KEY POINTS:
Tormented soul Britney Spears's latest drama is bordering on the ridiculous.
The popwreck is said to be planning on profiting from her shameless and toe-curlingly embarrassing downfall by teaming up with her paparazzo buddy and selling candid snaps of herself.
Several news media are reporting that within hours of her release from the Cedars-Sinai Medical Centre's psychiatric unit, Spears was touting pictures of herself and supposed paparazzo lover Adnan Ghalib to the press.
The said photos were reportedly taken while the pair bolted to Palm Springs on Monday, and show the singer kissing and canoodling with the British photographer.
If sold, the incriminating snaps are said to be worth well over a million dollars.
Predictably, the going rate for pictures of Spears has shot through the roof following her recent antics.
But the sick part is that Spears is being accused of STAGING the paparazzi shots with her alleged lover, and tipping off Ghalib's trigger happy pals about their every move.
Even worse, sources claim Ghalib made every effort to make the pictures as "sexy" as possible by making Spears feed him ice cream.
Oh, please!
And there's more...
Spears is also said to be planning a doco-style confession with her lover, dishing the dirt on her mental breakdown last week (aka Freaky Friday).
Sources say the film will be sold to "the highest bidder".
An insider says: "Britney knows it's been her most devastating week ever. And she knows she's got a massive uphill battle to get access to her kids again.
"But she's determined to get something positive out of it.
"And with such international interest in all things Britney, they both realise they need to strike while the iron's hot.
"They've decided to work together to get the pictures out there and split the money."
But the nuttiest Britney news of the day has to be this little tidbit: The Insider is claiming that Brit Brit spoke with a British accent during her brief stay at Cedars-Sinai last week. WTF? She's either bonkers or has a serious case of the Madonnas.
This isn't the first time she's put on a faux British accent. Spears put on the same accent while chatting to paparazzi outside the Four Season Hotel last year.
So what's the deal?
NYC-based psychotherapist Dr. Robi Ludwig tells Usmagazine.com: "She's having identity issues."
No s**t?!
"What it definitely says is she doesn't really like being where she's at - there's probably a part of her that wants to escape who she really is.
"Spears is in an adolescent mode of thinking ... [she's] trying on different personas to see what feels good and works for her."
This could be a load of baloney, obviously, but Macho Law prohibits me from admitting the above could be wrong.
Dumb and dumber
Click here to watch video footage of Spears sparking up a cigarette at a gas station.
Honey, everyone is entitled to be stupid, but you abuse the privilege.
Look out, here comes mastermind
You know you're in trouble when potty mouth Courtney Love feels sorry for you.
The Nirvana widow posted this gem on her blog today:
Courtney Love on Spears: "nuthouse man was that truly neccessary? Poor thing, i didnt need to see all that fecal matter on the walls but Thaliens at Cedars is obviously loads nicer than Bellevue- shes takingt far too much adderol, thats what ive heard and what appears to be the issue to me wich is by the way none of my f***ing business.or ours.
I hope she gets a smoke soon, they dont let you smoke for 72 hours on a 5150, its blows for her, and i feel bad for her, really really bad for her - i came in as an outsiderso i didnt come in as a sweetheart, its slightly easier for me, i was never a good girl,l its still sucks ass, but oh whatever....nevermind.bless i hope people stop hurting on her. Xxc."
Fellow celebrity news blogger Perez Hilton is inventive, if nothing else. The acid-tongued devil has drummed up some sartorial specimens which offer you, the public, the opportunity to save Britney, y'all!
Check 'em out here.
4.00pm: Update
Experts say Spears needs help - and fast.
Two respected US clinicians, doctors Drew Pinsky and Keith Ablow, have spoken to Showbizspy.com and have this to say: "I fear that there could be a really bad outcome here," says Ablow.
"She needs a comprehensive plan and she needs confidentiality. She needs to be treated like a person, not a star."
Ablow also says Spears' mother Lynne is responsible for her daughter's recovery.
"Here's the bottom line," he said, "when your 16-year-old daughter [Jamie Lynn Spears] is pregnant, and your older daughter is in a psychiatric facility and your grandkids don't seem well cared for, but you look pretty put-together, generally I start to look to the put-together person and say, 'I'd like to talk to you.'"
Meanwhile, Pinsky adds: "If she doesn't begin to turn it around in the next two to four weeks, I would say you're going to see her on a ventilator in an ICU somewhere.
"It looks as if we're watching an Anna Nicole Smith type case revolve in real time."
"Without treatment, her survival is really in question," he added.
Also, TMZ is claiming that Brit Brit locked herself away in her bathroom on Freaky Friday because she wanted "make-up" time with the kids that evening.
When K-Fed and his lawyer refused to let her have the kids for an extra two hours, Spears locked herself in the house and the stand-off commenced.
Stay tuned to this blog as the calamity that is Britney Spears' story develops.
And now for something completely different...
Bashing Americans is like shooting fish in a barrel, but when classic clips like this come along, it's futile to resist.
It's a running joke that Americans and geography are polar opposites, and this video gem does little to shatter that stereotype.
Where's Utah, again?
Enjoy.
Snorting marvellous
When Mariah Carey was asked whether she'd like to duet with Latina JLo at some point in the future, the human dolphin had this to say: "I'd rather be on stage with a pig - a duet with Jennifer Lopez and me just ain't going to happen."
We'll take that as a no then.
Source: NewWeekly
Pammy's schizoid marriage
It's on, it's off, it's back on again - oh, make your scatty mind up, Pamela Anderson.
Reports just in claim big boobie Pam's marriage to new husband Rick Salomon is on the skids once again, and she's served the hapless doof with divorce papers.
The Baywatch 'beauty' served divorce papers back in December last year, citing irreconcilable differences. But two days later the fickle blonde posted this message on her official website: "We're working things out".
However, CelebTV.com claims the divorce is still on.
A source tells the website that Anderson's lawyer filed a "proof of summons document last Friday in Los Angeles Superior Court".
The docs show that Salomon was served with divorce papers on December 15. He has 30 days to file a response.
This is Anderson's third failed marriage.
Where's the love gone, eh Pammy? I thought love and marriage went together like a horse and carriage, as the great Cole Porter said. Actually scrap that, he was gay.
Sick Slim Shady
Rapper Eminem was hospitalised in his Detroit hometown over the Christmas holidays, contactmusic.com reports.
His spokesperson confirms he was put in hospital for a heart condition and severe pneumonia.
"Over the holidays, Marshall Mathers, aka Eminem, was under doctor's care at a Detroit-area hospital for complications due to pneumonia. He has since been released and is doing well recovering at home."
Rather cruelly, several quarters are commenting on the Slim Shady's not so slim status.
Sources say he's "ballooned" to over 200 pounds.
It's alright Em, just say NO to negativity.
Beauty's not just skin-deep, remember. Well, to be honest, I'm tired of all this nonsense about beauty being only skin-deep. That's deep enough. What do you want, an adorable pancreas?
See you Friday, folks.
Fast gossip
Give me five minutes, and I'll tell you everything...
Heath Ledger is a different stripe: Just Jared
No one wants Lindsay: Celebslam
Dr. Phil needs to buzz off...: popbytes
Nicole Richie is scared to give birth: I'm Not Obsessed
Scary Spice grabs Posh Spice's boob: Egotastic
Rumer Willis gets drunk off her own beauty: Just Jared
Stars with and without makeup: Hollywood Rag
Jake Gyllenhaal caught with another woman: Dlisted
Mariah Carey puts makeup on her boobs: CR
Worst wedding cake idea ... ever: BWE
Fight Club: The Musical? DS
