Rick Stein said he still struggles to "forgive" his father for committing suicide when he was a teenager.
The celebrity chef was 17 when his father Eric, who had bipolar disorder, died during a family holiday in Cornwall.
Now 72, Stein says the pain of losing loved ones "doesn't get any easier".
"It's very hard to forgive people that kill themselves," he told Radio Times.
Stein said he still responds to his father's "style, his sense of humour, his sort of pleasure in things". But he added: "You realise you've been damaged by the same person as well. He [Eric] didn't really take it out on his children, he was never cruel to us. It was just that he had his own demons."
Eric was 58 when he committed suicide while on a coastal walk.