KEY POINTS:
Batten down the hatches, Las Vegas - pop wreck Britney Spears is rumoured to be heading for the chapel and wants to get married, y'all!
The knickerless wonder is hoping it'll be a case of third time lucky as she prepares to tie the knot with oddball cling-on, Sam Lufti.
Brit Brit's last Vegas marriage lasted all of 55 hours, after she walked up the aisle with childhood pal Jason Alexander during a rushed, shotgun-style ceremony.
According to tattle tale tabloid Star Magazine, the hillbilly has already made her marital ambitions clear to her lawyers and ex-hubby, Kevin Federline.
"[The lawyers] begged her to at least get a prenup, but she didn't seem to be listening."
K-Fed's reportedly not best pleased with the planned nuptials, and doesn't want Lufti around his kids.
"Kevin has seen Sam lose his temper," said a source.
"We hear he swears a lot and makes very derogatory statements when he's alone with Brit. Kevin has forbidden Britney from having Sam around the boys. In fact, Kevin has threatened to get a restraining order. She'll lose custody if she allows Sam around them; Kevin will make sure of it."
But the threat of losing her kids is unlikely to dissuade Spears from marrying the professional cling-on.
The source added, "Britney is completely under Sam's spell. Everyone sees through him, except her. I hear that he stays with her most of the time, and she pays for his food, his bar and restaurant tabs and his clothing. She takes care of everything."
Lufti is obviously a keeper - the 'producer' has allegedly had two restraining orders against him for violent verbal abuse and physical attacks in the past.
And I seriously doubt Brit's actually suffering from insanity. I think she's enjoying every minute of it and doing exactly what her Corn Flakes tell her to.
If we quit caring, maybe she'll go away.
Sources: msnbc.com, entertainmentwise.com
Who fired JR?
A Dallas movie has been on the cards ever since Bobby Ewing started sprouting hairs on his manly chest, but it looks as though the flick has hit an oil slick.
Page Six are reporting that John Travolta, the movie's anchor for the past two years, has been booted off the project.
Word has it that producers showed the film's script to several focus groups, who decided the script was not the laugh-a-minute caper they hoped it was.
So, Ravolta was "let go" about two weeks ago, and is rumoured to have been replaced by Ben Stiller.
A source tells Page Six: "John was given a nice seven-figure 'gift' to go away quietly.
"He also got five family members roles in the movie, and they aren't going to be in it now, either."
A friend of Travolta confirmed, "He is not doing the movie. They've gone in a different direction than was originally intended. I don't know about any 'gift,' and I don't think the family member thing is correct."
A spokesperson for 20th Century Fox declined to comment.
Face/off
Pop jester Michael Jackson has been spotted sporting what can only be described as a load of post-it notes stuck to his scalpel-friendly visage.
Draped in a blackened cloak, headscarf and an array of weird bandages, Jacko took his kids on a late night shopping expedition at a Barnes & Noble in Las Vegas this week.
Looking like an extra from his Thriller video, Jacko scared the bejesus out of customers and staff.
Jacko's disintegrating face has been the subject of mirth and speculation for years, and this latest exhibition does little to quell rumours that he's been under the knife again.
See photos of Jackson's curious visage here and here.
Dead man walking...
I do, I don't...I do!
So Pammy 'Whammy' Anderson has decided not to get a divorce after all.
Oh, how we laughed our socks off when news emerged yesterday that Pammy and Salomon's two month marriage was on the skids...
The inflatable doll filed for divorce last week, citing "irreconcilable differences" as the reason for the separation.
But Pammy had a change of heart and decided to give their union another go.
"P.S. We're working things out..." the blonde blogged on her website.
See, this is what happens when space cadets with the collective IQ of a tadpole get together. Let's hope for the love of humanity they don't breed...
Click here to see the divorce papers.
Sources: Star magazine, TMZ
Crossing the line?
TMZ has published the disturbing 911 emergency call made when Kanye Wests's mother, Donda West, was found unresponsive and not breathing by her family.
The ghoulish call lasts for just over eight minutes, and serves as a ghoulish and poignant reminder of life's fragility and mortality.
Warning: the content is graphic and upsetting.
Click here to hear the call.
Pretty stroppy
Julia Roberts continues to be hounded by paparazzi.
One would have thought common sense would have prevailed after Roberts toasted a pap for filming her kids at their school last month, but not so.
If anything, paps now see her as a prime target.
After kindly posing for a series of snaps outside her NYC house - on the condition that the greedy paps leave her alone afterwards - the trigger happy twits did the opposite.
Howling and shouting at her the following day, the paps stalked the star and trailed her for three blocks, before a drunken bystander steps in and acts as a bodyguard.
Understandably, Roberts chastises the snappers for "embarrassing" themselves.
Click here to watch the photogs in action. The action kicks in straight away.
Warm buzzies
Glamour model Jordan has a proposition for entrepreneurial inventors that will have them buzzing all the way to the bank - a heated vibrator.
That's right. As Britain succumbs to a winter chill, the boobie babe bemoans the fact that her poor nethers are being subjected to a cold snap, if you know what I mean...
Jordan tells Cosmopolitan magazine that she's tired of pleasuring herself with 'cool' toys, and is calling on designers to come up with a range of heated ones instead.
"Sex toys aren't exactly like real life, are they?" she teased.
"They're as cold as anything. They should make them heated, bring out a new heated range."
Jordan uses sex toys, hardly a revelation. But what's made me break out in hives is the hideous mental picture of Jordan tending to her basic instincts that's just polluted my innocent mind...
More sex, please...
It's not a wrap. Filming of Sex and The City: The Movie continues - this time in Los Angeles.
More pictures have emerged of sexy Samantha (Kim Catrall) strutting her way through a Gucci store on Rodeo Drive, before emerging onto the street and hopping into a glam Mercedes with a licence plate that reads "I Love NYC 1".
Click here for piccies.
No Love lost
Potty mouth Courtney Love is on the rampage again.
Love has launched a scathing attacked on her bank manger, shamelessly branding her a "cheating lying thief."
The rocker claims that a whopping $20 million has vanished form her bank account over the past four years, and she also holds the bank manager responsible for her sister-in-law having her house repossessed.
Love rants on her blog:
"Man do I have a cheating lying thief of a banker. All I'll say is she knew these accounts in 2003 were forged and she went along with 4 refinances in one day of Kim Cobains wich (sic) ended up with them taking her home from her while she did what? Got bigger, fatter greddier (sic) more rapacious?...Bitch. I don't think a day a week devoted to the maintenance of my income and my daughter's is too much to ask - its a moneypit to keep paying forensics. (It) makes me truly sick, one thinks 'oh a banker won't steal from me' - think a bloody gain."
The FBI is investigating the claims.
Source: Starpulse.com
Fast gossip
Give me five minutes, and I'll tell you everything
* Katherine Heigl needs a tan: ICYDK
* Tom Cruise is bad news: cityrag
* Behind the scenes at Becks' sexy Armani shoot: Pink Is The New Blog
* Will Smith prefers Japanese toilets: D-Listed
* Ricky Martin has a welcome mat: Just Jared
* Brad Pitt causes chaos: A Socialite's Life
* Pete Doherty has a new addiction! Dlisted
* Chuck Tara Reid a burger: Hollywoodrag
* Tom Hanks won't be snorting rails anytime soon: ASL
