It's a better crying face than Kim Kardashian, boo. Photo / TVNZ
It's a better crying face than Kim Kardashian, boo. Photo / TVNZ
OPINION:
After a wild week three, we are back for week four and your emotions aren’t getting a break that quickly because we were promised something “huge”.
It all starts with Tohorā's Blair Strang’s super secret scroll “challenge sit out”, he tells the confession cam, “choose one person to sit out of any face off challenge - be it team or individual”.
Can he make an entire team sit out of a challenge? I truly don’t know but Strang does know this scroll is like having the best lunch at work and must be savoured solo. No Colin, you can’t have a bite. Mind ya business.
Over at Kārearea, Mel Homer is sharing her thoughts on what could be the “huge” thing the castaways will have to face today and it’s insightful to say the least: “I think it’s going to be big.”
Between us, I’m too shocked to speak. Take the crystal ball off this woman, she has too much power.
However, one person gets to find out exactly what that “big” thing is before anyone else as Tohorā's self-proclaimed dictator, James Mustapic, has a scroll he can use to get a super sneaky first look at the challenge and it doesn’t disappoint. With balls, walls and tools it’s an overwhelmingly masculine work site and the comedian admits, “I don’t like what I see.”
It's worse than school athletics. Photo / TVNZ
He theorises that it may be an individual type of challenge and host Jayden Daniels only confirms this fact which means one thing. The merge has arrived. In the words of Michael Scott, everyone stay calm.
Asked if he feels more confident or less confident, Mustapic admits he’s “just stressed” and it’s this unsatisfactory answer that results in Daniels sending him back to camp the same way the Whos send the Grinch out of Whoville. Back up the hill to plot everyone’s downfall, Mustapic!
The comedian shares with Tohorā what he saw and says the word scramble he spotted could be the key to winning the challenge. Noting there was a C, O, Q and U, Courtney Dawson says it must be “conquer” but the only thing currently conquering is this team’s cool level. Slay.
Arriving at the faceoff, the castaways learn it’s merge time and naturally, they all lose the plot - mainly because we’ve gone from a complexion-friendly lavender and green to an orange that can only be described as Donald Trump after a fresh spray tan.
No one tell him the lip balm was actually face paint. Photo / TVNZ
Strang tells the confession cam “I’m overwhelmed”, While Matt Gibb says “new team, new way of life”. What exactly does he mean by that? Who knows, but it feels right - just like his green lipstick.
Today the teams or rather individuals must work as a team to solve a word phrase, before splitting up to collect a ball on a stick, walking through an obstacle course and rolling the ball down a shoot. The winner not only picks who goes up for elimination but also earns a lovely massage for themselves and two mates.
Tohorā smash out the word scramble to take an immediate lead, while Kārearea is nowhere to be seen. They’re more behind than you are with the latest iPhone update and the challenge ultimately comes down to Laura Daniel and Nick Afoa. Arriving to send their ball down the shoot at the same time, Daniel’s politeness costs her a win and we’re half expecting Simba (Afoa) to let out a victorious roar.
Instead, he lets out a gentle yay and chooses to share his win with Daniel and Steve Price - who looks so overwhelmed he may cry. “Nick and I’s relationship is just getting deeper and deeper,” the league legend tells the confession cam and it’s scrumdiddlyumptious. Is there anything sweeter than a big ol teddy bear man acting like a white girl in the club bathrooms? I’ll answer for you, no.
After the challenge, the merged teams create Weka and move into the old Tohorā camp, while the winners head on over to their massage retreat where Afoa reveals he is leaning toward putting up Matt Gibb and Eli Mathewson for elimination. For Daniel, it sits worse than your tummy after eating three-day-old butter chicken as she has an alliance with Matthewson and obviously wants to protect her pal.
Thankfully, it’s not all bad news for the comedian as she spots a scroll beside her and quickly shoves it in her pocket. A win is a win.
If a roller coaster of emotions was a photo. Photo / TVNZ
Daniel confesses to Afoa that Matthewson is her friend and she doesn’t want to see him go up for elimination which leaves the musical theatre star more shocked than a man who just learnt the laundry doesn’t fold itself. “There’s a part of me that’s a little taken back by her not seeing the logistics in my decision,” he tells the confession cam, explaining Matthewson and Gibb are obviously the only elimination options because of their strength.
Things go 0 to 100 in the next couple of minutes, with Daniel wearing her heart on her sleeve. “I’m feeling all the emotions right now, honestly,” she tells the confession cam before serving us an iconic one-liner: “You don’t want to see me when I’m pissed off.” Knowing there is only one thing to make her feel better, the producers make her read out what’s on the scroll she found and it’s less of a clue and more of a story of the three sisters who stole and hid the treasure the castaways are looking for, which doesn’t help at all.
“Honestly, this whole story, the whole treasure, is about three sisters, a woman has to win it!” she angrily states and suddenly I’m team Daniel. Power to the chicks.
At the elimination round, Afoa sticks to his word and puts up Matt Gibb battling it out for the Cancer Society against Eli Matthewson battling it out for the Burnett Foundation Aotearoa. It’s a challenge of puzzles, the first to complete their’s wins.
You dodged a bullet Matt Gibb. Orange is a lame colour anyway. Photo / TVNZ
Gibb takes the lead moving onto puzzle number two while Matthewson is calmly working to undo his first one - not that Daniel would know because she can’t watch: “Honestly can’t watch, I’m a blubbering mess.” Finally, Matthewson takes out the win and we bid goodbye to Squirt.
Gibb gives an emotional goodbye to the confession cam and I would love to recap it but then I too would start crying and that would ruin my reputation that’s more ice cold than Afoa’s.
Winning a scroll, Matthewson reads it out to the confession cam and does a little dance because this castaway is “sitting pretty” but we have to wait until tomorrow to find out why.
Celebrity Treasure Island airs weekly, Mon-Wed, at 7.30PM on TVNZ 2 and TVNZ +.
Lillie Rohan is an Auckland-based reporter covering lifestyle and entertainment stories who joined the Herald in 2020. She specialises in all things relationships and dating, great Taylor Swift ticket wars and TV shows you simply cannot miss out on.
