Brangelina split talk 'absolutely not true'

Dream team Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt are not splitting up after four years of coupledom, according to their reps. Photo / AP

Dream team

Angelina Jolie

and

Brad Pitt

are

not

splitting up after four years of coupledom, according to their reps.

Tabloid reports had speculated that the angelic do-gooder duo - who have six kids - had "finally" decided to pull the plug on their "tumultuous" relationship.

Granted, talk of a rumble in the

Brangelina

jungle originated from that fine purveyor of TTF (Total Tabloid Fairytales) - the

National Enquirer

. Exactly. The very same tabloid that only a week ago had jubilantly declared that all was rosy in the garden of goddess Jolie.

But in a staggering about-face, the tab now claims they are "

going their separate ways with the hope of reuniting in the future if they can repair their volatile relationship

."

A snitch tells the tab: "They will make it official. It looks like Brad will be shooting two movies in California and in the Amazon, while Angelina is retreating to their French chateau with the rest of the family.

"It's an official split."

Despite their break-up-busting PDA at Cannes last month - the dynamic duo was fawning all over each other like a pair of rampant teenagers on the red carpet - it was all an act for our benefit, a snitch tells the publication.

It all became "frosty as soon as the spotlight was off", apparently.

But not so, a spy tells

Us Weekly

. "They had lots of fun and looked so in love. At one point, they were dancing," said a snitch who disputed reports of tension between the pair.

Bradley Pitts did, however, reportedly vow to launch an all out offensive at Cannes to prove that he and the missus were still very much in love.

"Brad made a point at Cannes to show he and Angelina are very much in love and together and he plans to do the same while promoting this movie elsewhere," said a snitch.

"They are very aware of the effect all the talk of their so-called relationship troubles has on their kids and this is one way to show a united front.

"They are both so supportive of each other anyway but they are making an extra effort to be seen as the perfect couple."

And Pitt appeared to echo the loved-up sentiments, telling a reporter he was "in love and I have the most beautiful family - what else can a guy want? I am the happiest man ever."

What's particularly derisive about the

Enquirer

's report is that the pair will, despite a split, still continue to "make appearances together from time to time", and that Pitt will see the kids "when he can." When he can? How noble of him.

"But make no mistake, this is a major split," adds the snitch.

Then there's the scurrilous bit about Brangelina facing an "ugly court battle over their $200 million fortune and the custody of their six children" unless they can patch things up and fall back in lurvvve.

Anyway, cobblers to it all say Pitt's reps. News of a break-up is "absolutely not true." And "not true at all," adds Jolie's manager.

We concur. It can't be true, there's nary a drop of rain on our window pane. The Gods shall cry a river another day.

File this one under pending, guys. As in when they really do split. Then we can whip it out and impress the cotton socks off you while uttering the immortal words..."We told you so!"

TTF

When hunger strikes

Comeback contender

Michael Jackson

has gone on hunger strike in a bid to combat skin cancer, according to reports.

The frail

Thriller

star, who has previously

denied reports he is suffering from the disease

, has drastically cut back on his food intake as he fears gaining weight will hinder his chances of recovery, says

The Sun

.

A snitch tells the tab: "Michael has a phobia about getting fat. He doesn't want to put on any weight at all. It is not healthy for him..."

"He is insistent that he'll only eat one meal a day and is adamant that's enough food for him. He's very thin and frail," they added.

Jacko's rep has trashed the cancer reports, insisting the star is as fit as a fiddle and ready to take on his 50-date residency at London's O2 Arena in July.

But the singer has been spotted leaving a skin cancer clinic of late, brandishing a bag labelled

'skin cancer'

, no less. Although the contents of the bag could not be determined, speculation was rife that it was in fact laden with ointment to soothe his bunions amassed during gruelling rehearsals for his London gigs.

Adding to talk that Jacko's residency is in doubt, the fella himself has thrown a tanty after promoters lined him up for 50 comeback gigs - he only wanted to do ten.

"I don't know how I'm going to do 50 shows. I'm not a big eater - I need to put some weight on," Jackson reportedly said.

Taking a swipe at promoters, he said: "I'm really angry with them booking me up to do 50 shows. I only wanted to do ten, and take the tour around the world to other cities, not 50 in one place."

He added: "I went to bed knowing I sold 10 dates, and woke up to the news I was booked to do 50."

Zip your lip (wherever they are), Jacko. Shut up and dance, baby. Shamon!

Put a ring on it

Joe Jonas

has created his own version of

Beyonce

's legendary

Single Ladies

video.

This was funny, like, last year. It's been parodied to death already.

Great pins though. Bet he could crack walnuts with those.

It's all over...

For little and large, aka

Christina Ricci

and her comedian

giant boyfriend Owen Benjamin

.

"Owen had a birthday party this past Sunday, and everything seemed fine. Sometime after, they got into a fight and decided to reevaluate things. [Then] the engagement was off," reveals a snitch to

People.com

That was quick. They've only been engaged since March.

And now for this...

Gird your loins. American musical duo

MGMT

will drop the official video for

Kids

on their

website

at 4:01pm today (Thursday) New Zealand time.

That's hot.

You're welcome.

Kanye speak properly?

If he's not unleshing his man anger by way of UPPERCASE blog rants,

Kanye West

is busy forming his own langauge.

Speaking about his amazing contribution to and success in the music industry, he said:

"I kill that rap shit, that's what I do. Lyrics right now, they're awes-mazing. They're basically untouchable. I'm about to take it to a whole other level. I'd be scared if I was not me."

Awes-mazing? We're stabbing that one with a fork right now. Kill it.

He do voodo

There's some seriously weird joo joo going down on the New York set of

Nicholas Cage

's new flick

The Sorcerer's Apprentice

.

After a

series of accidents

left crew members and bystanders injured, the big fella has reportedly put the bad luck down to a curse - so he's hired a Voodoo Priestess to remove it.

Tabloid reports say Cage hired the mojo lady to break the spell.

An on-set snitch said: "Everyone was shocked when the voodoo woman arrived on the set. She was wearing a long black and purple dress, had long stringy hair - and carried a broom. She sprinkled 'Voodoo Dust' on the pavement as she chanted weird phrases to frighten bad spirits."

And, oh look,

here she is

Blogger Bites Back

Pictured: Nothing can tear them apart...Heavenly couple Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt. Photo / AP

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