KEY POINTS:
Former American sweetheart Britney Spears fled to Mexico with lens-lizard boyfriend Adnan Ghalib last month - and it wasn't for a taco take away.
No, the pair allegedly had something far more carnal in mind.
The latest issue of Star magazine (yes, I know it's trash, but suspend your disbelief for a moment), reveals the real reason behind the jaunt - to get hitched.
South of the border
After concocting a plan to shake the swarm of paparazzi off their tail, the pair reportedly fled to Mexico, where they were spotted on Rosarito Beach cruising around in Spears' Cadillac.
A source tells Star, "When Britney got out of the hospital the first time, Adnan talked her into going to Mexico to get married, saying that was the only way he could protect her."
But there's one slight problem - Ghalib is already married, which means the "marriage" is meaningless.
"The marriage wasn't legal," says an insider, so "Adnan is doing everything in his power to worm his way back into her life, promising her that he'll get married again once his divorce is final."
"In all my years I've never seen as big a dirt bag as this guy. I can't believe how he has taken advantage of this woman when she is in such a fragile state."
Star editor Candace Trunzo tells Gatecrasher: "Our source on this was not in Rosarito Beach at the ceremony, but is very familiar with the fact that [wedding] documents exist."
You can probably file this story under "filthy lies", but bear in mind that hurricane Britney has bolted and got hitched before.
She last did a number in 2002 when she swapped vows with childhood lover, Jason Allen Alexander, during a tacky ceremony at the Little White Wedding Chapel in Las Vegas.
The marriage lasted all of 55 hours.
Meanwhile...
The troubled poptart is said to be planning a world tour - just weeks after she was hospitalised for psychiatric evaluation.
Spears is reportedly keen to turn her life around and hit the road to promote her last album Blackout.
An insider told the New York Post, "Britney will be leaving the country in the next few weeks, after training in privacy for a month. She is planning a global tour."
Memory lane
Ooh, the glory days...
When Brits could walk and talk (lip-synch) at the same time.
Sources: entertainmentwise.com, people.com, Usmagazine.com, nydailynews.com
Hilton released
Paris Hilton's naughty drunkety-drunk brother Barron has been released on a $20,000 bail.
The twit was arrested on suspicion of DUI earlier this week.
He blew a 0.14 on his breath test for blood alcohol - which is almost double the adult limit of 0.08 in California.
Watch a video of his release here.
Blind item
Which recent mother is already bored with her new accessory?
Despite pimping herself out to the celebrity mags as a loving parent, she is constantly finding reasons to leave the baby and "escape."
Answers on a postcard, please.
Career carcass
Remember former child star Corey Haim?
Neither did I until I spotted this full-page advert by Haim in industry mag Variety.
The former heartthrob, who once dated Posh Spice, is so desperate to resurrect his career, he's resorted to begging.
The ad reads: "This is not a stunt. I'm back. I'm ready to work. I'm ready to make amends."
Make amends? For what?
Sad.
I guess it's a no-brainer when it comes to either rejuvenating an acting career or splitting buns for Burger King.
True lies?
Actress Kathleen Turner experienced the opposite of writers block when she scribed new autobiography, Send Yourself Roses.
The girl went to town and let her "memories" run riot.
The star dishes the dirt on a number of her male co-stars over the years - Burt Reynolds, Steve Martin, and William Hurt. But she saves the most damning and ludicrous anecdote for Nicolas Cage.
While filming Peggy Sue Got Married with Cage, Turner reveals how her co-star was allegedly arrested twice for DUI and stole a Chihuahua.
Funnily enough, Cage remembers none of it and is suing Turner's wrinkly bottom.
Watch Turner's reaction here.
I think she suffers from C.R.S. Can't Remember S***.
Loose lips sink ships, baby.
Blonde ambition
Shock horror: Madonna turns 50 in August and she's been papped sporting what look suspiciously like grey hairs.
The tabloids have gone crazy with this story, which is a surefire sign that it was a slow news day.
I mean, who cares?
You mean to tell me she's human after all?
See the piccies here.
Bionic bomb
Poor Michelle Ryan.
She thought her prayers had been answered when she landed the leading role in US TV's Bionic Woman series.
But it's all come crashing down to earth.
The former EastEnders star, 23, has failed to sizzle as the Bionic lady in the hyped re-make of the seminal 70s series.
The show's over.
America's NBC/Universal network has decided not to renew the show for a second season, the Daily Mail reveals.
A source said: "Barring a last-minute miracle, the show won't be coming back. Inside the network, there's just no appetite to see more episodes, and it was an incredibly expensive show to make week in and week out.
"Producers are sick of throwing good money after bad at this series."
In your McDreamy!
Grey's Anatomy star Eric Dane (McSteamy) is considering suing OK! Magazine after it ran a story last week claiming he was "fighting against cancer".
OK! Magazine's cover story of their February 18 issue allegedly embellished a story that the actor, 35, had malignant cells on his lip frozen.
"Eric Dane does not have cancer," his rep tells Us Weekly. "He spoke with OK! to clear up some inaccuracies they were planning to run. His story certainly does not compare with those actually suffering from the disease."
Dane is said to be "mortified" by the cover. "Never in a million years would he have expected they would exploit his story," says the source. "He's considering legal action."
Hurrah!
McSteamy lives to sizzle another day.
First look
Here's the first picture of Hugh Jackman in the X-Men spin-off flick, Wolverine.
I love Huge Jackman when he's angry.
No mute for Mucca
This lady's not for muting.
Scorned woman Heather Mills is determined not to be gagged by the courts or her estranged husband, Sir Paul McCartney, reports claim
The 40-year-old former model, aka Mucca, is currently involved in a showdown with Sir Paul, and is intent on having the freedom to dish the dirt once the divorce is finalised.
A source said: "For Heather, it isn't about writing a book or selling her story. It's about having the right to defend herself if people say she's a bad wife or mum.
"Paul doesn't want her to say anything about their time together. He doesn't want her talking about their marriage full-stop.
"Neither side is prepared to concede at the moment. So unless one has a sudden change of heart, it may be for the judge to decide."
Source: mirror.co.uk
She says "yes!"
Brangelina marriage rumour number 1,5065.
Angelina Jolie has finally said yes to Bradley Pitts, a U.S tabloid claims.
The latest news says that Angie's (rumoured) pregnancy fueled the actress to give marriage a go.
"In the past when Brad pressed her to get married, Angelina always said no because she was happy with the way things were," a source tells the National Enquirer.
"But when Brad proposed again after they discovered they were having twins, she decided to follow her heart. With the babies on the way, they just felt the time was right."
They predict the pair will wed later this year.
Source: entertainmentwise.com
Indiana Jones trailer
Here it is, folks...
The official teaser trailer for Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull.
Looks promising. But where's the skull?
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Fast gossip
Give me five minutes and I'll tell you everything...
* Yes, you've died and gone to gossip heaven: Wesmirch
* Reese Witherspoon is annoyed at paparazzi: ICYDK
* Amy Winehouse walks her twins: Bauer-Griffin Online
* Ready to hate yourself? Celebslam
* Jennifer Lopez needs to get over herself: IDLYITW
* This is so cute, it's wrong: College Humor
* All the celebrity photos you can stomach: CelebSlam
* Janet Jackson will freeze her eggs: Hollywood Rag
* Sylvester Stallone is getting delusional in his old age: Gabby Babble
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