When you get home from the supermarket and realise you've forgotten something. Photo / TVNZ
When you get home from the supermarket and realise you've forgotten something. Photo / TVNZ
OPINION
If you love uncomfortable situations, then oh my gosh, hi, hello, welcome, this episode was made for you.
We kick things off with Mel Homer coming in hotter than the All Blacks to the Rugby World Cup semifinal. Still mad and claiming she wasn’t told she was getting put up for elimination yesterday, she boldly says, “Hey Turia, I thought your brand was up front?”
Ah, producer to Camp Weka, producer to Camp Weka. We need a playback of the three times Homer was told she was going up for elimination. Thank you.
“I’m so confused, because I told you - ” the actress says in an effort to defend herself, but Homer comes ready. She’s done the training, she’s only eaten beans and rice for two weeks and she’s in a better position to fight than Tommy Fury, and she immediately tells her fellow castaway, “Just listen.”
Sometimes you just have to say yikes and move on. Photo / TVNZ
Just as our popcorn popped and we’d mixed in the Maltesers, the producers realised this was a family-friendly show and reined in the drama. Boooo. Then they try to distract us with a James Mustapic catwalk moment that even Tyra Banks would be proud of, and I’m not ashamed to admit it worked. I’m distracted. Next look, please.
Finally, we get the big moment, and much like us, Schmidt-Peke is here to set the record straight, telling the confession cam, “I’m pretty angry, and I just need to check myself and calm myself down.” Cutting to the star’s Fight Club moment, where she is intimidatingly practicing pulls ups, Homer interrupts and asks her to have a chat.
Is everyone ready? Are we all on the edges of our seats? Things are about to go down.
She takes a deep breath, and surprisingly says she’s “really sorry about yesterday and thinking that you hadn’t told me”. It doesn’t go down amazing for Schmidt-Peke but it does go down better than your mum forcing you to eat ham for the 17th day in a row after Christmas, and she tells the confession cam, “I’m just tryna, like, breathe through it.”
The TAB is currently taking bets. Photo / TVNZ
In a turn of events more anti-climatic than the royal family’s response to Harry’s memoir, they hug it out, but Homer isn’t done stirring the pot. This is her five minutes of fame and she’s going to make the most of it, so naturally, she’s ready for the scandalous tell-all interviews - duh.
At camp, Homer tells the castaways she wants to know who obtained recently eliminated Steve Price’s scrolls. Plenty of names are being thrown around, but it’s his bromance buddy Nick Afoa who reveals to the confession cam that it’s him - hi, he’s the problem, it’s him. “I now have two pretty cool cards,” Afoa grins like Taylor Swift making her paparazzi debut with Travis Kelce. “I do see them as pretty powerful.”
Better look both ways before crossing Afoa, castaways.
Meanwhile, Eli Matthewson has officially become Detective Matthewson. “All morning, Mel has just been kind of walking around staring at all different things in the camp,” he tells the confession cam, adding, “She’s clearing covering - and not well.”
How to find a clue 101: Stop, drop and roll. Photo / TVNZ
It’s not as weird as it seems, and the truth of the matter is she’s actually on the hunt for her clue. Once Matthewson figures that out, he is ready to jump on board to solve the case.
“If I find it, I’ll give it to you in exchange for keeping each other safe,” the comedian tells Homer, and it’s such a good suggestion that she slip, slop, slaps a big old seal on that deal.
An army crawl later, he spots the clue hidden and shares it with Homer, revealing it’s yet another ‘slow another player down in the race to find the buried treasure’ card. But instead of giving it to her, he turns on his police lights and wee-woos his way into a deal, promising to only give it to her if she keeps him safe in tonight’s elimination - if she’s the decider.
And that’s how you keep a neighbourhood (yourself) safe, kids.
We head off the the individual face-off, where it’s revealed production has been watching the Saw films ahead of Halloween, because this challenge looks like torture.
Today, the castaways must hold on to a handle attached to a rope behind their back. Whoever holds on the longest wins not only the choice to eliminate someone, but also a beer and a luscious and relaxing afternoon at a secret spot.
No thanks. Photo / TVNZ
It all sounds awful, until Afoa says he’s got a scroll allowing him to sit someone out. “I need to sit Eli out because he’s the threat.” Matthewson has literal steam coming out of his ears.
The musical theatre star isn’t done with the shock factor yet, as midway through the challenge, he gives up and falls into the water, along with everyone’s jaws. Finally, it comes down to Mustapic and Schmidt-Peke, who tells the comedian if he takes her for a feed she will let him win, and he agrees immediately.
It was his runway walk earlier in the episode that intimated her, I know it.
Back at camp, Homer assumes she’s the one going up against Afoa tonight, but on the boat, Mustapic reveals to Schmidt-Peke how close Daniel and Matthewson are, and much like primary school teachers, they start to strategise that perhaps the two besties need to be separated for everyone’s sanity.
School is not about friends, it's about learning! Photo / TVNZ
Mustapic tells the confession cam, “Because [Daniel and Matthewson are] best friends, they’re too powerful, and as much as I don’t want to face it, I am starting to think we’ve gotta separate them, we’ve gotta get rid of one of them.”
It’s a decision tougher for the comedian than choosing whether you finish a day of solid eating with something sweet or just head to bed, and the producers break the tension by planting a scroll in his plate of goodies.
Revealing it to be an extract from the treasure hunt story, it hints that perhaps this season’s treasure is hidden in three places, and it’s honestly more confusing than how Kim Kardashian and Pete Davidson dated, so it’s off to the elimination arena before we break our brains.
If we have to interview three winners this season, it will be a disaster... we only have two working mics. Photo / TVNZ
Mustapic reveals it’s Mel Homer, battling it out for The Aunties, against Nick Afoa, battling it out for the BBM Foundation/Just Move, in a challenge where they must roll a ball down a card track and get it through a hoop.
Afoa channels Lightning McQueen and kachows so hard he takes out the win, sending Homer home and leaving her with the tough decision of who to give her scrolls to.
But we end the episode on a more mysterious note, with Afoa reading out his scroll: “Solve the riddle to find the location of a game-changing advantage. Hidden in a place that may cause pain, if you conquer the sharp barbs, you’ll have much to gain.”
Whatever could it mean? We’ll have to wait until tomorrow to find out.
First Simba, now Lightning McQueen? Which Disney character is next? Photo / TVNZ
Celebrity Treasure Island airs weekly, Mon-Wed, at 7.30PM on TVNZ 2 and TVNZ +.
Lillie Rohan is an Auckland-based reporter covering lifestyle and entertainment stories who joined the Herald in 2020. She specialises in all things relationships and dating, great Taylor Swift ticket wars and TV shows you simply cannot miss out on.
