving folk, the fallout from Louise's decision yesterday is surprisingly small with Mangō's Ron Cribb backing his alliance buddy. He tells the team it was a good move.
Where is the spice? Thankfully, the lack of drama is made up for in 0.2 seconds.
"I just want Elvis and Joel out of here asap, I'm feeling like it's really crunch time," Lousie tells Cribb. It causes them both to start strategising. They decide if Mangō wins the team faceoff they will put up Lopeti or Rindelaub but if Kuaka win they will slip a note to Robinson and tell her to put them up.
Is it wrong that I am so here for evil behaviour?
Over at Kuaka they are completely unaware of the scheming going on and are far more concerned about the breakout on Devoy's face. She tells the team, "I think it's an allergy I have to liars."
It's exactly what I say when I forget to take my make-up off at night. Must be the liars, couldn't possibly be the consequences of my own actions.
Next up, speaking to the confession cam the former Black Fern Robinson begins crying and admits she found the past few days hard but not because of her lack of friends.
"The number one thing I'm struggling with is I don't have my husband Marcus who's my bestie." It's touching yet very anti-climatic.
The time for tears is over though as the celebs plod along to the team challenge. Today it's basically underwater basketball, and Mangō knows they have it in the bag thanks to the giant from Jack and the Beanstalk, aka Cribb.
But if they weren't so competitive they would probably throw the challenge, "the prize stinks again, honestly Bree you need to get better prizes," Lopeti tells the confession cam.
Mangō secure the win, thanks entirely to Cribb and get to take home a basket of tiny bits of food. I'm convinced the real prize was eaten by the producers and the "prize" is just their leftovers. Regardless, it includes one whole glass of coke between six people.
Don't get too crazy, kids.
Louise then asks if anyone wants to go up for elimination tonight and having already had a volunteer from Kuaka's, Shimpal Lelisi, she is met with a yes from Cribb, but all is not what it seems.
The former All Black star is getting way too good at playing the game and only said he would put his hand up as a way to manipulate other team members to put their hand up.
Oh, Cribby, you cheeky, cheeky man.
Perlina Lau puts her hand up and Louise is all for it because between her and the confession cam, she thinks Lau is just taking up space at this point as she "doesn't contribute" to anything at camp.
"She's just riding the female bandwagon." It's a low blow but I'm far too invested in the drama to care.
As for Lopeti, he's on Louise's chopping block so it's all go, that is until the dancer pulls her for a Love Island style chat and breaks down in tears, "I actually haven't had the best few days," he tells her.
The camera cuts away, but I can just tell Louise is low-key rolling her eyes.
"I literally just wanted to be like Courtenay I just want to go home if that's okay, but then I thought to myself no, I'm not going to do that. There's a purpose why I'm here, and it's to represent the people that can't be here."
So now she's not only sitting on a rock but she's stuck between a rock and a hard place.
At the elimination Louise tells the celebs Kuaka's actor, Shimpal Lelisi who is competing for Women's Refuge will go up against Mangō's dancer, Elvis Lopeti who is competing for Sisters United trust.
"How dare you!" Lopeti shouts at Louise. Oh my god ... the tea is hot with this one.
"Nah jokes," he quickly adds which somehow confirms to Louise, and us and confirms that the actress has made the right choice.
The two compete in a bit of a silly ball challenge, and ultimately Lelisi loses."I feel good," he laughs."It's been a great retreat made some great friends, got to work on my tan, hang out by the beach," he tells host Matt Chisholm.
This goodbye is looking like the happiest one yet, right up until Devoy gives her pal a hug.
Our hard a**, abrupt Dame can't help but break down in tears, "I was devastated when Shim loses because he's become my mate here, I can't believe how cut up I was about it," she tells the confession cam.
But she isn't the only one sad to see him go.
"Shim is out. That signs my death warrant right there." Robinson says.
Celebrity Treasure Island airs weekly, Mon-Wed, 7.30pm on TVNZ2 and TVNZ +.
The host has been spotted across the Atlantic post-election.