I repeat, Ron Swanson (and his crazy ex-wife Tammy) are coming to New Zealand.
I had to pinch myself to check I wasn't dreaming, that I hadn't just imagined my whiskey-drinking, meat-loving hero was planning to visit these shores next year. Yes, yes, I know Ron Swanson, the resident libertarian of Parks and Recreation, is not, in fact, real. But every fibre of my being wishes he was.
Megan Mullally and Nick Offerman played Tammy and Ron Swanson on Parks and Recreation.
I'd also like to say Ron is the only TV character I've thought about as a real person, but that would be lying. He is just one of many TV characters I wish were a part of my day-to-day existence. (Despite what that statement implies, I promise I do have some grip on reality. And some real friends.)
So, who else inhabits this dream alternate universe of mine?
Thomas Magnum
Ron Swanson is not the first masculine, moustachioed character to capture my imagination.
I have long wished that Thomas Magnum, Hawaii's most famous private investigator, was more than just a character Tom Selleck played on the telly during the '80s.
Actor Tom Selleck as Thomas Magnum in the American TV series Magnum PI, circa 1985. Photo / Getty Images
Magnum PI was my hero in short shorts. He raced around in a bright red Ferrari, went on adventures, appeared to do very little actual work and had the ultimate caretaker in the form of Jonathan Higgins.
Never mind wishing Thomas Magnum was real - I want to be him.
Angus MacGyver
Richard Dean Anderson as MacGyver.
Speaking of '80s icons, it would be hard to go past this ever-resourceful secret agent.
I'd like to think I'm not the only person to have found themselves in a sticky situation and thought "If only MacGyver was here to help me with his trusty Swiss army knife and a shoelace."
Chandler Bing and Monica Geller
Monica and Chandler played by Courtney Cox and Matthew Perry in Friends.
They were the couple that fans of Friends really hoped stayed together (as opposed to the perennially annoying Ross and Rachel.)
And if Chandler Bing and Monica Geller were real people, I would gladly hang out with them at Central Perk.
Sure, Chandler may not be everybody's cup of tea, but his pithy observations make my heart sing. And Monica probably isn't everybody's cup of tea either, but I appreciate her competitive streak. And her OCD. Oh, and I can sympathise with the fat-girl-trapped-in-a-skinny-girl's-body thing she has going on. Although my inner fat girl is not as well hidden as hers.
Tim Canterbury
Martin Freeman as Tim Canterbury in The Office.
The paper sales rep from the UK version of The Office had me hooked from the moment he encased his nemesis Gareth's stapler in jelly.
But it's not just top quality office gags that made me wish Tim Canterbury was a real live boy.
His endearing relationship with office receptionist Dawn was encouragement for hopeless romantics everywhere.
When those two lovebirds finally got together in the show's very last episode, I think I was nearly as excited as if it had happened to two real friends.
Watching the spoiled, crazy clan of Arrested Development is enough to make anyone feel good about their own family's foibles.
From manipulative matriarch Lucille, to dim-witted magician Gob, to straight man Michael (and his son, the gloriously named George Michael), I love them all deeply.
It would be impossible to choose just one Bluth to inhabit my alternate universe of TV characters come to life, so they're all invited.
Loretta West
Siobhan Marshall as Pascalle West, Aidee Walker as Draska and Antonia Prebble as Loretta West and in Outrageous Fortune.
Most Kiwis probably have a favourite member of the Outrageous Fortune family. Mine is the scheming baby of the group, Loretta.
She's sharp, she's confrontational and definitely somebody that I'd want as a friend, rather than an enemy.
Loretta may have mellowed out a bit when she became a wife and mother, but I imagine she'd still keep life interesting.
Tina Fey is my spirit animal. Which is why her character from 30 Rock, essentially a fictionalised version of Fey, speaks to my soul.
The woman uses her oven to warm her jeans, overturns a meeting room table because somebody forgot to order her mac'n'cheese, has an imaginary perfect husband in the form of "Astronaut Mike Dexter" and turns up to jury duty dressed as Princess Leia.
Why wouldn't I want a Liz Lemon in my life?
• But what about you? Are there any TV characters you wish were real people?
